I have just picked up my son from school. He is in grade 1. His teacher told me that he had something to tell me. As it turns out another boy in his class has told him to call a teacher a bit*ch. And that's what he did. He knows that this is a rude word and that he is not allowed to say it, so my question is how do you teach them to say no, they won't do that. If he is doing things that kids tell him to now, I don't even want to think about the teenage years. I would like to nip this in the butt now. How do you teach them to be a leader, not a follower, to stand on your own two feet. Too not worry about how the other person will react when they say no.
2007-02-19 17:21:54 · 13 answers · asked by biancajh 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
He has been punished and tomorrow I'm taking him to the teacher to apologise. He has an older brother that lives with his dad and a baby brother.
2007-02-19 17:33:15 · update #1
He is starting sport in 2 weeks.
2007-02-19 18:38:14 · update #2
Sounds like you're going in the right direction. He's been punished. He's going to apologize.
Just make sure that he understands that the fact that someone else "got him to do it" is immaterial. He is responsible for his choice of actions, regardless of what others do or say. When he realizes he will be held fully responsible for his actions, he will think twice about acting based on what someone else "told him to do".
Also, give him a break. How old is he? 7 or 8? Don't expect him to fully understand the reasons why. Just make sure he understands what is expected of him, and what will happen if he screws up again. This does not mean you should allow him slack on the behavior you expect, just realize that he is young yet, and won't always understand the consequences on others for what he does.
Good luck
2007-02-19 21:44:38 · answer #1 · answered by LT Dan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make your son apologize to the teacher.
Also sit down with him and explain, that the other kid that told him to call the teacher the name, knew he would get into trouble. That is why he didn't do it himself.
As far as teaching them how to be a leader rather than follower, you can teach them by example.
Give him choices so that he learns to make decisions on his own. Like what cloths he wants to wear. Or if he has money to spend, give him choices.
Be sure and get him into sports if he likes sports. A bored kid is often a ornery kid.
Yes the teenage years are rough. But kids start even earlier now.
2007-02-19 18:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by Proud Grandma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he knows what he did is wrong so that is a good start. Have you asked him why he did it? At his age he will probably reply "Because so and so said to" but that is okay. Explain to him that when someone asks or tells him to do something that is wrong he should say "no, i wont do that, that is wrong" explain that if the person still tries to make him do it he should walk away and go and speak to someone, like his teacher and tell them what has happened. Tell him he should tell you when you pick him up from school also. Make sure you meet with his teacher so that she is aware of what you have discussed with your son. That way if it does happen she can thank him and reassure him that he has done the right thing by comming to her. If it is the same child that consistantly attempts to put him up to these things then make sure the teacher is taking appropriate action, as it is a form of bullying.
2007-02-19 17:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about how he felt getting into trouble for what someone else told him to do. If the child who put him up to this didn't get into trouble he may resent this fact. If so, build on that feeling and remind him regularly that following the group doesn't necessarily win you friends, it can lead to trouble. Have him also think about the fact that the child had him do this, and was not willing to do the name-calling. Boosting self-esteem and making sure they have friends who also display the same sort of behaviour you want you child to display can help. Having good friends will help against the pressure of children whose friendships are not worth cultivating, because often giving into peer pressure is a way of finding acceptance in a group. If they already have acceptance, then they will not be as likely to go looking for it with unsuitable children.
2007-02-19 22:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by Avril P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all he needs to be punished, he needs to know just because someone told him to do it doesn't make it right. Is he an only child? Tell him that just because someone tells them to do something that they know is wrong that they need to stand up and ignore them or tell an adult. I don't know from experience but maybe something like the boy scouts can help. Does he have a positive male role model?
2007-02-19 17:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by tylw85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i think you handled this perfectly. good job mom. as far as getting him to understand that he needs to stand up for himself, what you need to do is to sit down and talk to him. tell him that he knows these types of words are wrong and he should not ever say them again. tell him that there are always going to be people out there that are going to try to get you to do things that you are not supposed to do. what you need to do is to tell them no and that it is not right. if anyone tells you to do this again then tell the teacher. this is the best thing to do. it is tough for kids in school these days. i speak from experience as i was a child care provider at an elementary school for 3 years. i couldn't believe some of the things that they did and what came out of some of their mouths. you are right, you have to catch it early or else you are going to have a lot of problems on your hands. i hope this has helped you out and the problem gets solved. i wish you the best in the future. good luck.
2007-02-20 04:21:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has an inferiority complex and needs to be liked and accepted by his peers. Try to teach him at home that he is No. 1. that nobody is better than he is and let him be more assertive in his actions. Praise him as often as you can. There should be books that you can get. I don't think punishment will work.
2007-02-19 22:09:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anthony F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Resisting peer pressure (and bullies) comes from self-confidence. And self-confidence comes from love and praise at home. Knowing good from bad comes from on-going discussions about what some people do that is bad and that good people don't do bad things no matter what. It's an on-going process, not a one-shot lesson.
2007-02-20 08:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to pass the buck tell the instigator to prove hes a leader by doing it himself. The kids soon wake up and stop manipulating the newbies etc
2007-02-19 22:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by burning brightly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to keep talking to him let him know what he did by doing what other kids say was just as wrong as the word he used
he is who he is and at school he may be shy and worried that if he does not do what they tell him to they wont like him
it sounds like your child has a self esteem problem you have to find a way to bring up his self esteem and let him know no matter what he does you still love him
2007-02-19 20:53:02 · answer #10 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋