Could my ex girlfriend be regretting breaking up with me?

Question

my ex girlfriend of 8 years who I loved more than anything broke up with me about 3 and a half weeks ago. It was the second time in 6 months as she broke up with me about 6 months ago for similar reasons but we got back together shortly after. She says she needs to be alone and do things for herself before she can settle down. Since the most recent breakup i have not made one bit of contact with her, she has sent me the odd text message and i reply but i never initiate contact. She has had a trip to aspen planned with her friends for a while now and they leave today for 3 weeks. Last night she rings me out of the blue sounding quite down without been to obvious about it and lacked the enthusiasm and excitement about her trip that she previously had. She was asking me what i have been doing and just wanted to talk to me before leaving. I have been with her 8 years and known her for a while before that and something gave me a feeling she was a little unsure of her decision to leave me. Could this be the case or is it more likely she was just been friendly with someone she has been close to for a long time?

Answer 1

She's confused, but what has really changed everytime you get back with her. She pulls the same stuff over and over again. You have done everything in your power to always let her know you are there. In the end you are going to do what you feel is right, but I feel she needs to think about it. She can't just call you out of the blue when she feels like it. That's not right. You would NEVER do that to her. She abandons you when she feels like it. I am sure she thinks of you, and its hard for the both of you. But you are committed, she isn't. She doesn't deserve the love you want to give right now. She only deserves it if she is in a relationship with you. You have done ENOUGH. She needs to experience some of the crap she put you through. DO NOT COMPROMISE. This cycle will only continue if you do. She needs to come to the realization, not you. Focus on yourself, and really ask yourself could you put yourself through a 3rd breakup??? You will learn to hate her. You don't want a relationship where in the back of your mind you will be walking on eggshells. You just want someone that KNOWS. If she knows then she would screw the trip and come back to you. You KNOW, but she doesn't and you don't want to admit it. Dont make any more excuses for her by being there for her. This will be good for her and you. You need someone that will fight for you as you would for her.

Answer 2

The first poster had a pretty good answer. She found she couldn't do better than you, after having tried. I think it could also be, that at the time she wanted something different. People change... constantly. By that I mean that we have whims. We may really want something new, so we'll give-up what we had and go after something new. When we get it, we may find that it wasn't what we thought it was. We may also find that it's not obtainable. She's 41 and at this point in someones life you begin to re-evaluate things. Actually, to be fair, we tend to do this at the beginning of pretty much every mile marker in our lives. "Alright, I'm 40, so now what? I'm with this guy who's nearly 50 and we've been together for awhile, but is he really the guy I want to be with the rest of my life? I'm also 40 and not married, can I see myself marrying him and does even even want that? Do I even want that? What do I want? Do I want want what I have? Oh look something shiney, lol." There will always be something shiney in life. I don't mean that as an insult, I mean that there will always be something that looks great. It's the age old argument of form over function. "Well this relationship is functioning pretty well, but how does it look?" If you're truely asking if ex-girlfriends regreat breaking up, well the answer is yeah, some may, while others wont. Women aren't that much different then men in this respect. There are certain people who just really caught your attention and even years later you still kinda wonder what-if. Some people do get back together after a lengthy break-up. I've met a few. I've even met couples who got re-married to one another. Is it common? No. Does it happen? Yes. It just happens, because those two people want it to happen and are willing to make it work. Just remember you aren't picking-up where you left off and you need to treat this like a new friendship and a new relationship. You need to rebuild the friendship, trust and respect. You also have to be aware there will be a honeymoon period where both of you are blinded to any flaws and things just seem way to easy. Enjoy it, but in the back of your head, don't let it blind you completely, otherwise you'll be in for a huge shock when you realize this person is actually human and has human faults. So stay realistic to some degree. Also keep in mind that whether you are 47 or 17, emotions tend to kinda feel the same. It sucks to be dumped and you still feel all nurvous and silly in the beginning. The main things that change as you get older, are the expectations. Things move faster and more things are expected of you. Also the older you get, the more stuck-in-your-ways you are. She will be too. This is pretty normal. You just can't expect to be that flexible. If you have a full-time established career, then you can't be expected to take-off and backpack through Europe like your 21 again. Likewise you can't be expected to pickup and move if you own a house and have connections to your current location. When you're 27, it's kinda like oh you like that and I like this and yeah we can meet somewhere in the middle. When you're 47, it tends to be more like, maybe we should just have seperate bathrooms, so we don't bother one another, lol. That's ok, just don't expect them to be anymore flexible than you are. That may have been why you two broke-up too, you both were too different. You may still be too different. It's possible to work-around that, but you have to be willing to try. Just do what you feel comfortable doing. If you feel comfortable giving it another try with her, then go for it, but if you don't, then just part ways. Best of luck in life and love. :-)

Answer 3

Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/yJuWL
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.

Answer 4

If this is the second break for the same reason she may have regrets and think maybe you 2 could work it out. You need to think if it is worth it as well. if you love her still and think you can fix the problem with counseling ask her if she is willing to try - if the answer is no then you know it is time to let go and move on. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Could my ex girlfriend be regretting breaking up with me?

Highly unlikely... Girls are different LOL.. they hate ya they hate ya forever.. Guys on the other hand can knock the crap outta each outher and buy each other a drink in 5 mins after the fight (I know it happened last night LOL .. and oddly it was the most fun I have had in years..)

Chicks dont work like that... And thats all I have to say about that...

Answer 6

Probably she misses you, I mean 8 years is a lot of time together. But if she broke up with you 2 times already, is because she is having doubts and maybe she loves you but she is not IN love with you and she feels that she needs to move on. its hard to leave a 8 year old relationship, you are always going to care about that person but I don't think it will be the same once you lost the love for that person.

Answer 7

Hard to tell, you're the one who knows her the best. She could very well be regretting it, but I believe that trip will help. See her when she comes back. If she's really happy to see you, then she still has feelings for you and it is worth to try and save your relationship. If not, then you'll know.

Answer 8

Time heals all wounds...separation makes the heart grow fonder...etc. etc. etc.

She may well be unsure if the breakup was a good thing, but she didn't ask you to go on the trip either.

I'd give it some more time....after she returns from the trip, wait a week, call her, go out for coffee, and discuss the whole deal.

Answer 9

she probably regrets her decision to break up with you, or she misses the contact and communication with you. maybe her trip to Aspen will help her clear her head and you guys can talk when she gets back.

Answer 10

of course she is still going to have feelings for you. you went out with her for a long time! and she probably will and dose regret braking up with you! if she called you out of the blue like that, just to see how you were then....yes she still loves you! and you should try and keep conntact with her so she will know that you really do still love her and care about her! if you truly love her don't just let her walk away like that! chase that girl!

Answer 11

8 years is a long time to date someone. Has it occured to you her problem may be she wants to get married and is tired of waiting for you? She most likely does love you but wants more than to just be your girlfriend.

Thats just a thought, I have no way of knowing for sure but you might consider it.

But she did sound like she missed you. Try proposing to her if you really love her, then marry her. Unless you dont mind losing her.