I'm 21,my sister's 30.My sister has 3 kids by 3 guys.She has no job(by choice) & lives off a combo of my 7-year-old deaf niece's social security check,food stamps,& WIC.I'm living with my fiance,who is also 21.We both work full time & support ourselves.We're getting married in Sept. & paying for the wedding ourselves.My parents promised to help out,but backed out because they had to help my sis,something they always do.Recently,my sister asked me if she could borrow all my wedding things for her own wedding.This includes the decorations,my dress,veil,garter,everything but the wedding rings.She says she's marrying the dad of her youngest child & they're waiting until after I get married so they can use my stuff.She gets in violent fights with this guy every other week.She burns his things,kicks him out,cops are called.I'm offended she even asked b/c my fiance & I worked very hard to pay for our wedding.I feel she's just trying to get attention.Am I being selfish?Should I loan it to her?
2007-02-19 17:34:32 · 27 answers · asked by Keruma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
NO!!
Don't loan her your wedding items!!
They are sacred to ONLY you and yours.
ONLY lend someone ANYONE< sister, friend or foe,
something that you never want back again.
Don't do it!!
she won't treat it with the dignity and respect that you deserve.
2007-02-19 17:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lilly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's bound and determined to marry this person, I wouldn't lend her the things, I'd GIVE them to her as her wedding present. Believe me you're not going to have any use for the stuff unless you sell it on eBay..unless of course you're already planning on divorcing your fiance and marrying someone else soon! The dress will go out of style, the garter gets tossed, and the decorations will gather dust. Sure your sister is a loser.. but she's still your sister. My mother wore my aunt's wedding dress back in 1945.. it seems only recently that people get the idea that a wedding dress is something sacred that should only be worn by one person! So long as you get to wear it first... have a great wedding, pass it along, and hope it brings your sister luck and happiness!
2007-02-25 15:07:58 · answer #2 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Anything you're indifferent about, you can let her borrow.
As far as dress & other clothing items, candles, or anything else you're keeping for memories I'd say no. There is no way I'd let anyone use these things from my wedding & I don't even have a demanding sister expecting to use them.
Explain that she can have SOME hand me downs, let her know what they will be, but set up your limits now so there won't be any suprises later. If she wants to get married that badly she'll go to the court house if she cannot afford her own wedding & wedding items. You don't need a wedding to get married.
2007-02-20 12:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by layla983 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Harsh as it may sound, I don't think you should loan them to her. Instead, how about trying to help her come up with something of her own? I know that won't be easy with a limited (or no) budget, but I think it would be great if you could help her. That way, you won't have to worry about what happens to your things, and she will have her own things to keep. It might be nice to loan her something of yours for the "something borrowed" part, but that's all I think you should do. You are just as entitled as she is to have good memories, and I suspect that if you let her use your things, those memories will get lost in a hurry.
From the sound of it, I'm not sure you have to worry about the whole thing very much - it doesn't sound like the sort of relationship that's going to last long enough to HAVE a wedding. I hope, instead, that you can persuade her to get some help, and get out of this mess before she makes it permanent by having a wedding.
2007-02-20 01:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Do not lend it to her. If they get so crazy together, do not support this insanity! I am sorry you are put in such a tough situation. You are not being selfish AT ALL! Your sister is very manipulative. She knows how to work your parents. Make a new life and fresh start with your fiance. Expect her to be vicious when you turn her down, but don't let her ruin your day.
Your wedding is YOUR memories that you and your fiance have worked for
Draw a boundary now or else she'll be taking advantage of both of you every which way. It will not help your sister to let her use your wedding things. If this man cared for her, he would work hard to get her something of their own for their wedding.
2007-02-20 01:51:10 · answer #5 · answered by Susan M 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I understand your point, that you spent all this money to have the wedding of your choice, and she just wants to walk in, borrow everything you worked hard to have.
But she's your sister. I tried both my sister's dresses on to see if either would work, but neither did. I think they would have been honored if I'd worn one of their dresses. My parents bought me a new dress, and it sat in their garage until 2005 when we cleaned out my mother's house and moved her into a retirement community.
That was 25 years after I'd worn it, and we just gave it to Goodwill. I had one child - a son, so I didn't have a daughter to pass it down to (not that she would have worn it, if I had had a daughter!). It's too bad, really, that someone else couldn't have worn it.
Don't let my story make you decide... this is just food for thought. Maybe you hadn't thought of this perspective. Follow your heart, whether you loan the stuff to your sister or not, is entirely your decision.
Good luck.
2007-02-20 01:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her use the decorations, but not the dress and your clothes. The last thing you want is her gleaming off of all your hard work. It takes a lot to put togather a nice wedding. Well as far as the centerpieces, what I was planning to do is put a heart under a chair and the person at the table who picked that chair gets to take it home.
2007-02-20 10:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you can't do much to change the way your sister lives her life. You can only try and warn her about the man that she has chosen to marry, but in the end the decision is hers to make. The question you need to ask yourself is if you love your sister, and would you be there to give her your support when her marriage falls apart, if it falls apart. If you love your sister, then you should not ever hesitate in loaning her anything that you have. There is nothing that says you must love your sister, but if you do no material item should ever be held more important than the love that the two of you share. Life is short...she may not be around forever for you to have a relationship with. I lost my sister two years ago, and even though we did not agree on many topics, and did not live close by, I loved her in my very own way that not many would understand. I would give anything to have her here with me to argue with or to simply tell her that I love her. Loan her the things...and wish her well, because you want to not because you feel obligated...she's your sister.
2007-02-20 02:16:16 · answer #8 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't loan the stuff to her...especially not the whole package! Why would she want a wedding with the exact same stuff, as the same people who were at yours will be at hers (for the most part)? I know it is a good thing to help out family...especially a sister...but she sound irrasponsible and you can't trust that you'll even get your things back. Lending her a few things here and there is one thing, but not all of it. As for your parents, I think that is rude of them to not help you at all because of her. Sit down and discuss with them that you could at least use a little help... Maybe they'll understand
2007-02-20 14:48:01 · answer #9 · answered by hokeygurl019 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your sister can ask -
You need to make your own decision
- you may want to save your dress for your own daughter.
Or, you may choose to share your dress with your sister if/when she pays for 1/2 of it.
Many lovely second-hand gowns are an inexpensive purchase at thrift stores.
The decorations, what would it hurt to put them to a second use?
To cut expences I suggest using flowering potted plants you can take home with you.
From the sounds of your sister's relationship is not likely to last until the scheduled wedding date. This guy is bad news for her and her kids. If you really love her - tell her to keep herself and the kids safe and far away from this guy. - (That would solve the wedding expense situation!)
2007-02-20 01:51:39 · answer #10 · answered by Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't. Sounds like she needs to learn to take care of herself and quit mooching off everyone. Tell her you can't for sentimental reasons. Especially the dress!!! Lord, what nerve she has wanting to use your dress. I could maybe see decorations, but not everything. That's really personal. I just wouldn't be able to. I would have to tell her, I'm sorry, but I'd rather not. If she can't afford a wedding, she needs to get married at the courthouse.
2007-02-20 18:50:45 · answer #11 · answered by benjis.girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋