i have been with jim for 5 yrs and he has been divorced for 6yrs.jim has joint custody with his ex of his 8 yr old "jen".jen loves me and i love her too.the problem is her mom hates me and treats me like a criminal/outsider.for example one time there was a issue at daycare and jim wanted to put his ex on speaker phone so i could hear and she was like NO WAY. i am not to have any contact with her school,doctor,freinds ect.not only does jim allow this to go on but his does not see this as a real problem even thru he knows this bothers me alot.his mom told me(and she agrees with me)he just does not like to fight thats why he will not say anything to her,but we fight over this all the time.he would rather fight with me than her?he told me the reason is his child,he does not want to make it difficult for her.
2007-02-19 10:20:47 · 5 answers · asked by marymackey678 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just to add he left her but i had nothing to do with it.how should i handle it as we are getting married next june
2007-02-19 10:21:40 · update #1
Well, since you're interested in preserving the relationship, I'd say the only thing you can do is try to not to let it get to you. I'm sure that's easier said than done from your point of view, but the ex isn't going to let up-maybe its her way of making sure you don't "take her place" with Jen. It may be so obvious to you that you're not interested in doing that, but try to imagine how she must feel. Her ex-husband chose you over her (I realize he left her before you were in the picture), and even if it's not in the front of her mind, she may fear that the child will choose you over her too.
If you can manage to step back and respect the barriers she's set, she may loosen up a bit after a while.
Besides, arguing with your fiance isn't going to get you anywhere except creating hard feelings between the two of you. Don't let her do that to your relationship.
2007-02-19 11:03:57 · answer #1 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to address this NOW if not it is not going to a. go away or b. get better. it s not about the wedding or jim its about u. do u really wanna go through ur married life fighting about this? if it aint good n ow when the ring is on it aint getting no better.
ur happiness is the premier thing and if he does not see it that way maybe this is not for u. a wedding can be called off. a marriange and eventually children is harder. speaking of children do u want ur kids growing up in this enviornment where there elder sister is the cause of grief for ther parents? sounds like therapy money to me. if u do choose to be miserable and have ur feelings ignored and continue to be mistreated by the ex, please do not being any innocents into this. even if u dont fight in front of them children sense tension and that is not healthy. so make ur choice for u not an innocent.
2007-02-19 11:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by ray g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh! I hate when I read these, "My boyfriend/fiance/husband's ex-wife yada-yada" Not to sound too blunt, but YOU'RE NEVER going to be first in his life. Get use to it girl. No matter how many kids you have with him, your children will ALWAYS take a backseat to his first kids and wife. You've got a HUGE wake-up call and window to say, "I'm better than this and I DESERVE BETTER." Don't you think you deserve better?? I mean yeah it'll hurt for a bit, but girl once you find the RIGHT guy, who's only thing to do ON THIS EARTH is love you and love your children.
If not, it's the put-up or shut-up deal. Honestly. This typical sad story gets old and never changes. He isn't going to change and the situation is NOT GOING TO CHANGE. Just think of how nice it'll be to cry in front of your little babies cause daddy is taking ex-mommy and kids to the movies.
I'm telling you, get out now.
2007-02-19 10:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a major issue that needs to be solved before you get married to him. If not, then it'll be a source of constant fighting. His ex is obviously jealous of you. So he needs to either take a stand, or have the possibility of losing a future spouse....in my opinion. It's that important. If he won't stand up for you against his ex now, then he'll never do it. It's time for you to take a stand now, even though you love him and "Jen". It is much better to be single and lonely, than to be married and miserable. Think about it.....I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-19 10:30:00 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, at least you know what you are getting into - with wide-opened eyes... Of course you have to realize his first obligation will always be with his first family - you can't expect him to put you over anything to do with his child. You shouldn't be having contact with the ex-wife unless your man is there - since there seems to be animosity on both sides. You just have to figure out if you can deal with all of this...
2007-02-19 14:48:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋