My fiance just got a new job and he is super stressed. When he is stressed he is very hard to deal with. He makes my life completely miserable. How do I get through these hard times with him? He was great before he started this job....I just hate feeling this way, especially 2 months before our wedding.
2007-02-19 13:29:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I've been married for 15 years - although I'm only in my mid-30s.
First: Don't tell him how you feel, at least not yet.
A relationship takes 200%, but it doesn't always come from each person equally. Right now you need be calm, loving, and supportive. Be a sanctuary that is stress-free for him - his soft place to land.
Then, when things calm down for him, tell him how miserable you were when he was stressed and that although you understand why, you don't want to have to go through that again.
NOW - if this continues too long - then you will need to start to gently requiring him to leave work at work. Sometimes in a moment when he is happy for the moment a "I've missed this side of your personality" type comment gets the point across without pushing his buttons. You don't have to put up with this forever!
And last - you just may end up having to fight it out with him. But the make-up can be great!
Be warned. Men hate to talk and sitting them down to tell him how you feel will only tick him off further. And if you do - keep it simple "It ticks me off when you are a jerk, and right now you are being a jerk. Stop." can be far more effective with a guy that words words words about feelings. I save that for just the right time and place - and there is a time an place for words words words, but it has to be when he is open to it.
I have a GREAT guy - but space is the best things sometimes and it took me way too long to learn that.
And get "The Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura.
2007-02-19 15:53:21 · answer #1 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a cross between complete honesty and tact. Like an earlier poster said, sit him down and talk to him.
Let him know that you genuinely still love him, but that the new him is someone you need his help to deal with.
The irony is you have to let him understand that the stress is doing bad things to his personality without putting even more stress on him
If it becomes bad enough, you may have to put it on the line and let him know that you can't be with him until his personality stabilizes again. My late father received this ultimatum from his fiancee when his medication started affecting him negatively. He changed his meds, and they were in the process of rebuilding and likely would have married had he not suddenly died.
2007-02-19 13:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess if he's super stressed, his life is pretty miserable, too. Put your feelings aside and focus on being loving towards him. Get through it by being extra nice to him. Treat him with love, respect, admiration and affection. Tell him how proud you are of him, cook him nice meals, give him a backrub, and be as understanding and supportive as you can be. This is just one of many stressful situations that marriages face. If the pressure your spouse is under upsets you, imagine how your spouse must feel, and try to relieve some of the pressure, rather than adding to it.
2007-02-19 13:40:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be supportive, no matter what... Do not stress him even more with things that you can handle. You will go through hard times too remember, and treat him like you would want to be treated.
2007-02-19 14:30:12 · answer #4 · answered by ACTS 4:12 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My fiance was like that in his past job. be there for him, if he wants to talk about it listen, maybe there is something or someone there that is getting under his skin, does he like the job or does he hate everything about it, is it the company enviroment or the drive to there and back, try to see things from his point. be his shoulder to cry/verbalize on
the best thing in the would is be there for him, and don't give up things will work out, be strong and it will make your relationship stronger
2007-02-20 03:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by scarlett13854 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit hubby down, explain to him the way you feel. He might not know. New jobs are very stressfull especially when you are planning a wedding on top of it. You have a good hard-working man, It will work out.
2007-02-19 13:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You make him a wonderful dinner and then soak his feet in a tub of hot water with epsom salts. After that massage his feet and rub some nice lotion on them. This should soothe him after a hard day and then he will also sleep like a baby.
2007-02-19 13:43:49 · answer #7 · answered by elanabutcher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a weekend and go do something relaxing. It's almost spring, take advantage of the beautiful weather :)
2007-02-19 14:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by Gynipher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him exactally how u r feeling. me and my fiance are going through the same thing
2007-02-19 15:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by meow8384 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you dont think you like the idea then tell him. He sounds like a lunatic I dont see how a guy could enjoy watchin another guy screw the girl he loved. Also if the guy is testing you then he has problems, Love is trusting not testing
2016-05-24 18:27:16 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋