Help with coping?

Question

Some one I know did suicide. He was good guy and I didn't think much of it and didn't cry until now. I knew about it about a day ago. Now, I am have a whirl of feelings. Any ideas on how to cope? Oh, yeah by the way, he was only 13 and I need some coping methods for middle schoolers

Answer 1

You were in shock and had a slight delayed reaction, which is normal.

I suggest you get counseling from school, they have trained people to handle situations such as this and should offer counseling to all at school who knew him.

Understand that he made a very bad choice and that was his choice. Grieve your loss by crying when you feel like it and remembering the good things about him. It is a sad part of life these days, suicide is just another way some misguided people choose to deal with life.

Answer 2

Oh my dear.

A few years ago my fiance took his life and I do understand that horrific swirl of emotions you go through. Grief, sorrow, anger, loss, memories, then around it goes again until your head is spinning. Not to mention.. why? why? why? It makes you realize that, as young as you are, you are mortal. A shocker at your age.These emotions are completely normal when faced with such a situation.

You might find yourself looking for things you could have done to help him. That is the curse of suicide. Thing is,his time was up. No more, no less.

What can give you a small bit of peace was knowing he did not willingly choose to do this. You may never understand why. It is between him and his God. Please know that his soul must have been very tortured to be driven to self destruction but now he is in a place where he no longer feels the pain. He will rest and return to try again when it is time to do so. My belief in reincarnation has helped me greatly.

I would walk down to the ocean when the winds were high and scream my pain at the top of my voice into it. No one heard me, my throat hurt, but it was a good release. If you have a sport you do like cycling, or hiking, do it until you cannot do it any more. Physical activity is a great outlet. You might find yourself crying as you work, no biggie, that is a good release.

If you are spiritual, light candles for him in the church of your choice. Praying in a forest or a church can be healing. Just let your thoughts go and freeform your conversation with your God.

Is there a counselor you could speak to in your school?

13 is so tragically young! However, people die when their time is up, no matter what the means. Your friend learned all he could and left. Now it is up to you to learn from his passing. Learn all you can so that this can be as positive as you can make it.

If he has not been buried, go to the funeral. It truly is a wonderful form of closure. Do not be afraid to weep. Remember the good times you shared.

I hope this helps you sweetie. This response is rather random but I found these things helped me. I know I spoke of MY situation, I was just hoping you might find similar things in your life to help yourself.

Peace to you.

Answer 3

well, you took the first step and the next will come and you will walk through this and eventually be ok.....as far as the middle schoolers: you need to acknowledge their feelings; yes, it is very sad, it sucks, it's a shame, I wish I had been there for him....etc....then focus on the healing, the ways to remember him....are there any good memories? It's sad that he was so down, that he couldn't see his way out. You also want to use this as an opportunity to tell each other...hey, it's normal to think of suicide but if you ever feel that bad to actually think of doing it, reach out to me or someone. You need to help them put their feelings into words....you need to remind them that things may look horrific but they do change...change is inevitable and what is bad today is gone tomorrow....it's sad that your friend didn't hang in just long enough to see it change.

Answer 4

It is awful when someone you know commits suicide and not unusual that it might take a few days for the reality of it to sink in.

If you're having trouble coping, and I understand why, you might want to reach out to some adults around you and talk to them. It is important to recognize the feelings that come from such a tragic and traumatic event.

Other places you can reach out, and I'm assuming you're in school, can include your school counsellors. If you go to church, you can speak with your pastor as well.

I cannot stress how important it is that you talk to someone - please do this as soon as you can.

I have included a link for survivors of suicide. If you go to it, check out the Site Directory (about half way down the page.) It has some good stuff there.

If you're still stumped, try phoning your local crisis and information line. They may have a listing for a support group for people who have lost someone to suicide.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I am sorry you have to go through this. Someone I know did this too, he was also 13 and the best way to cope for me was to talk about it alot with different people because everyone remembers something different about the person. Although you will never know 100% why you guys can talk about that too with each other. Good Luck>

Answer 6

first there are many crisis hotlines that will help you through a tough time.

You need to understand that it is titally normal to feel this way now after this event has occured, and your progression of feelings is totally normal.

associate your friend with positive memories. Keep a journal of your feelings and track your progression through this tough time.