i love this guy, we have been friends for 1 1/2 years, things have happened between us but we never really take them seriously, now he wants to have sex, were both virgins but were not dating, he is my best friend and i dont think i would have a problem with it, but after something happens if he doesnt call or email me i get sad and worried that he is done with me, should i go ahead and have sex with him
2007-02-19 18:09:40 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's your best friend but you're not dating. Do you say that because you think the word "dating" is only for people with whom you share a sexual interest, present or future? Or do you say that because you're not going anywhere with your best friend?
Now, he wants to have sex..., why did it take him 1 ½ year to reach that decision? What happened recently to get to that?
The question really is “do YOU want to have sex?”. You love him but do you love him that way?
Being a virgin and having sex for the first time with another virgin is something that I could never have done. When I decided to lose my virginity, I chose a guy with lots of experience because I did not want to be with one who had no idea what he was doing. Believe me, even if one of you knows what he’s doing, the first time can be pretty tricky…
When you say that you don’t think you would have a problem with it, I assume “it” is the act of making love? You do not make love because you do not think you would have a problem with it, you make love because you want it so much your guts are hurting.
Mainly, you seem to be afraid that after you have sex with him, he will be done with you, and will not contact you anymore. If he’s your best friend, are you not his best friend too? If you’re best friends, that means that you have fun together and like to spend time together and trust each other and are there for each other. So why would he just be done with you after having sex with you?
Either he’s your best friend who will always be there for you or he’s just a jerk trying to get into your pants. I do not think he’s the latter, because he’s a virgin and has been friend with you for 1 ½ years.
He wants to have sex because he’s a guy and duh, they all want that and here you are, a girl so why not give it a try? Maybe he’s afraid to have sex with another girl because he has no idea what he’s doing and since you’re his best friend, he may feel more comfortable with you because you would not judge him or make fun of him, especially since you’re also a virgin, so you too have no idea what to expect anyway.
A good sexual experience requires desire.
You should not have sex, especially the first time, just to please somebody else or just to get rid of your virginity or just because you don’t think you would have a problem with it. You have sex because you want to have sex, because you’re horny (don’t worry, you’ll get that feeling when you’re older…), because your belly hurt, because you cannot think of nothing else. And if you have sex, make sure to use protection because you seem too young to be a mother and abortion should not be used as a contraceptive.
So my advice is as follow:
If you want to go ahead and have sex with him, go the classic route of dating the guy. Make him treat you like a man should treat a woman he wants sexually, make him buy you flowers and candies and candles, make him write you a poem, make him try to guess all of your wishes and fulfil them before you’re even aware of them... It is called courtship and even animals do it because they know better. He’s a guy so he’s always sexually ready, 24/7, but you’re a girl and he needs to get you in the mood. Open yourself to him and tell him about your worries of being sad if he would not call you or email you so he can reassure you.
If you are not sure about all this: just wait. Do not have sex with him unless you really want to. I know a lot of girls who had sex with boys just so they could have boyfriends, just because if they did not do it, the boyfriend would leave them for another girl. Those girls became women and they are now married to guys with whom they have sex on a regular basis, the husband's regular basis, while looking at the ceiling and waiting patiently for it to be over.
If you wait to have sex until the time where you meet the right guy, where you cannot wait anymore, because your whole body will be screaming for it, until you’re 18 or 20 or 25 (age does not matter), then you will have the best experience in your life and you will never settle for less.
Quality is better than quantity.
2007-02-19 19:34:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Because if you are upset with the fact that he hasn't committed to more (probably why you get upset when doesn't call/email often), then having sex with him and him continuing to act the way he does will only make things harder for you, it won't improve things. Just speak to him, ask him if he has ever considered more between you to then just friends, better to know then to be hanging around waiting for something that may never happen.
Do NOT have sex with him if you haven't resolved where things stand between the two of you, you don't want the first time to be with someone that you like who doesn't feel the same way about you, it would leave you feeling like crap afterwards, its not a pleasant feeling.
2007-02-20 02:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by OziGirl_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this guy must be real patience for him to wait 1 1/2 years to asked you. my opinion, he is not pushy at all. if you like him, why not?
2007-02-20 08:45:35 · answer #3 · answered by kenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋