Family Problems.....HELP!?

Question

Ever since my sister got a boyfriend, my parents and my sister always kept fighting, her telling lies, untill they yelled at her to move out. I didn't feel happy of sad about it. I just felt "ok?" my sister then calls me and say that she is with her boyfriend. Its been two days already and she misses us. She wants to come back home but my parents doesn't like her lying again.

My parents let her go out w/ the boyfriend as long as she is a full time student. the boyfriend keeps her away from school and then maybe take over her. Telling her what to do and how to do it. They have been off and on and it has been driving the family crazy!

her boyfriend keeps controlling her. like doing her laundry and cleaning his shoes and stuff like that. they are not even married!
my parents, my cousins, and my sister's friends know all of the bad things that the boyfriend does to her and they don't like how he is treating her, but she doesn't want to break up with him

what should i do?

Answer 1

not much you can do apart from being there for her when she needs someone to talk too.

Answer 2

Please don't think this is something you have to handle. The main players in this game are your sister and her boyfriend and your parents. Unfortunately, the one person who has the power to leave and come home is your sister and she has lost credibility with your parents.
I don't blame your parents for being tough with your sister but the next time she phones and asks to come home, I think they should let her and tell her that she has one chance to prove she's strong enough to be a real member of the family. They have heard her lie and they know he's not good to her but SHE doesn't do anything about being with someone who is no good to her. She stayed with him, right? Your parents are probably afraid too that she will show up pregnant and that is why she wants to be in their house.
If your sister came home, would she be a full-time student? Would she still be seeing this guy? Would she be coming home after school or being with him? I'll bet the latter.
This is something your sister has to decide. I wish there was some way you could decide it for her but it doesn't work that way. I hope it all works out for your parents and your sister. But you are kind to be so concerned and upset that she is gone.

Answer 3

I think she's not in the correct time for understanding that his bf is using her! sometimes people must be in a some situation to learn something but u and ur family should not ignore her coz sooner or latter she'll find out what is going on and in that time she really needs u and ur family and if she feel that u don't want her anymore God's know what could happen. i think it should be something like this: ur parents just judge her all the time and make her feel that she is bad and they don't love her coz of these liying and things she do and in other hand she talk to her bf and tell her those and he talk and talk and makes her feel that he's the only one who understand her and love her. she is not in a mode that remind her nobody love her and care about her more that her family. for the 1st reason that her bf is not love her is if he loves her she never let her to leave her parents and try u made her back but as i see he just want her to use in the way he wants. try to talk to ur sister and ur parents and make them u talk to her and tell her to came back and be friend with her , no body need a boss.

Answer 4

Wow! This sounds like me. (hey, are you my brother??)

Two years ago. I was caught in an unhealthy relationship. I kept fighting with my Mom whenever the subject came up. I felt really distant and sad. I even gained a lot of weight at the time (my boyfriend was overweight too, so he didn't mind). I never had those long "female bonding chats" with my mom before bed anymore, and I missed her so much (i'm her only daughter).

My ex-bf actually tried to brainwash me in thinking my mom was a horrible person. He always emphasized on her faults.
Psychologically, he was destroying my self-esteem. I was never the cheerful confident girl I used to be in high-shool (we dated 2nd year into college until I graduated and returned home). I was always watching over my shoulder whether or not my action might get his disapproval. His disapproval would mean a very looooooooooooooooooooooooong lecture about what I should've or shouldn't have done. (I remember putting my cell-phone down for a while and when I picked it up again he was still talking).

I guess returning home and being in the company of the people who genuinely love me and constantly pray for my happiness and well-being is what made me dump him. Before that, I started looking at him from a different perspective and started respecting myself as an intelligent girl and followed my parents' advice to work out.

Its not easy to see through a window that is clouded with love, lust and unreasonable ways of thinking. So, I guess it might have to take much time for your sister to come back to her senses. Becauese she's in close counters with that guy who uses her and needs her there.

And for you and the rest of your family, show her that you care about her much more than her bf does. Don't go around judging the guy, it seldom works that way. Just always be there for her no matter what she does or how often she lies. She is lying only so her family won't resent her. When she comes home, act as if the guy doesn't exist and just love her. Because bringing him up would only cause trouble.

Good luck.

Oh yeah, its good to be home! ('w')v

Answer 5

You guys can't make her break up with him, no matter what, she's going to stay with him because she loves him, also she's got no where else to go since she was kicked out of the house. The best thing to do is to just let her be & she will learn her lesson. The more he controls her, the more unhappy she will be & will realize she's in a unhealthy relationship. When she calls you guys, just be there for her, give her good advice but don't nag at her to break up with him. Let her do that on her own so she can learn. A person will never learn their mistakes without the experience & will never learn when she's got people on her back trying to make decisions for her.

Answer 6

Wow, this is tough. Unfortunately, this guy is taking advantage of your sister. And because it's your parents' house, you can't invite her to come back, it's really up to them. Try talking to her and remind her that she's being treated very badly. If you don't have any luck, try getting in touch with her best girl friend and ask her to help with the talking. If people are constantly telling her how much they care about her and that she is in a bad relationship, it might help her to move on. I am so sorry that this is happening, but there really isn't much you can do after talking to her. Best wishes to your family.

Answer 7

How old is your sister? Is she a minor b'coz if she is then you can file a complaint against her boyfriend and your family can file a restraining order against him. But if she's not then only your sister can remedy her situation. Sometimes we have family members or friends who have strayed and are lost. All you can do is to pray for her . Until she realizes she made a wrong decision you can't force her to go back .. just be there for her when she needs help .. later on she will realize that you were always there for good and bad, ok?

Answer 8

As sad as it is, the best thing to do is probably let her suffer until she's tired of it. It's horrible when these things happen because you want to protect people but you can't always do that. The more you tell her not to see him, the more she'll want to. Let her see what a bad guy he is and let her know that as soon as she's ready to make the right decision, you're family will be open and accepting of her again. With any luck she'll see her mistake and come back to you. I wish you luck - stay strong, you're a great brother :)

Answer 9

unfortunetly, this is a growing pain most of us go through. your sister is going to have to make that final cut from this guy when she's ready. but, it's her experience and her choice. your parents probably realize this and are just frustrated with the situation because they love her so deeply. she's going to come out of this a stronger person, either way.

the only thing you can do... is be a shoulder for her. just be there and keep her connected to what's going on at home.

Answer 10

you know what I went through almost through the same situation about 5 years ago..and I can srill remmember it like it was yesterday...sooo many days I had cried because of it...but oyu know what....the reason why she felt like she dontwant to leave him is because she dont get the love she wanted from her family...the more you try to stop her or go against her she will be rebllious about it..to me the best thing to do as a brother is spend some time with her..let her realize she got a brother that cares...give it some time..blood is thicker then water..and for oyu to take that step or effort to let her know what a real man should be as of a brother then it will click into her mind whats shes really worth..if oyu know what I mean...write me back withthe results or more detail info...( [e-mail])

Answer 11

Sad but true your parents can't give your sister her life experiences she has to find out for herself. If that means falling on her face first then that is what is going to happen.. Your parents are more scared then angry. Let her know you love her and all will work out for the better sooner or later.....