My daughter turned 16 on January 24th. She is a sophomore and her boyfriend is a senior. My husband thinks 10:30, I think she should be able to stay out until 11:00 or so. However, my inlaws believe that she should not stay out past 10:00. All of this refers to Friday & Saturday nights. I do not understand why my husbands parents have any say so in this matter. Through the week is a different story.. not much problem there because her boyfriend lives in a different town & mostly only comes over on the weekends. Do I have a right to be upset if my inlaws are trying to control what time our daughter should be home on the weekends??
2007-02-19 15:26:34 · 16 answers · asked by ~Sheila~ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks everyone for your answers. This is my daughters 'first love' and we trust her, she has never given us a reason not to. Actually, I tell my husband from time to time that she is not a typical teenager who wants to run the streets with her friends etc. She has always been content in staying at home. My husband & I have discussed the issue about her boyfriend, we both think that he is very respectful of our daughter.
2007-02-19 16:17:39 · update #1
The ultimate decision rests with the parents. You have the right being upset with in-laws interferring.
You and your husband need agreement as to time limits.
Tell your in-laws (in a nice way) to butt-out. Their opinion is neither helpful or needed.
2007-02-19 15:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by Living In Korea 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every reason to be upset. It's your daughter and the curfew should always be set by parents. I imagine that your inlaws simply don't know her boyfriend the way you do and are just looking out for her safety. Remember times have changed and perhaps their parents were more strict. Curfew, in my mind, reflects trust. You and your husband need to agree on a time and perhaps make it a slide scale, rewarding her for good actions/grades with a little later curfew. If there's any conflict between the parents, she's obviously going to pick sides and take the later time (knowing that if the curfew is debated, a punishment will be as well). Be upfront with the inlaws, thank them for their advice but tell them to back off (or ask your husband to do that).
2007-02-19 15:52:32 · answer #2 · answered by tedshalo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like the two previous answers, I think its up to you and your husband, the grandparents really have nothing to say about it. 9 or 10:00 pm during the school week is fair, but I think there should be a little more leniency during the weekends and when school is not in session. It depends on what they are planning...obviously a movie that starts at 9 will probably not be over in time for them to be home at 10:30.
I guess what it really amounts to is: Do you trust your daughter? Do you trust your daughter's boyfriend to respect her? Even with a later weekend curfew I don't think its too much to expect them to tell you where they are going, who they are going to be with, and when they will be home? I'd also make sure that the boy understands that there is to be no alcohol or drugs at any time.
I always had the understanding with my two girls that they were NOT to get in the car with anyone that had been drinking, and they were to call me for a ride home if necessary. The first time I met my #2 daughter's new husband he was talking to a friend about parties and beer (they were high school seniors) and I not-so-politely told him that if he EVER got behind the wheel of a car after consuming alcohol with my daughter as a passenger that he wouldn't have to worry about the consequences of a DWI...he'd learn what MADD was all about. Of course I also said that if they, as a couple, went somewhere and got into a situation where they were unable to drive home (for whatever reason) or their driver was not able to drive, that they could call me day or night and I would chauffer them home myself, no questions asked that night. I didn't say I wouldn't raise cain the next day!
2007-02-19 15:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the parents, it's your call. But she is still a minor at 16, so you have every right to know where she is going and to have her be back by 11:00. Where she gets to learn some responsibility is in earning or losing that privilege. If she comes home at 11:30, then it's 10:30 next time. If she regularly honors your curfew, then she may earn a later time. Be flexible, but she needs to understand that by being responsible, she will earn your trust - that goes for the boyfriend as well!
2007-02-19 16:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by Lightshow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, You shouldn't even have to get upset with the inlaws, only with your husband if he lets them interfere. That is a decision that you and your husband must make for your daughter and any other child. Personally, I think that the daughter should have a say in it as well. That keeps the whole situation open to the three of you when circumstances change, like grades and the such. Basically, I think that parents should have agreed upon terms of a curfew for each individual child, based on what standards you may need to hold stronger (like grades, or partying). Don't even be angry with the inlaws, their oppinion means nothing, they raised their children.
2007-02-19 15:40:27 · answer #5 · answered by mom2cnc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In-laws may have some input, but you and your husband have the ultimate say. I'm sure your in-laws are just a little nervous and maybe old fashioned.
Since my daughter has shown responsibility, I try to be a little flexible with her curfew, depending on what her and her bf are doing for the night. Thankfully, they spend most nights at our house renting movies to watch. (It's cheaper that way). If they do go out and see they are going to be late and missing curfew on the way home, then please talk to the boy and tell him that driving safely is more important than rushing and trying to get her home exactly on time. If they are honest, then I'd give them a break.
More advice: No matter how nice and respectful that boyfriend is, keep your eye on him. My daughter dated a guy who was beyond nice to me and was in the top of his class. Found out really quick that I couldn't leave him alone with her.
2007-02-19 16:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you have a right to be upset. She is not their daughter, she is yours. I understand why your husband wants an earlier curfew. He knows what guys are like. Especially a guy who comes from out of town to see a girl 2 years younger. 30 minutes though won't make a huge difference. Why not let your husband have the 10:30 curfew and just tell your daughter to go out 30 minutes earlier.
2007-02-19 15:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by scarbados 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First one question, do your in-laws live with you? If they do then i think they have a say in the matter but not as much as you and your husband do. If they don't live with you then don't worry about it.
I think a compromise is in order. If in laws live with you then it should be 10:30 if not then 10:45.
Also dose your town or state have a curfew for minors if so then your curfew should be an hour before the town or state curfew.
To protect you and your daughter in case she or her boyfriend get lost or have car trouble, etc.
2007-02-19 15:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely you have a right she is your daughter, you and your husband should agree on a curfew time for your teen daughter, find a compromise, your hussband says 10:30 you say 11:00 how about 10:45. tell your in laws you are not married to them and your daughter is your daughter not theirs, i understand they are probably just concerned as grandparents usually are but ultimately this issue is owned by you and your husband
2007-02-19 15:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by Sparky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude to your in-laws but their only the grandparents not the parents. Because yor husband thinks 10:30, and you think 11:00 you should make her cerfew 10:45 or so. I understand that she is a teen and wants fun but rules are what they are, rules. For the in-laws tell them to back off in a nice and mature way. You and your husband should dicuss this. In my opinon 10:45 pm is the way to go.
2007-02-19 15:39:47 · answer #10 · answered by Kiki T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is an issue for you and your husband to discuss together and then to talk maturely with your daughter. Like anything, you can compremise, maybe 10.30 one night and 11 or 11.30 the other. Show your trust in both boy and your daughter and discuss your reasons with them both. If there is a very special event tell them that you will be happy to let them come home later but they should clear it with you and your husband first. Tell your husband that you do not want his in laws invoved in this matter and you don't care to hear their views
2007-02-19 15:31:23 · answer #11 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋