to everyone out there. how do you tell your in laws that everything you do is your way of making your own decisions and that it's not wrong when you screw up. they expect you to be perfect on everything even when you are not. there trying to run my life and i tell them over and over to stay out of my family's problems. help with advice. i tried being nice.
2007-02-19 15:41:07 · 10 answers · asked by basic324 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Why are they so involved in your decisions and the what nots of your life.
Someone has to be including them....filling them about the daily activities......
That's where it all starts...they know more then they need to.
As a couple you need to trust one another and build a relationship together that doesn't involve the third party.
If they talk to you about your lives.....listen, smile and response with "oh really", "wow," "That is interesting"...."we'll have to try that...and then its a closed issue....
DON'T FOLLOW UP.......after all is said and done...they don't need anymore information.
do whatever the two of you....(hubby and wife) want to do.
you may make mistakes...however you will learn....and at the same time if they are telling you what to do...you might learn from something they say...however its your choice to use the information or not too.
They can't run your life unless you let them....I have found it easier over the years to just listen......don't argue...that will only cause more problem later.
best wishes....stay strong
2007-02-19 18:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife/husband not to tell them things. Someone must be telling them stuff and giving details, so begin by not informing them of what you do or how you do it. If they ask, then tell them you are making the decisions and that if you need help that you will let them know. It will take some time, but maybe they will get the message and stop harassing you over every little thing. My own dad is like this - - - he drives me absolutely nuts. He found out that I bought a certain car battery that wasn't what he would buy and he gave me all kinds of he!! over it. Then he told everybody at the local "old man's hang-out" what a dumb mistake I had made.
I just hope the car battery I bought will last a long, long time so I can prove that he isn't right about everything!
2007-02-20 00:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first answer is right. It's your partners responsibility to tell their family to back off and not put you in that position. Having said that, a lot of people aren't willing "strong and independent" enough to stand up to people. I'm very outspoken and when my in laws say something I just tell them straight out how it is. Lucky for me my husband and myself think very much alike and he's right there next to me. He usually doesn't get the chance to comment before I say something. They are also starting to learn that when pushed, we will go out of our way to be difficult out of spite. You have to put the foot down FIRMLY!!! Stick to your guns. Lay down the law and change the subject. Don't for a minute give them a chance to talk about it. If they try tell them your sorry but that subject is over and change it again. They'll learn eventually....for the most part. Good Luck!!! :)
2007-02-20 00:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by Valkyrie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
And How Is That Working For You, as Dr. Phil would say! It's NOT, right? Maybe you have to get their attention more by looking them in the eye or changing your tone or being more relaxed or a zillion other things you can try. Change something because they can't hear you or they don't care. Good Luck!! @8-)
2007-02-20 01:51:44 · answer #4 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your spouse should tell the inlwas to butt out, ask them if they are perfect, ever made a mistake. and you dont need any help running your life, it works well without them, i have inlaws too and i shut mine up a long time ago cause i told my husband he could do it or i would do it and i would make history, he shut them up and life is peaceful now. the best thing about making mistakes is we get to learn form them, and even the in laws should know that. ask them if their children are perfect and when they say no then remind them they are not either
2007-02-20 00:06:58 · answer #5 · answered by Sparky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all of them are know it all. My step mother treated me like you know what for the longest time, But I told her how I felt one day. She doesn't treat me that way anymore. I didn't cuss her out or anything like that. Instead, I pointed out the real issues of how she was feeling towards me weren't actually true and that whereever her thoughts about me came from they were all wrong. yeah, make your own decisions. Stand up and be firm about what you want to tell them. They may be taking your kindness as weakness.Tell them you respect their opinions but you would like to have your own . You sound like your the one who leads the pack and your spouse is still momma's baby. later.
2007-02-20 01:02:06 · answer #6 · answered by Native 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience I can tell you what I did. I just quit letting my in laws know what was going on in our lives. I did not respond to their criticism. The less you tell them, the better.
BTW: stop trying to be nice.
2007-02-20 05:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, why are you the one telling them to stay out of your family's life? It should be your spouses place to tell them off. Don't put the stress on yourself, have the other one in your relationship take care of them, by telling them to back off.
Good luck!!!!
2007-02-20 00:02:53 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The less explaining you do the better. The less information you give them about your marriage the better.
By the way what is he/she saying about all this....these are his/her parents and you really shouldn't be involved.
(Sorry I didn't look at your avatar)
2007-02-20 00:08:55 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I smile and take it. Then I vent to someone else about them. Because there is only one person that they might listen to and thats your spouse.
2007-02-20 00:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋