I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2+ years. Before we met, she had been engaged, but the guy dumped her. A year later, she and I began dating and then lived together for about a year. Things were wonderful and we were planning the future, etc. All of a sudden, she said that she wanted to stop living together. She said that she was afraid of commitment -- she feared things ending the way they did with her ex. She told me that she wanted to think things over but still see me. I wanted to show her that I was there for her, so we continued to see each other for almost a year. We remained close and exclusive, and I believe she still loved me. I recently moved away for job reasons. She made it clear that she wasn't ready to move with me, so I broke it off, saying that I didn't want to hear from her unless she was ready to discuss a commitment.
We haven't spoken in a month. I feel empty - like I've lost my best friend. I want to call her. Should I? How do I deal with this pain?
2007-02-19 11:15:51 · 12 answers · asked by Doc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Some people are telling me that I made a mistake. Please understand that I stayed with her for 9 months after she said that she wanted to move out of the apartment. I gave her a lot of time to think. During out last conversation, I told her that I loved her and that I wanted her to call me if she wanted to talk about us. We live in different cities -- how long was I supposed to continually talk to her and be reminded all the time that we couldn't be together? That was torture for me! I figured that breaking off all contact would be the only way for me to begin to heal. I had to take care of myself. I feel like I did everything I could. Please understand that!
2007-02-19 11:38:04 · update #1
She should no by now that u wouldnt hurt her like her ex..talk to her and if she needs more time tell her its not fair..she is keeping you hanging on...this guy messed her about and it seems that she thinks this is how to treat men..tell her not to let the stinky scumbag ratbag ex win and marry you and be happy.
2007-02-26 22:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by fajita 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry that you are going through this. I've been there myself. Unfortunately there is no solution and nothing anyone can say is really going to make you feel better. All I can tell you is that if you hang in there, time really does heal those wounds. I know that it hurts, but you just can't make someone ready if they are not. You have to give her space and trying to stay in contact with her will only perpetuate your own pain. You need some distance from her. You need to try to move on. It will get easier. While you love her and wanted a future with her, she has been pretty clear that she can't give you that right now. You deserve to be with someone who wants everything that you want. Don't forget that. You will find the right person.
2007-02-19 19:24:07 · answer #2 · answered by tagosb 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is where you have to stand up and face the facts that just because she dont want to have a commitment that dont mean that u still cant talk her and just bullshit talk with each other cause nobody knows the future and let her come around and if she really loves you she will call you but dont call her because you dont want to push her away just let her know that you are there for her. and honestly that is more than she could probably ever ask from you.
2007-02-19 19:27:37 · answer #3 · answered by muscle69 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Aaww that so sad.
She is filled with anxiety. That happens a lot. I am afraid of commitment myself too because of what other guys have done to me. She probably really does love you, it's just something she has to work out within herself. Call her and check on her. Just because you guys are having some difficulty doesnt mean that she doesnt love you any more. I know how you feel.
2007-02-19 19:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Out of sight, out of mind my friend. It will be hard for the first couple of months. Then things will start lookin better for you.
I personally don't believe in "breaks" when you're in a serious relationship. It just ends up being a game.
2007-02-19 19:22:29 · answer #5 · answered by candy- capped 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
call her up and talk it over. did u ever hear of a long distance relationship? ask her how she feels about you and if she wants to, you want to get back with her together again. apologize for being an *** and being selfish (she might have seen your actions as being this way). if she says shes willing to try again, take her out to dinner and things like that.
2007-02-19 19:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by cellie_mania 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
call her, tell her your sorry that you broke it off. call her before it's to late, before she doesn't believe in love anymore. if she forgives you, then go back to her. if you loved her you would give up EVERYTHING just for her. make her feel loved and cared for, and make her feel special you know. if she doesn't accept your apology then don't feel so lost..just remmeber there's other fish in the sea..and the only reason she probably rejected is because she's still scared..scared of being rejected..so don't try to force her to be with you..all she might need is time..
good luck :]
2007-02-19 19:22:36 · answer #7 · answered by x3_myz_k 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it takes half a much time as you were in a relationship with a peron to get over them. In your cae about a year. Only time will heal. Try dateing other people
2007-02-19 19:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
well first of all you should call her. have a heart to heart conversation and tell her that you still have feelings for her you will feel better about getting that out and maybe she just needed to here that you really wanted to be with her unlike her ex.
2007-02-19 19:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by Shenic 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
a guys point of view.....................broken h............first of all,she is doing what you wanted her to do...not speak to you unless she commits...good ultamadeum...u might as well go look for yourself another g/f...you screwed up dude...never tell a woman you love , not talk to you ...are you crazy?do you love her...answer that question right now...DO YOU LOVE HER? if the answer is yes,climb your dumb azz in your car and go to her and appologize to her face to face...not on the phone...or in a text,or on a puter...man go to her,NOW...beg her to forgive your stupidity...dont ever tell a woman that...you will find yourself alone the rest of your life...talk to her find out what she wants...dont put pressure on her,or you'll loose her...give her your support...not your critizism...give her your ;ove,not your misunderstanding...tell her you love her and give her all the time she needs...if it dont work out then move on...but dude dont ever tell that to a woman again...be safe...be kind...and i wish you love...
2007-02-19 19:29:36 · answer #10 · answered by hystericaly_kinky 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋