i have a 12yo daughter who is really going out of control, she is picking fights, lying and her grades are awf

Question

I am a stay at home mom who is very active in my daughters life, I also have a rewards and punishment policy. I do not allow her any extra prividges when she is making poor choices

Answer 1

Have you had her speak with a counselor? It seems there may be underlying issues if this is behavior she has not exhibited before. Good luck.

Answer 2

You say you don't allow extra privileges. But what about taking away privileges. Like TV, stereo, phone, favorite thing like toy. I even cleaned my son's room out once. Just left the bed and the dresser. He had to earn all of his stuff back with good behavior. I haven't had to do it since, but, have threatened to and that usually straightens him up right away. Tough love. Sometimes you got to do it. She's at that age where if you lose control over her now, you will never get it back. So pull those reins in and let her know who's the boss.

Answer 3

You must establish authority. Kids needs guidance and boundaries. If you are making empty threats about discipline, she'll continue to discount you as an effective parent. Part two of this equation is why is she acting out? She's exhibiting this behavior for some reason. Where's Dad? Where are you? Are you setting a good example? Are you being a pushover? Who is she hanging out with? Look for an influence. Sounds like you need help - both of you.

Answer 4

I think that punishing her is a good idea. Maybe stricter punishments are necessary. A counselor may be a good idea. Talk to her teachers and find out what subjects she's struggling in and what you can do to help her improve. Good luck!

Answer 5

she might want some attention. try and do some stuff with her on the weekends and what not. i know when i was around that age i was awful. fighting at school, failing, talking back to teachers, u name it. my mom had just gotten remarried and i felt like she showed my stepdad more attention than she did me. so i did stuff to try and get her attention. so maybe if u take her out on the weekends or after school for some speacial every now and then it might change her.

Answer 6

Be real, but don't be pushy. Don't be mean about it, just kind of e her friend. If you act like you aren't gonna be so upset about it, she might open up to you a little more. Give her warning, and make sure it's clear, punishment will have to be put into action soon if she doesn't straighten up.

Answer 7

here's a good one. i used it.
tell her the next time she gets into a fight at school you will go with her to school. then do it. more than likely you wont have to the thought of being embarrassed in front of her friends will stop the fights dead in their tracks.
not doing home work. same thing. she will start doing it to keep you away from the school.
when grounding and taking away privileges doesn't work, embarrassment is like a wonder drug!!!

Answer 8

pay her to improve her grades. that should work.
the going out of control. You should have put a stop to her answering back when she was little. Its not too late now. just dont scream at her when u talk to her, and give her consequences to her rude behavior, like going to her room for couples of hours that u deem fit.
U have to be consistent with rewards and punishments, and dont change your mind..
Stay encouraged.

Answer 9

I would take her to a child psychiatrist - sounds like a possible behavior or mental disorder.

Answer 10

I HAVE A PRETEEN & A TEENAGER.
NOTHING WORKS LIKE RESTRICTION
AND TAKING THIER MOST PRIZED POSSETIONS AWAY.BUT IT'S GIVE AND TAKE FOR EVERY GOOD THING GIVE SOMETHING BACK,FOR EVERY BAD
THING TAKE TWO THINGS AWAY...
SOONER OR LATER THEY GET THE HINT..