I love to make out and have fun with guys.. but I've never done anything else. Nothing in my past would make me scared of men... I don't know why I get so scared when it comes down to it. I'm 20 and I feel like I'm never going to have sex! No, I don't like girls, that's not the problem.
However, I am self-concious but this guy I met makes me feel very comfortable.. and he isn't pressuring me to do anything. Has anyone else felt this way? Do I have to just wait around for my thoughts and feelings to change about sex? Thanks so much!!!!
2007-02-19 15:37:29 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When you meet the right person and get to know him, your feelings about sex will definitely change...
2007-02-19 15:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by F.J. 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Look if you really want to have sex, you will have sex. Bottomline. Apparently you are not ready. The time will come, do not rush anything because you may end up regretting it. You are 20 which is a nice age to still be a virgin. That is great! At least you are with a guy that makes you comfortable and is not pressuring you.
Many guys have usually tried to pressure me so its nice to hear there is a good guy out there. Just be careful that you are not misleading people because thats not right and it can get you in a heap of trouble! Know who you are dealing with and make your boundaries clear. In the past I made the mistake of not communicating my boundaries. Don't make that mistake and you should be fine!
I can relate to you somewhat (but not completely). I'm a 21 yr old virgin. I enjoy being affectionate with guys and I even like being turned on physically. I would love to be sexually active because it seems exciting but I know that waiting for marriage is the best choice for me. I respect and honor my body, so I am not going to go through with having sex until then.
You are grown so you make your own choices, hope this helps!
2007-02-19 15:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by ♥CJ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to sit and wait, but some part of you doesn't feel ready yet. Maybe it's the loss of childhood or disobeying your parents, but there's something holding you back.
It sounds like you have a very understanding guy so he may be willing to wait as long as it takes. But just the fact that you're coming here to ask this question indicates a change is on the horizon for you.
If you need encouragement, I'm giving it. There's nothing better than sex in the world. You will wonder why you waited so long.
But if you still feel like you're not ready, sit down and talk to yourself about it, then talk with him about it. He might have some insight. Then you'll have more information to help you decide whether to take the plunge into that wonderful world where your body comes alive and your love for your partner just grows stronger.
Good luck, but I'm pretty it's going to happen soon.
2007-02-19 15:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several thoughts occur to me.
Like most things in life, how much you get out of sex depends on how much you have invested in it. If you are only interested in "fooling around", "seeing what it is like", or having sex just so you can say you "did it"; you are bound to be disappointed.
Unfortunately not everything about sex is simply a matter of opinion. Now, I am not saying this to try to scare you, or to sway you one way or the other. I just think you should know; sex is very risky, it is one of the riskiest things you can do in your life. By giving your body to someone else you are risking your well being, your feelings, your safety, your trust, etc etc....not to mention the risk of STD's and pregnancy.
No matter what your attitude is, sex always requires a huge amount of intimacy and trust. And no matter how well intentioned, if that trust is misplaced, you may be risking some things that you cannot easily get back. It is no wonder your intuition is saying you should not be comfortable about "casual" sex.
That is not to say that such a risk is not worth it. The closeness, love, commitment, trust, and giving that you can share with another person is more than worth the risk. That is, If you are willing to freely give these things, and if your partner is willing to do the same. These are the things that make sex enjoyable and beautiful, not just the physical act. Sex is not evil, it is not wrong, it is not selfish, dirty or depraved. It is actually one of the most unselfish things you can do for another person. By having sex with someone, you are implying that you not only want to be closer to them than anyone else, but you are also willing to have children and start a family with them.
If you feel that you and your partner are ready for this sort of thing, one last thing I would recommend is that you see a general practitioner or OB-GYN first, before you become sexually active. He/she can give you a quick exam, help you stay safe, and give you some practical advice on how to make the experience more enjoyable. All doctors are required to keep patient information confidential.
Whatever you decide, good luck......
~Donkey Hotei
2007-02-19 16:58:54 · answer #4 · answered by WOMBAT, Manliness Expert 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you do. Or rather, you should. There's nothing wrong with you sweetie, you're just sound like you're not ready, and there's no shame in it. Don't force yourself into anything just because you think that's what is expected of you! The only person you have to please is yourself, and the only person you are guaranteed to have to live with for the rest of your life is you. So make sure you're very comfortable with the decisions you make.
Again, there is nothing wrong with waiting. I don't know how many girls I know who wished they had waited longer. I'm not preaching the "wait till marriage" thing, but wait until the time is right.
You'll know if this guy is in the one - the fact that he's not pressuring you is a good sign, but make sure it's right for you. :) If you decide to go forward, discuss your feelings with him. Let him know you're nervous. His reaction can speak volumes about how he cares for you, and it will let you know if you need to jump ship or if it's just right.
2007-02-19 15:42:53 · answer #5 · answered by Charade 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't lose your virginity to prove you're not scared. Do it when the time is right (wow, that has double meaning there, doesn't it?)
Even if it means waiting for a while, that's OK. Having sex doesn't make you any different or special than any other person in the world, so focus on finding a good guy and wait for the right time.
2007-02-19 15:54:36 · answer #6 · answered by HOLLISTER♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait until you feel right about it. If this guy makes you feel comfortable then you may be on the right track. Don't jump into sex just to have sex, you don't want to regret it in the morning. I waited until I was 19. I found the right guy and he made me feel good about myself and our relationship. We have been married for 7 years now with 2 kids.
2007-02-19 15:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by cvhuntaylor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I did the same thing...I loved to kiss and make out but I never had sex until I met my husband. So just be patient and don't rush into anything just because of your age or peer pressure....wait for the right man to come along.
2007-02-19 15:48:24 · answer #8 · answered by Cookie48 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think about it. What are your values? Do you believe in waiting until you're married? Or are you planning on having premarital sex? Just because you're 20 does not mean you HAVE to have sex. Think about the pros and cons. Good luck! I wish you the best on your decision.
P.S. I believe in waiting until you're married to have sex, so one thing to think of is... if you have sex with this guy, that will be a piece of your heart you can't give to your spouse. Your virginity is the greatest gift you can give to you husband or wife, and you should treasure it and be proud of it. Virginity is cool. Not everyone is doing it. So follow your heart and don't do it just because you feel like you HAVE to.
2007-02-19 16:02:14 · answer #9 · answered by melissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you should be scared, I waited till i was 19 almost 20 and then i was married, but listen there's so much stuff out there be careful , and look if you like this guy wait till your sure and tell him you never have and its important that you feel like its the right time and right person, he will respect you so much and more then likely he will fall totally in love with you because not allot of young girls are like that now a days, but be proud of your choices.its not cause your scared your right, its because you actully have a brain, kootos to you!!!!
2007-02-19 15:55:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it time you will know when you meet the right person your thoughts will change so don't worry too much if you don't have sex now, nothing is going to change is you have sex at 20 or 30 it is still the same
2007-02-19 15:42:40 · answer #11 · answered by Jane_Doe 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋