Stepparents, I need some advice?

Question

Well, I'm going head first into a relationship with my girlfriend. She is a single, divorced mother. I have come to love her and her five year old daughter very much. We go places together, we watch movies together, and if my gf and I have some kind of disagreement, we talk to one another respectfully. Sometimes, I don't know what to do when her daughter gets out of hand. My gf is SO patient and lets her daughter get away with everything (i.e. sticking her tongue out and being sassy even though it is cute sometimes). I also have the patience of Job, but I feel that I need to cut in and tell her daughter to stop SOMETIMES, but I don't want to overstep my bounds. I even sense my gf wanting me to step up sometime Her daughter is an angel in comparison to a lot of other kids. I grew up with a stepdad who treated me like dog crap, and I don't want to do that to the kid. I just don't want to be mean, yet I don't want to be a complete pushover either. Do any stepparents have advice

Answer 1

My step son is now 11.He does not live with us but comes to stay often.I love him as if he were my own so I treat him as if he were my own.That means praise and hugs when he good,happy or sad and just needs love.I tend to him if he is sick. And I discipline him if is is bad.If your G/F is asking you to take on that roll then do it. But be sure that you sit down first with her and have a long talk about your personal views about discipline. Come to an understanding about what is to be tolerated and what is not.And how things are to be handle if she needs to be disciplined. That way you know where you stand and your G/F knows what to expect from you should the occasion arise that you step in and handle things.And you are also in the know about what roll it is that you are to play. Also It helps the step child to see both her mother and you the step parent as a united front. It gives stability and that to a little girl means safety which = happiness. Good luck to you.Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Talk to your girlfriend and ask what would be unacceptable. You're right for not wanting to charge in and take over the parenting role uninvited. It really depends on how your girlfriend feels about you showing some authority. If she sees this going somewhere, then it shouldn't be much of a problem, and actually probably encouraged. I would make sure though, that you and your girlfriend are on the same page about parenting styles. She has to realize that you may have a different style than her and wouldn't allow some things to slide like she does.

How does her daughter feel about you? One or both of you should speak to her about where you stand in the family. If your girlfriend feels okay with you stepping in and showing some authority, her daughter needs to know that in order to take you seriously.

Good luck, I hope every thing works out!

Answer 3

Definantly have a discussion about boundaries of discipline that your gf has. It doesn't sound like the little girls that out of hand if all she is doing is being sassy but it will get worse if the small things aren't tamed so you both need to work out how you want it go and then your gf needs to back you up on doing what you both decided and showing her daughter that she stands by you in that 100%. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

First of all, you should talk to your gf and find out what her expectations are of you in regards to her daughter. Find out if you guys are on the same page when it comes to parenting. You have to be the adult but it doesn't mean that you are a "bad guy". Just as your step-daughter has to show respect and behave responsibly in school or at church she should practice these behaviors around you and your gf. Don't let your bad experience with your stepfather create a situation in which your stepdaughter walks all over you. She will love you and respect you more if you give her some reminders that you are the adult and she is the child. Every child needs boundaries to grow up happy and healthy in relationships.

Answer 5

You and your girlfriend need to agree on how much punishment she will allow you to give, and when its appropriate. I definitly would not step in when she is punishing her child though, unless she agress that its ok. Maybe you could agree on a certain hand movement, or look that indicates she would like your help.
I grew up with a stepdad, and he never disciplined my brother and I at all, even though my real father passed on, my stepdad did not want to fill his shoes and left the disciplining up to my mother. My mother raised two respectful children though, so there wasn't much discipline needed. But sometimes he wish he had of disciplined us earlier, as when we got into our teens my brother was a bit hard to handle, and he regreted not being the authority figure early, as he could of helped my mom when my brother did some stupid things, like taking her car for a joy ride.
So definitly step up soon, and help your girlfriend out, if this is going to be a long term relationship, then starting now is better then later.

Answer 6

Why don't you talk with your girlfriend? See what she has to say about you being the "dad", you know by disciplining her daughter. If she has no problems with it, then by all means do it. But at the same time you don't want to over-step your bounderies. If the daughter does something and you say something to her, but she goes and runs to her mom then the mom needs to back you up too. I think that would be the only way it would work. Good luck!

Answer 7

I'm not a stepparent but a parent who is divorced with 2
children and when my fiancee and I got together and
he felt he would like to reprimand my older child when
she got out of hand he asked if it was alright. I knew
that she needed it and I knew if my relationship with
my fiancee was going to move forward I was going
to have to allow it. It was a little hard for me at first but
we talked about it and worked through it. Good Luck!

Answer 8

The first and foremost disciplinarian in this little girl's life is her mother. If you are planning a permanent relationship with this woman then you and her need to sit down and discuss what role you will play in disciplining her daughter.

Answer 9

the major thing you must do is that you both must agree on punishment, how/when, etc. the next thing is that she needs to back you up when you are initiating the punishment.

this is something that you will have to sit down with her and talk about.

Answer 10

You might not have the right to spank her or anything like that but you do have the right to send her to her room or ground her

If she is disrespectful to you or her mom in your house you do have the right to punish her because she needs to know not to disrespect you in your house