My step daughter who is only 14 and lives with her mother keeps turning up at the weekends at 11pm drunk and usually noisy, crying or in some kind of drama. Her father, my husband, doesn't want any more to do with her and just ignores her when she arrives. I usually deal with her but on Saturday, I told her off yet again for her drinking and I wouldn't give her a ciggie so she stormed out of the house and kicked my car a couple of times causing some scrapes and cracks.. Her dad hasn't made any particular comment about it but I am very upset. There is a history of tantrums from her and as its me that deals with her when she is in a state, then its also me who gets the nonsense when she is angry. I love her to bits but I feel she is out of control. Her mother is clearly not interested as she just lets her out every weekend with lots of money and we get met with abuse if we try and speak to the woman. I am at a loss - how do I help my stepdaughter to see whats she is doing is wrong
2007-02-19 10:43:02 · 20 answers · asked by AUNTY EM 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all, you need to set your husband down and lay down the law. This is really his responsibility, and you two have to put up a united front. She needs to know that this is not acceptable in your house and that there will be certain consequences to pay if she continues this behavior. You need to get a handle on this now, or there will be heck to pay the older she gets. Her father needs to put the fear of God in her.
2007-02-19 10:47:06 · answer #1 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you first need to speak to your husband who has buried his head in the sand for too long and needs to take some responsibility. Then you need to have a talk with the young lady when she is sober and tell her that her bad behaviour will not be tolerated and possibly try to get her to get counselling of some sort as she is crying out for help. Last be not least, get the authorities onto the girls mother coz she is grossly irresponsible and selfish as she does not seem to notice her daughter's bad behaviour. Do not give up
2007-02-20 04:21:46 · answer #2 · answered by Sbunch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to call social services to have them step in and deal with her mother. What you did was not wrong and remember you are just trying to elp her. If her mother cant help her then maybe she needs to come and live with you and her father so that you can keep her from getting drunck and ruining her life. Also try talking to your local AA they might let you bring her to a meeting so she can see where this bad behavior will take her. Good Luck and dont give up hope!!
2007-02-19 18:48:13 · answer #3 · answered by Misty M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey there Aunty Em. Well I'm sorry about your step-daughter and being so "out of control" so you saw that she is 14? Well I am around that age and I can say that we want attention, FROM EVERYONE. I know that she has your attention but she just wants more! A 14 year shouldn't be drinking at all and you shouldn't let her out of the house for a few more weekends, believe me don't blame your huseband becasue he is just as fed up with it as you are so Just talk with your hsband and lay down the law with her and just be calm. We hate it when adults get angry and yell at us for something we have done wrong! Believe me if you don't stop the bad habits now they will NEVER STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll pray for you too! GOD BLESS YOU!
2007-02-19 19:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one to answer. You need professional help. I just wanted to say that husband of yours seems like a bit of a waste of space! In this situation, anyway. I know what I would do in your situation. I would tell the girl to get lost and don't bother to come around any more. That will get her father off his butt, or you will be rid of the troublesome girl. But if you are determined to help her, then I admire you, and feel sorry for you at the same time. Good luck.
2007-02-19 18:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make a date to talk to her when she's sober. Seems like you are the only parent interested in taking the time to save this lost soul. 14 is too young to be getting drunk regularly. Shame on both of her natural parents. Do what you have to do to get this kid some help - even if it involves calling social services. Right now she' s showing up drunk, it could progress to much more dangerous behaviour.
2007-02-19 18:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by workingclasshero 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should have her move in w/ you obviously mom doesn't care you say you love her well honey step up be the mother figure she is looking for the girl needs guidance yeah there will most likely be tears and drama but she is heading for trouble and if she doesn't get some structure soon you will lose her to more than just drinking.be a family show her the way set rules and enforce them she will thankyou for it .also encourage for your husband to go to family counseling w/ her and her mother if possible she is reaching out don't turn your back.
2007-02-19 18:54:01 · answer #7 · answered by marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's obviously acting out for some reason-that isn't normal behaviour even for a teen-She needs help but at the same time you can't let her upend your life on a regular basis.Make it clear that if she doesn't modify her behaviour you won't be there for her anymore-how about talking to her school and seeing if they can persuade her to speak to anyone,many schools have peer counselling now where a pupil can confide in an older,reliable teen?
2007-02-19 18:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by munki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To help her stop the drinking, I would invite her over on the weekends to hang out. Rent some movies, talk, make an awsome dinner, go shopping ect. She is craving attention. Just give her that w/ out the drinking. If it doesn't stop then you need to tell her she is no longer a loud over when she is drinking.She's underage anyways!! Good Luck!
2007-02-19 19:02:20 · answer #9 · answered by truebeing3030 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This situation is going to wreck your marriage before this wayward teen is grown.
She needs her own parents to deal with her and if they can't,then they need to look into alternatives.
It is not your job. You are only a step mother.
Your husband is the one that should be taking care of this child and her Mother. Get out of the middle is my best advice to you.
Your husband needs to get up and take care of her.
You stay in bed.
I have seen a lot of shoddy parents and it takes a super kid to survive that.
They cannot turn their back on what they created together.~Jill
2007-02-19 19:33:39 · answer #10 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋