I need help with getting rid of stress.AND NOTHINGS WORKING.?

Question

I once new a man named everet.I thought he was my moms really good friend from back in highschool.But after his death I found out that my mom maried him.And he was my real father.

Now everyone says I look just like him.And things were just very wrong with him.And ever since i got told I have been having problems in school.At home.Every night I sit in my bed Crying my self to sleep.And just for some reason i feel all this hatetred toward my mom.And i just dont know what to do.Im seeing a counselour and it doesent help it just makes me even more up set.WHAT DO I DO?IM 13 YEARS OLD.AND I DONT WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE OVER THIS.

Answer 1

Wow, I'm really sorry that your mom and dad lied to you, that has got to be some shock! Will your mom even tell you what the reason was for the lie? Did your dad marry somebody else, or something? You said some things were wrong with him--maybe that's why--but it was still wrong.

Give your counselor some time--it doesn't work overnight--but it does work if you work with it.

It is good to write down in a notebook everything you are thinking--nobody has to see it, unless you want them to. Write in it every day, it helps release some of the stress. Don't throw your notebooks away--save them, but hide them from others.

It helps to burn some lavender incense (or a candle). Lavender is a relaxing aromatherapy, and can help you to sleep.

It also helps to learn to meditate (books on this at the library). It helps to clear your mind.

About an hour before you want to sleep, take a warm bath, and drink a warm cup of milk or Chamomile Tea. Sometimes these things will also help you to sleep.

Get a lot of fresh air and exercise during the daytime. This helps to relieve stress, and depression too.

Don't have any caffeine after lunch time (chocolate even contains caffeine)

Don't eat a lot of food after 5 or 6PM

Writing, walking in the fresh air, and exercising should all help reduce the stress. Your counselor and you will get better after a while. The lavender, warm bath, and warm milk or Chamomile Tea should help you relax and get to sleep at night.

You should not focus on hating your mom--if something was wrong with your dad, she might have had very good reasons for keeping him away from you. I know it's hard--I would be mad too--but hate isn't going to help you get to feeling better.

You should try to concentrate on your school work. I know that this will be hard--but it will help you to stop thinking as much about your very stressful situation.

Don't feel bad if you look like your dad, that doesn't have anything to do with the kind of person you are. He was him, and you are you--a different person--an individual--a good person.

You should get out a book of positive affirmations from the library. They are good for you to read to yourself--about yourself. Don't forget to get books on meditation too--if you learn how to do it, it can really clear up your mind.

None of this is your fault--remember that always.

Feel free to email me if you want to talk. I am the mom of six, though they are now all grown.

Answer 2

What he is has little bearing on what you can be, for a start, you have only inherited half your genes from him, and if you are aware that you may possibly have a tendency to develop in certain, undesirable directions, you can constantly be on the lookout for the signs (like excessive negative self dialogue), and take early remedial action. Have you never made a mistake? Everyone is only human, and therefore fallible, and we all make them. The present Catholic Pope was once in the Hitler Youth movement, and despised Jews. Well, don't hold your mother to an impossibly high standard; she made a mistake once, but at least came to realise that the person she thought she knew, wasn't really like that at all, only pretending to be, so he could ingratiate himself with her, and use her for his purposes, against her best interests! So, resolve now to forgive her for a foolish mistake she once made, when she was younger and lacked wisdom and judgement, as do we all. Then, when the time is right (soon), tell her about what you have been going through. Sleep on it! You would be well advised to learn how to find your centre of consciousness, through the techniques to be found at: www.relax7.com/7.php and in the blogs of Shan Eris on "tackling depression" at www.myspace.com It may help if you were to change your counsellor, and try to get off on a better footing with a new one.

Answer 3

I have accually had this problem myself. I found out that who I thought was my dad really wasnt. It's a real blow and you have every right to be mad and angry. Really only time will heal this and just trying to get through your teen years will be tough but I hope you dont let yourself dwell on this for a long time... I had to move on because the pain can criple you and later in life when your older you will regret all the time you wasted being angry and hurt over the mistakes of your parents, things that you cannot control like how you were born. Trust me, you are not your parents, you have your own identity, dreams and your own future that they cannot control or change. Talking to someone can help.. but you can help yourself by just moving on and just focus on getting by...there will be alot more challenges headed your way, like highschool. You will need all the strength you can get.
I really wish you the best and I really was were you are.

Answer 4

wow.. man, you do have a lot on your plate... I'm not an expert but I feel your frustration-- Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is some meditaion.. and somehow you have to forgive your mother and your father for this deception--You see, we are all children here- even your mom still is deep down and even though she should've been honest with you, she probably had good intentions.. The best thing that you could do is learn from this experience- and there are many lessons here. The main one here is for you to be honest with the people in your life. My mom is a drunk and is wasting away- but her life has taught me to be healthy and to grab life and to live a great one.. you see what I mean? Everyone, and every experience is here to help you to grow into the person you are meant to be. Even the most horrible experiences in our lives can help us to be better, stonger people. As for the hate you're feeling- that is normal- The most important thing to do is to channel it in a POSITIVE way- how about Ti-chi, yoga or Kung-Fu? or you could try Art, playing an instrument, or writing poetry-- Betrayal is felt by all people, so just remember you are not alone.. Good luck and stay positive-- your life has just begun and there is SO MUCH to live for! :) Here's a great poem for you to meditate on: (grab a dictionary if you don't know what all the words mean)

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Answer 5

Talk to your Mom and tell her how you feel. You should communicate that to her. Find out why she was dishonest with you.

Then try to think of the good things about this man. I am sure he had some good qualities too. And also remember that everybody is an individual and you are too. And put your focus on being an individual.

It is going to take a little time to overcome this, but you will hon. With the help of the counselor, and hopefully your mother you will see that time heals all wounds. If you have another family member you can go to, please talk to him/her too.

Answer 6

Have you tried talking to your Mom to get the truth of the matter.
You mentioned that it is stress building, you need to redirect some energy and focus on other things at the time. Sitting in your room will not help. Try doing some exercises or body building you need to find an outlet.

Answer 7

Take a deep breath and hold it as long as you can - then let it out slowly and take another deep breath. Continue with this routine until the hiccups stop. Carbon dioxide builds up and that is what stops the hiccups. It may take some minutes for this to work so stick with it.

Answer 8

walking is a very good stress reliever, your counselor visits may be upsetting because your getting to the heart of the matter, somethings


have to be worked through and take time. It may also be good to talk to your mom and see if she will go to a counselling session with you. HANG IN THERE You will understand more as time passess!

Answer 9

you need to talk to someone
someone you trust and who will be there
im sure everything will blow over
your only 13 and people at school this young are immature and dont know any better
trust me this isnt going to ruin ur life

Answer 10

talk to a counclor at school... theyre their to listen and help out with stuf like that... or you can see a psyciatris