how do you fix a relationship when one does something out of hopes to help the other and it backfires?

Question

My boyfriend confined in me that he was not happy with his fraternity saying that he felt as though everyone hated him because they never include him in stuff and so fourth. I am very very good freinds with his brothers from always being with my BF and i called his "true" freind today and said listen you gotta talk to him and tell him that you guys really do care about him and want him around.... This guy went over to his place and was like Your gf told me you think we hate you..... and all of a sudden i was getting calls from my BF telling me i messed up big time that betrayed his trust... he never said to not say anything he just said he couldnt say anything beczu he didnt know how too... All i was trying to do was help and now he is on horrible terms with me....


how do i fix this?

Answer 1

Agree with the above poster...how can you be in college and not realize for him to say anything the least bit negative or anything about his fraternity/fraternity bros was a huge leap of trust on his part and for you to "intervene" on his behalf was not betraying that trust and whatever abuse he suffered before will now be 10 fold?

I guess the closest thing that you might be able to relate to is if you dissed your parents and friends and included in your diss a HUGE secret of the parent or friend...say like one of your parents was having an affair or your friend had an abortion and then he would go to them and ask them to stop what they were doing/talking about because it interfered with your well being, except guys are not that toucy-feely. Maybe a better example would be if you had third breast or genital herpes and he shared it with all his frat brothers and they laughed and made snide comments whenever you are around...that is what he is now facing.

Fixing it, or even the possibility, will be how well you knew each other/how close/how long you were involved. If there is not much history between the two of you before this happened, it is over and you need to move on.

If you have been involved for awhile, close other than this and have a history together, the first is to tell him you are sorry and that you just hated seeing him in so much pain and only interferred out a sense of loyalty to him, but vow to never do it again, as you know he is a grown man and able to make his own decisions and that in the future you will be there to be his sounding board only, not a snitch.

Answer 2

Yeah, you screwed up big. You're not suppose to be his mom. Apoligize but if he won't accept it, you may be done. This is a biggie. I'd be so embarrassed and I'm sure he is. You insulted his manhood without even knowing it.