I'm 21,my sister's 30.My sister has 3 kids by 3 guys.She has no job(by choice) & lives off a combo of my 7-year-old deaf niece's social security check,food stamps,& WIC.I'm living with my fiance,who is also 21.We both work full time & support ourselves.We're getting married in Sept. & paying for the wedding ourselves.My parents promised to help out,but backed out because they had to help my sis,something they always do.Recently,my sister asked me if she could borrow all my wedding things for her own wedding.This includes the decorations,my dress,veil,garter,everything but the wedding rings.She says she's marrying the dad of her youngest child & they're waiting until after I get married so they can use my stuff.She gets in violent fights with this guy every other week.She burns his things,kicks him out,cops are called.I'm offended she even asked b/c my fiance & I worked very hard to pay for our wedding.I feel she's just trying to get attention.Am I being selfish?Should I loan it to her?
2007-02-19 17:35:22 · 15 answers · asked by Keruma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you love your sister, than don't let her borrow your things. If you do then you probably will get hurt when something is missing or damaged by them. In your sisters life it sounds like shes not in control. She might look at you and how your getting married and have it pretty good so now she wants to follow suite. If she is fighting with the guy she is to marry like you said, than you better keep your things for your own memories of your happy wedding. I hope this helps you out.
2007-02-19 17:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by alone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like what your sister wants is your life and she's getting it the only way she knows how by asking to borrow your stuff. But, darling, you and I know that's not going to transform her life into yours. If you allow her to use the wedding things, tell them good-bye and don't count on ever seeing them as you remember them. Someone who lives with that amount of violence cannot but damage your things. But as someone's said, they are only things and if you can let them go, then maybe this will bless your sister.
But all the gorgeous stuff the world holds isn't gonna change her life till she does. I believe you're right about her wanting the attention. You are not being selfish. You are being wise.
If you want to have your dress to show to or share with your daughter someday then don't loan it. The party decorations will go outta style in a year's time, you might as well let them go. Save a few things for your memory book, hold back the really precious things, and then give your sister what you can really give her. It's not an all or nothing proposition. GIve only what you're comfortable giving. If she's sincerely looking to borrow the things, she'll be grateful for what you've given. If she's after attention, she'll pitch a fit over what she's not getting.
2007-02-20 02:17:05 · answer #2 · answered by CHos3n 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetie you are not being selfish its your wedding and weddings are special she is a bludger
explain that your day is special and her using your things afterwards would take away that for you both
maybe you guys could modify decorations as you would just be stuck with them anyway but the dress, garter and veil are yours
how pathetic to want the same why doesnt she get a jp and get marryed in apark or home stick with what she can afford
2007-02-23 23:27:37 · answer #3 · answered by kittykat2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not let her borrow the things you want to keep special and safe for your self so if you want to keep the dress then just tell her you are planning on having it cleaned then stored in a box and put up for your kids and that you are not planning on loaning it out if she wants your decor then its up to you most of it i am sure will not be in working order since certain things can only be used one time but your cake topper and glasses are only for you so i would not even consider them items to loan out i would just get a box of stuff together that you would be willing to let her use an tell her this is all i have that was extra or that i am willing to part with sorry but i really want to keep certain things special for our memory's and i did not think you would want to use something you could not keep any way or that is so special to us like my cake topper-glasses-unity candles or any other item you are not willing to share and just say i figured you would want somethings of your own for your own memory's and leave it at that and if she brings up anything like well what about your dress you can tell her well i was saving that for my kids or use on my tenth wedding anniversary or i did not think you would want people to see you in the same dress as me or to take pictures in it so i figured you would at least get your own and after that she can only ask and you can only keep saying the same things but don't say its because you think her guy is a jerk that will only cause a fight
2007-02-20 02:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometime we must fight for our right even if it means we are against our own family. If you thought that was selfish, you might discuss with your fiancee since the wedding is from you two hard works.
but if I was in your place, my answer is absolutely no.
2007-02-23 04:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by Benrauf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LASt time i loaned wedding things i never got them back in good shape. Some i never got back at all.
2007-02-20 02:10:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see the problem, after you use your things their just going to be put in a box and stored away, why not get your money worth and let her barrow them. two wrongs don't make a right just be nice remember what comes around goes around. their just things. you will have plenty of pictures to remember your wedding.
2007-02-20 01:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by fallen_angel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Helloooo! Noooo! @8-)
2007-02-20 01:43:49 · answer #8 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's waiting for YOU to get married to get married so she can USE your things? I'd tell her know and tell her to find a JOP.
2007-02-20 01:45:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no,a wedding is special,not your every weekend dress,and dont feel guilty about it.it your stuff to do with as you see fit,period.
2007-02-22 02:52:46 · answer #10 · answered by peppersham 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋