I just found out that my mother is getting married 2morrow. Am her first born child and am tha one she comes running 2 when this man beats her and leave there home for weeks. It just upset me and breaks my heart because she didn't even try 2 tell me that she was getting married and we talk just about every other day. I know I can't run her life but am seriously scared 4 her. What would you guys do if you was living in my shoes????
2007-02-19 14:00:46 · 15 answers · asked by ice24queen2004 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry for your pain...and disappointment...I've struggled with wanting my mom to be different my whole life...I was just so angry inside towards her all the time...I just kept waiting for her to be this idea I had of what a mom should be...Well....my mom is 72 now...A little over a year ago...I decided I had to let those expectations go...that it is what it is...just to love her for the good things about her...and not fight against all the ways I felt she had always let me down...I know it hurts...but really...it is all we can do.
2007-02-19 14:05:27 · answer #1 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really difficult. You are right that you cannot run your mothers life and if she wants to marry this guy, then that's her decision. I'm going to assume that you have tried talking to her about this in the past. You need to tell her that marrying this guy is her decision, but that you are afraid for her and do not agree with her decision. You might have to instill some tough love and tell your mother that you will be there for her whenever she is ready to leave her abuser and get help, but that you will not picking her up off the floor anymore when he beats her. I know it seems harsh, but he is not going to stop and you would rather go down trying to save your mother than enabling her. As far as not telling you about the wedding: You know she didn't tell you because she knew what you'd say. I am so sorry and I hope that your mom gets away from this guy.
2007-02-19 22:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by cyntp1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can only talk to her and try to reason, but she is a grown woman, and I hope for yours and your mom's sake that it doesn't hurt your relationship..She'll probably need a shoulder sometime soon..Understand that people (your mother) are very lonely and they feel they can't go on anymore in life without someone..! It's a comfort to them that someone is with them. I hope for your mom's sake that this works out, and she finds the love that she has been praying for, in the mean time please be by her side and be strong for her when things start to fall apart (if they do) You sound like you've had a wonderful mother daughter relationship and you don't want to loose that..!! Good luck and let's pray that this man will give your mother the love and respect that she deserves..
2007-02-19 22:17:09 · answer #3 · answered by Diana J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her if the roles were reversed what she would do.
I would tell her you love her and you really do not want her to marry someone who beats her and who will think he has the right to do more once he is married. Love is not beating someone. Love is much more than hurting someone you love. You do not hurt someone you love.
She is so much stronger than that. Show her she is stronger by encouraging her to show up at a place to get help instead of getting married. Marriage will not change the man and she knows it. Make sure she knows you are with her no matter what, but you strongly encourage her not to proceed with something she knows is not right. It is never to late to back out of the marriage. There is someone out there who will actually love her and will love her with the tenderness and love she deserves. You do not want to go to her funeral, you want to celebrate the love she really has, not the love she really wants.
Best wishes to you. I will be praying for you and for her to change her mind in marrying someone who beats her. Hugs to you and to your mother.
2007-02-19 22:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her. Tell her you support her even if she makes choices you don't agree with. See if you can get her to talk about the times that her boyfriend beats her. If you critisize her boyfriend, she's likely to stop talking to you, but if you can get her to think it through on her own, she might rethink the relationship. But your mom needs you right now even if she isn't acting very mature. My mother married the wrong guy and even though we all told her not to marry him she did anyway. It was a difficult marriage, and she knows that everyone "told her so", but I don't think she would have made it through without our support.
2007-02-19 22:02:36 · answer #5 · answered by Liza 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to bring your feelings out before it's too late! Waiting because you don't want her to be unhappy is selfish within itself! I am a son of abuse and I have seen it! I am a str8 man but ,I know you would sleep quite well if you told her how you felt. Run it back to her the situations in full,alot of times they will listen better if there is just a simple conversation and not a "confront you" type situation.
2007-02-19 22:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by ucmy9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh as much as it hurts...step out of her life. Sometimes tough love is the only way to go. If she comes running to you just calmly give her the number to the police or to a woman's shelter. I will say a prayer for you and your mom.
2007-02-19 22:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by mysweetluvie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell my mother she knows my brothers and I do not like this guy and my brothers don't go for men hitting women and will kick any man's *** that hits her or I. I'm calling my brothers. Her man can run but he can't hide forever, she knows how my brothers are, they'll find him sooner or later.
2007-02-19 22:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her in "not-condemning way" but rather a friendly ear. tell her your feelings, how it upsets you. don't keep it inside you. if she really doesn't want to open up at least you did your best. and be patient. don't criticize her, she's still your mom but you definitely have a reason to be upset. be her friend that's all. maybe she needs more love so just love her that's all. she's a mom, she'll not ignore you.
2007-02-19 22:07:45 · answer #9 · answered by Mercy P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i was you i would probably tell more people and make them talk to your mom and tell her not to marry this guy....you should call the cops or somebody if she gets married it will only get worst, you dont have much time though so i would hurry.....! :(((
2007-02-19 22:09:09 · answer #10 · answered by Hannah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋