Mark, it sounds as if life has dealt you a seriously bad series of blows in the past while. Although I cannot say I have suffered your magnitude of difficulties, I have had my own too. I, too, thought about ending it because it was so bad, but I just could not do to my children what husband did to me. I know how hard it is when your chemistry goes off and your thoughts have a live of their own. It really feels as if you are trapped and it gets worse by the hour. I know how it is and give daily thanks for the meds that keep me balanced.
You MUST find an outlet to speak to. Go to your local minister or pastor TOMORROW. His job is to help souls in torment and you definitely qualify. You need help NOW. If you are on medication see your doctor. Meds have to be adjusted once in awhile. Perhaps this might help. But SPEAK TO HIM. Tell him what is happening with you. Omit no details. Go in to see him soon. Say it is an emergency and be firm. Mention you are contemplating suicide and they will have you in quickly.
You MUST forgive yourself for your transgressions. Until you can find forgiveness in your heart for yourself, no words from anyone else can make much of a difference. You will not believe them. Self forgiveness is always the hardest thing to give. It is so much easier to forgive other. Why is it so much easier for us to give to others what we deny ourselves? Until you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself, you will remain where you are.
You are not giving yourself credit. You beat Meth, Mark, that is very hard. Your addiction has cost you a great deal, so make your losses count a wee bit. Take knowledge that you were strong enough to break an addiction to one of the hardest drugs to quit going. Some strength deep inside drove you to face that nightmare. Dig deep inside and see if you can find that something now. Just knowing that you are capable of facing such horrors is something to take pride in.
From that strength, and with help, you will improve.
We have never met, but, Mark, I do care that you take care of yourself and get things better for you.
Do you see the GOOD you just did by putting this question out? I just read the posts. You have given several people the opportunity to speak to you and take pride in their own hard work and healing! This is healing for them to speak and offer you their own stories.
2007-02-19 15:12:27
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answer #1
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answered by Noor al Haqiqa 6
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Sounds very similar to my own story. I was hooked (meaning every day) for 2 years as well. It is very hard, to say the least. I have although been clean for more than 7 years. When I say I know how you feel, trust me I do. God helped me through it. When I was all alone - because just like you said all your so called friends disappear - I turned to God and church and without even having to tell them my story, the church people were so open to. If I were you I would first of all try to patch my marriage. Tell your wife you need her support through it, and though it is hard to even get out of bed, make an effort to show her you've changed. The mental and the physical pain are both very normal in this situation - this too with time will pass. It WILL get better. It sounds like you hit rock bottom just as I did and realized you have to change. That was a big step!! Be strong and don't give up. That first year is the hardest! You will not even feel like getting out of bed without the drugs at first, but you can do it. I DID!!! Good Luck!
2007-02-19 15:21:21
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answer #2
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answered by Angel D 2
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There is always hope. I am in the same boat. I have no friends left and I'm 33. I am a drug addict and although I'm doing much better, I still binge on cocaine. You need to contact your county health dept. and tell them you don't have any money, no isurance, and need immediate psychiatric help! If that doesn't work, call the police and tell them you're suicidal and by law, they have to check you into a hospital and see where it goes from there! Just don't kill yourself. Yes, I think about it all the time as well but I could never do it. There must be something in life you enjoy! I enjoy my pets and watching t.v. and I know that doesn't sound much to live for but it's something. Also, I live with my Mom and she'd be devestated if I took my life. I know you must have some familiy member that cares atleast a bit about you! Also, try going to NA meetings, there is tons of support there! I tried, it's not for me but for a lot of people it's like another family and they make friends that do care. Let your wife know that you are going to get help and to give you a chance to get better but if she is just too exhausted, don't blame her or get too depressed. I have lost many friends and loved ones 'cause of my depression, addiction, and behavior but I can't blame them! Why should we bring them down with them? They deserve more. There are also suicide prevention hotlines. Get some help. They have came up with tons of new meds. recently and I am thinking myself of going back on them. You beat meth and that is something big! You should be glad you are still alive and not incerated! Those people you did meth with were not your friends and I'm sure you don't miss them, you miss the meth, right? Good luck, buddy!
2007-02-19 15:16:19
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answer #3
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answered by SHELTIELUVER 3
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Please go to the ER until you are safe. There are many signs here that you are very sick and suffering. Depression is an illness, this can be treated. Please call your therapist and tell that person that you are worried, if you don't get through to the therapist tell close friends and family and ask them to watch you or stay over at a friends or family members. In other words, don't be alone! It sounds like a break in therapy at this point is dangerous. If you don't feel your therapist is helping, tell that person. If you feel like you are not being heard, ask for a referral for another therapist. When you get off medications it can make you feel more depressed. I understand you don't want to feel synthetic however is that worse than how you are feeling right now? If you are unhappy with the way your medications make you feel adjustments can be made until you get the results you hope for. It takes time to find the right combo for you. Please, don't give up hope. There are many options out there for you and you can live a fulfilling life. Please remember, you are suffering from an illness, this is not something that is your fault or that you may even be in control. As a matter of fact you sound very out of control at the moment. Please call anyone you can until get through to someone.
2016-05-24 18:44:44
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answer #4
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answered by Tanisha 4
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I also know what it is like to be so depressed it hurts physically. I am only able to get help because I go to the county where they charge a nominal yearly fee and even can get your medications for free if you don't have any income. I don't know what it's like everywhere else. This is in California. But I'm sure there are resources out there if you reach out and look. You need someone as soon as possible to help you fight this depression. I couldn't go it alone. At least go to a church, and they can advise you what to do.
2007-02-19 15:19:45
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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There are funded organizations and agencies which provide counseling free of charge or at a minimal charge. You should try to get some support from somewhere. Even if you just join a support group where you can talk about your issues with other people. Sometimes just having other people to listen and offer advice can help you to feel better about your situation. Try contacting your local family resources or public health department and get in touch with some people who can help. Don't give up...you've come too far for that.
2007-02-19 15:12:40
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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anything will help. go to a trusted friend and confide in them and talk to them about it. you'll feel better after you talk and your friend may be able to help you with your depression. you could also write your feelings down on a piece of paper and if you don't want anyone to read it, flush it down the toilet or something...tell yourself that you never have to deal with today again, tomorrow is another, better day. tell yourself that and it will be! remember, no matter how hard life gets, it WILL get better. if things have gotten as bad as they can, the only way is up. never think negative thoughts, find the good in everything and everyone. try to have a positive outlook on the world even though there aren't many good things going on. trust me, it WILL get better if you have a positive attitude. it may be hard, but the reward is great. good luck and i hope you feel better!
2007-02-19 15:13:13
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answer #7
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answered by rt1290 6
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Mark, I am so sorry that life is so tough for you. I remember telling my therapist once that severe depression is harder to deal with than the cancer I had. Can you see a psychiatrist to see if they can help you. A psychiatrist can better prescribe antidepressant than another kind of dr. A psychiatrist can get the dose of meds up faster than another kind of dr. If you get really suicidal you may need to go to the emergency room. I think the hospital can get meds up fast. I am praying for you. A church can give support good when ya go thru a tough time.
2007-02-19 15:19:16
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answer #8
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answered by smiley 3
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I'd strongly advise you contact Suicide Prevention Services at any of the following numbers:
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Depression Hotline: 630-482-9696
As far as I know they are a non-profit organization and are made up entirely of volunteers, you won't have to pay anything.
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you're gonna be up again. But life goes on.
2007-02-19 15:19:31
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answer #9
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answered by Andrew F 1
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Check in to the nearest state hospital. While in there, ask for a social worker and explain your situation. You will get the help that you need. This suggestion sounds alot scarier than it actually is.
2007-02-19 15:20:18
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answer #10
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answered by Danny 2
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