How Horrible would you say this is??? NO CHILDREN ALLOWED?

Question

Though this is no longer happening it plagues me.
Around age 5 my father dragged me through the house, after he made me clean, showing me what all I missed... I had sores the size of quarters on my knees
At age thirteen I moved in with him because my mother and her new husband use to call me names and I generally felt like crying all day. I just couldn't stand it any more.
After that the first two years went well, Then one day I said something to my father. He slapped me on the back so hard I fell to the ground. I couldn't breath. He kicked me in the stomach to get me up. I was down for more than a minute. He kept screaming at me when he finally figured it out, he had to tape ice packs over the inch high welts on my back.
After I turned 17 things got much worse. It was everyday. He would drag me from top floor to bottom, suffocating me, punching, slamming my head against the wall and much worse
I still feel anger towards this, even hatred, I have talked to many people nowwhat

I SAID IT NO LONGER HAPPENS

I am married, now 20,
but I have nightmares

I just don't know how to make the nightmares go away

OH I FORGOT A DETAIL

I did have child services called!!! They didn't believe me!!! Even with the bruises.... HA! Isn't that ironic THE SYSTEM CAN FAIL!!!!

They told me that I would have to be moved out of state, that there aren't many families in my area with foster children, and I didn't know they are reimbursed for caring for foster children, & I couldn't imagine anyone wanting a teenager to take care of that wasn't theirs

THANK YOU EVERYONE I APPRECIATE THE HELP...

Yes I fear becoming like him.

Answer 1

it's perfectly normal to feel anger and hatred for an abusive parent. some say that confronting the abuser can bring closure. if the way you feel about your father is making your life unlivable, see a professional. if it's something that every once in a while, you get p.o.'d thinking about what he did, that's o.k., just let it pass. it sounds like you're really bothered by this, though, if you're willing to ask advice in this type of forum. my father was fairly abusive, physically and verbally, and i used it as an excuse for a lot of years for bad behavior of my own. i guess i finally realized that my life is mine to live, and i make the choices, noone else. i didn't get high cuz my dad beat me ten years ago, i did it to avoid trying to figure out why i'd made so many bad choices with my own life as an adult. i am happy to say that i have a healthy relationship with my dad, now, but it took the better part of 20 years to get there, and what i figured out was that i had to make the first step. all it took was one call, "hi,dad, how are you?". i guess i always knew, growing up, that my dad knew it was wrong to fly off the handle the way he did, i knew he felt guilty about it, and i fully admit that there were times he should've tanned my hide anyway. now, every once in a while, he'll preface a conversation with, "i know i wasn't a good father," at which point i tell him to shut up. i know he knows, and it is gratifying to have him admit to it, but i'm not gonna beat him over the head with it for the rest of his life, and it serves neither of us any purpose for him to beat himself up over it. you have to figure out how to let it go and move on, but the process is different for everybody. of course, i still get mad when i think of it, too, but i can't go back and change the past. i have to take that experience and apply it to my life now, and turn it to good use. i can tell you, i would never take after my daughter the way my dad did me. i gotta say, i'd like to get hold of your father and tear into him some, though. he sounds like he was considerably worse than mine. i don't know what good it would do to see about having him charged with the abuse, if you even still can, if you're motivation is revenge or pay-back or whatever you want to call it. don't let his behavior convince you that you're somehow unworthy of love or anything like that. there are no circumstances that i can think of where it's o.k. for any parent to treat their child like that. keep talking about it, too. don't be embarrassed by something he did. if you keep looking for help getting past it, you will find it. is it possible that, as you're now married, and perhaps looking at starting a family of your own, your nightmares stem from a fear of repeating his mistake? or even that you're afraid your husband will turn out to be like your father?

Answer 2

I am terribly sorry that this happened to you. I can not imagine the pain you feel everyday. The only advice is to find a support group for battered children or get medical advice from a doctor. You have been traumatized and this will not simply go away. I think I found a website that could help you some. I wish I could do more for you. I wish you peace and happiness from here on out!!

Answer 3

Counseling, counseling, counseling.. You need to work through all this stuff so you can move on emotionally whole. Having someone to lead you through that process will be critical. Choose someone who's fairly young, so in the future, when these memories come back up to bother you, you can call them, make an appointment, and you won't have to start at square one to figure out how to deal with the latest issues. It WILL come up throughout your life... when you have children, when you get frustrated at work, or when parents of your childrens' friends' create problems... things like that, which cause stress for everyone, will really be triggers for you. I recommend you find someone to help guide you through the process of healing, so you can move on...

And I'm sorry the system failed you. It happens, no matter how hard those of us who work in it try.

Answer 4

there's NOTHING you can do to change the situation... IT'S IN THE PAST. now you need to heal from the inside. i don't know how old you are but, ALL THINGS heal in time. if you can't "heal" yourself, find professional help! there's NO SHAME in reaching out for the help of a professional. and if you are feeling to ashamed... or you are worried that a therapist will judge YOU don't worry, THEY HAVE SEEN AND HEARD WORSE.

part of the healing process for me was that i had to STOP feeling sorry for myself. the experiences that i have been through have made me a better, stronger person. i had a horrible childhood too. my first marriage was a disaster. i've been raped by an ex-husband... i didn't report it out of shame so two weeks later he tried to kill me. although their were witnesses to the gun being loaded and held to my head the gun was UNLOADED by the time they found him two days later. he walks the streets due to a plea bargin... assault with a deadly weapon "without the intent to kill" (gun not loaded when they found it.. no bullets, no "intent")... all of that was 14 years ago... but here's where the "time heals all" comes in. i've forgiven him on MY OWN TERMS... i am REALLY past all of the pain and the night-terrors. i've learned a LOT from the experiences... but the best thing i learned is that i had a pattern of choosing men that resembled (in personality) my own father... and his behaviors. now that i recognize the problem i can MOVE ON with my life. hate is powerful and it can distroy your life. find a way to LIVE in the here and now. please seek some help: the problems WON'T go away over night... it may take years... but THE DAY WILL COME when you are free from your own past.

Answer 5

I would suggest that you call social serve or child protection agency and tell them what is happening to you. If you still have fresh marks on your body take picture and report it to the police DON'T feel sorry for you father is a pig and need to be put in jail, so go now and get HELP and get out of there go to your mother , aunt, uncle, a friend some one hurry!!!

Answer 6

Wow.
What great role models you had for parents. I'm surpised you aren't beating people up right now.
Childhood experiences shape our adult perceptions and actions. This will take years but the only way you can ever deal with what happended in any rational capacity would be to "forgive" them.
You have to accept that they are who they are and nothing you do or feel will change that. It will surface from time to time but you'll be able to say "that's just how they are".

Answer 7

If he has other children living with him now, you need to report the behavior ASAP. There's no need for another child to go through that kind of abuse.

Next, you need counseling, honey. Not friends on the internet, but a real counselor who can help you walk through your past and learn to how to deal with it. You've already proven yourself to be a survivor; you just need a little help to put the past behind you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Now you never speak to him again. You are obviously a survivor, so now you go live your life to the fullest and NEVER let another man(or woman) EVER hit you again. I'm so sorry you had to endure such abuse. When you feel you are ready, I think you'd be a great counselor to those who have lived thru similar situations. Good luck to you, I hope the rest of your life is one that if filled with much love and much happiness!

Answer 9

Now it`s time to go on with your life.You have rights to feel anger towards him.He beat and belittled you.But for your own sake try to put the past in the past.Do not go around him no more now that you are of age.You might snap and hurt him or even worst and pay your freedom for it.If you cant go on then get professional help.

Answer 10

It sounds like just talking to people is not helping you much so maybe seeking professional help. It is normal for you to feel anger and hatred towards your father as what you have experienced at his hands is horrible. I definatley think you need to talk to someone who can help you out with this and someone(friends,boyfriend/husband)is not going to do the trick.