How do you deal with death?

Question

Three years ago, my chorus teacher died from a heart attack. His death took a huge toll on me since we were very close. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I owe that to him because he was my chorus teacher my entire time in school.

Dealing with his death has been very hard on me, and I can't seem to find the right way to move on, but not let go. I also haven't been able to appreciate music as much as I used to and have stopped singing completely.

I desperately want this part of my life back, but I can't seem to do it with his death. Anyone have suggestions?

Answer 1

Have you thought of joining a support group or seeing a counselor? I think you feel guilty about enjoying your music & somehow dishonoring his memory. It would be a tribute to him for you to con't your music which you both loved.

Answer 2

Death is a normal part of life. We all know we're going to die right? Would you want someone to never be able to get past your death? Of course not and neither does your teacher. He wanted to share music with you and the fact that you can't enjoy it the way you used to would be something he'd find upsetting, don't you think? He is fine and has gone on to another place. You are here and holding on to anything from the past is very damaging for you. It depletes you immune system and makes your life seem pale and shallow. Obviously you miss him but that is pretty much a selfish thing on your part. That's why people are so upset when people die, because they selfishly think how much they are going to miss the other person. If you think letting go of that sad feeling you get when thinking of him is also letting go of any memory of him you're wrong. You MUST let go and that does nothing to diminish him, his life or his importance in your life. You need to let go of feeling sad and like you lost something. Memory is always there for you to access just don't get bogged down in the feelings you felt right after his death. He would seriously want to you to move on AND remember him!

If you get a chance read Deepak Chopra's Life After Death.

Answer 3

Death, either our own or others', involves a process of grieving. That process has stages, which often overlap. Here they are:

Anger
Denial
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

I went thru a near-death experience --- spent many months going further and further downhill, and all the evidence pointed to my death. I gotta say, by the time I got to the Acceptance stage, it was a freakin' relief!! Because the Depression stage was really, well.....depressing.

Your teacher lived his life, and would want you to live yours, too. You honor his memory by creating music, which is what drew you together. So SING! Sing out your love, sadness, and feelings for this person. It will help you move on thru this, which is NECESSARY for you to return to your life. Try not to wallow ---- if you get sad thinking about him, turn it around and think of all he offered while he was living. Because we all die. It's how we live that matters. How YOU live matters.

Embrace his memory, and let him go. He's at peace, and you should be, too.

Answer 4

I think the most important things to do in order to deal w/ death & be able to be conforted & move on is to understand what happens to us when we die.

Most of the world's religions teach that something inside a person continues living after the body dies. Some religious groups still cling to the idea that God punishes the wicked by subjecting them to eternal suffering in a fiery hell. But this is not true.

God Word states: "The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages." since the dead "are consciuos of nothing at all," they cannot hear, see, speak, feel or think. They no longer earn any wages. How could they? They are incapable of work! So then, "their love and hate and their jealousy have already perished," for they cannot express any emotion. (Ecclesiastes 9:5,6,10)

What the Bible says on this subject is simple and clear - the dead do not contiue to ive somewhere. There is nothing that leaves our body at death and lives on so as to be reborn in another body, as stated by those who believe in reincarnation. We might illustrate matters this way: The life that we enjoy is like the flame of a candle. When the flame is extinguished, it does not go anywhere. It is simply gone.

Now, this can be comforting on different levels. Not only do you not have to worry about your friend burning in a hell, being in limbo in purgatory, or worry about him "haunting" his living relatives and friends.

But what happens now? What hope does he have? Or does he have any, if he's simply dead and unconscious? You'll be happy to know that God has promised that there will be a resurrection of the dead! A resurrection to an earthly paradise (not to heaven like again, most religions teach). The Bible teaches this!

If you would like to learn more ... please visit this link: http://www.watchtower.org/e/20060315/article_02.htm

And if you would like even further information on this subject, or any other (which can all be answered w/ the Bible), go to this link from the same website:
https://watch002.securesites.net/contact/submit.htm

Answer 5

If music was something was very special between the two of you, I can see why it would be hard for you to move on and still enjoy it. However if you stayed with it, and kept the thought that singing and music is how you remember him and honor all that you shared, you can turn it into something positive.
When someone is gone it can be unbearable, but what we have to hold onto, the memorys and the things left behind can be used to drive us forward too. You don't ever forget what this person meant to you, you take him with you and celebrate his life and his contributions, by undertanding what it would mean to him that you continued on with everything he taught you. As a teacher I would think he was very passionate about his music, and in his dealth he would hope he helped his students to take it with them, and that was his legacy. Turn your pain into fondess for someone who meant so much to you, and still does.

Answer 6

Sometimes it takes an awful long time to let go. You can shorten the time (and of course, you never really let go, unless you forget them, and don't worry-you won't), if you can speak with a "grief counselor".

Sometimes a big part of letting go is learning to not feel guilty about moving on. A professional can help you understand that.

Don't be embarrassed or afraid. You'll feel better almost instantly, even if it takes a while to get all the way back.

Answer 7

Death is always a hard thing to go though.. a few years ago my boyfriend took his own life---I wanted to die myself, but I knew I had to push on, I thought I was going to be depressed forever, and like you, I had stopped singing-- Then my friend told me that he had seen a medium- they are people who claim to speak with the dead-- now I didn't believe any of it until I went-- I did my research and found a woman who lived 2 hours away and decided to try it-- it turned out to be amazing- she knew so many details it was impossible for me to deny it--- personally, that really helped me to heal and to eventually sing again- so if you're open to new ideas, try it out...just make sure you do your research first and good luck.

Answer 8

Remember the memories, like you said you owe it to him, you owe it to him to live the music career that you have instilled in you because of him, not to put it away. Think of what you think he would want you to do, look I know it's hard but it is time now to except that he has gone to a safe place now and it is time for you to start living again, let go and start living, thats what he would want, make him proud, I always find seeing a counsellor helps me to sort out my questions i ask myself and put's me back on track... You do have to let go, to move on, remember those memories, moving on means, letting go, he will always be in your heart.
I wish you all the best...

Answer 9

Call your local Hospice and they can set you up with a grief counselling session or group that is free of charge. They are very good at helping people through grief.

Answer 10

you just have to try and move on, im sure your teacher would have wanted you to enjoy music on his behalf.

Not to be rude, but your story sounds like a really good idea for a movie as long as it ends well.