Tonight my family came over for supper..well my sister spent the entire time crying and whining about her life (which mind u is just fine) later on she wanted to take my daughter and I out for lunch but i just don't want to go because i can't be around my sister when she is like that ...she drains me (if you read one of my first questions u will see the problem i have with her) but i feel guilty like i need to go out and chill with her to make her happy...she is looking for something to do and i am not..i am toilet training a 3 year old who does not behave well in restaurants...also at that time is when i talk to my hubby in Iraq on instant messenger....if i miss that then he is sleeping and i always feel like every moment with him is a blessing...but why do i feel guilty.....? i always feel like i need to make my sister happy...but i am so tired so overwhelmed...i just want to turn off the phone and hide under the covers???
2007-02-19 14:49:13 · 12 answers · asked by ♥queen b♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thank u edgar its nice to hear that..i do have enough of my own issues right now i have so much stress right now i can't handle it anymore
2007-02-19 14:54:28 · update #1
your not a jerk, you got a lot going on, and you can't always make everyone happy. Just try to set aside a time once in awhile (whenever you feel like it) to be with your sister. (get a sitter). Don't feel guilty tho.
2007-02-19 14:53:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have become the "go to" girl whenever your sister needs a shoulder to cry on. It's awfully funny, here you are acting as a single mother while your husband is off fighting in Iraq and as a bonus, you get a whining, sniffling, ungrateful, beast of a sister. And her life is rough? Geez...to walk a day in her shoes. And that is EXACTLY what you need to do. Take her up on her lunch offer, but have Grandma and Grandpa babysit...then dump on her. Get the load off your chest, have a cry, use her shoulder to lean on and then wipe the sniffles in her sleeve. I know you are the stronger of the two and you have held yourself together pretty well, but surely even you have your moments of weakness and that is when, as your sister, she needs to listen for a change.
And trust me on this one. I, too, have sisters. I am the middle of three and I get dumped on from both ends. Yet, when my husband was in the Marines and I was home alone with the boys, I felt the exact same way you did. There were many days I avoided people like the plague when I was at my worst just so nobody would know I was hurting. If you want to stop feeling guilty, then start getting real and honest. Tell her you'd love to do lunch, but it'll either be an early one or a late one so that you don't miss the hubby. Then, when you are out, without the little one, have a few cocktails, tell your sister you love her,but she's gotta stop the whining and complaining. You are a prime example of how much worse things could be for her. Tell her that her life isn't going to change until she changes her outlook on life and she needs to stop looking for others to make her happy and to find that happiness from within. I know you love your sister, I know it's a hard line to cross, but if you don't cross it, things are never going to change for you.
I took that step and I am sooooooo glad that I did. Not only are my sisters and I closer, but I actually enjoy spending time with them having fun, rather than counseling them.
I wish you well and the strength of God. I also wish for the safe return of the hubbby.
God Bless
2007-02-19 23:02:54 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your being a jerk, enough is enough of a whining *** sister. I have a friend just like that. No one has it as rough as she has it, no one understands how SHE feels, no one has EVER been in her shoes, no one this, and no one that. Its like that song of Toby Kieths, ever now and then you'd like things to be about you instead of her.
Not to count, you have a husband in Iraq, and a three year old your trying to potty train, you said it.."he doesn't behave well in restuarants." And I'm sure your sister isn't going to be any help with everything being about her anyways....
So...no, your not being a jerk. You just need some time that is all about you....and not everyone else...
2007-02-19 22:58:33 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell yourself that it is not your job to make your sister happy. It is nice if we are able to help our friends and relatives be happy, but it is not our job. She is absolutely draining you. You do not need to go out with her everytime she asks.
I am assuming she has always been this way. If so, it may be bothering you now because you may be a little depressed. You are under stress and missing your husband. Don't let her drag you down. You have a baby to take care of and a husband to cheer up.
Good luck and bless you.
2007-02-20 05:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your sister that you are busy being a WORRIED wife and mother right now... You need time for you and time to process the fact that your husband id in a war.. If you feel overwhelmed it's because you are You have to tell her to back off for a little bit..
2007-02-19 23:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by Not Me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not a jerk. You are carrying a huge load of your own, worrying about your husband's welfare and safety, plus carrying for a 3 year old without dad. It might not be easy, but you have to have a sit down with sis and tell her that you love her, but you just can't handle her emotional drama right now. Tell her you don't want to loose her, but she's just got to unload her troubles on someone else or just keep them to herself. You just can't handle any more worries right now. She's got a bad habit and you have to tell her that these emotional outbursts are taking a toll on your relationship. God bless. Say thanks to your husband.
2007-02-19 23:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by Darby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should spend some time with your sister, but make sure you are around the computer when your husband could possibly im you. All of your relationships are important and you should spend as much time with everyone because you never know when it could be the last time. Your sister might not have many people that she could lean on.
2007-02-19 22:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by Michy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're NOT a jerk! Hey it's supposed to be a 2 way street and if she thinks it's okay for you to miss your call from your DH she's not very understanding. Tell her you'd be happy to but it's not the best time. How about another time that won't conflict with YOUR life.
2007-02-19 22:56:24 · answer #8 · answered by MissWong 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope shes the jerk for bringing all this burden to you. shes a grown up and should deal with her own problems.
2007-02-19 22:53:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her to get so pill called no-vo-venlaxine she can get then at the doctors office,
2007-02-19 22:55:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋