After 7 years of loneliness, how do you go about finding a new LOVE when your mind can't let go of your 1st?

Answer 1

We get back what we send out to the universe. If we send out positive, happy energies, then we get back positive, happy results. If we are negative, by the same token, then we may just get back negative, unhappy energies.

If you are ready for love to be in your life, you have to live like you are. You said in your question that you can't get the first one out of your mind. That tells me that you are still sending out energy that is clouded by conflicting emotions, and you yourself are preventing any other person from approaching you, or other relationships from blooming.

You have to take it step by step -- the first step being to find a way to rid your mind of the old relationship and that hurt. Only then will you allow something new and great into your life.

Answer 2

How are you going to focus on a new love if you havent got over the first? I have been there and done that and it dont work. Tried it you will only compare others to the one you were in love with. It takes time You have to grieve over that person and maybe go through some counseling. Try getting involved in a singles group and dont try to focus on a lady but friends. Take it one day at a time Read some books and start the process of letting go of that person which is also forgiving them as well. Be fair to the potential women and deal with the loss first then your heart will be open to a new person. Dont listen to sad love songs or watch romantic movies either. I did that and it only triggered more misery. Get involved with church. God will heal the pain like he did mine.

Answer 3

You say 7 years of loneliness so I assume you have been single that long and you still have trouble letting go it sound like you need to find something that gets your mind working. I would say the best way to find new LOVE in your circumstances would be change where you go out to have fun.

When friends say they are going out go with them even if you're not really up for it. Invite your friends out too, and think of places that you wouldn't normally think about going to. Get a load of mates to go on holiday. Maybe even think about changing your job but basically try to fill up your social diary as much as you can and BAM!! out of the blue it will hit you it always does when you have so much going on.

Never let go of the memories of the past loves in your life they define who you are but don't let them interfere with your current love or you will be doomed to failure.

Be well and good luck in your hunt for new love.

Answer 4

Join a sports club especially if there is a chance of meeting someone new there
or do volunteer work because that will make you feel better helping others.
7 years is far to long to grieve your loss
whether you were dumped or they died
you have to move on & have a life & have no guilt
when you meet the right one you wont compare I hope
just tell yourself its time to let go
its only you & your mind as you say that keeps the past memories alive
plain tell yourself when you think of her STOP Rob!!!
& then FORCE yourself to think of something very nice that you love whether its a bush track you like to walk or a beach or a sport etc
(You have to TRAIN yourself not to think of things that make you unhappy)

Answer 5

Yea, the first was always the best. You tend to compare the character of the first one with every other person you meet...''oh, she was not like htis, or she didnt look so good''...but moving forward is the only solution. You may not find it as good as your first love, but...you must accept reality, the present...If you really think every human has his/her own dimensions, you will find a unique identity in each and everyone you meet. But if you stick to the past, and keep comparing it with the first one, first experience, you cant move forward, you as a human will not develop or grow.

Let go. Accept changes. Accept every experience different from the other, see beauty in each and every experience, some bad, some good..its a mix and match....sugar and salt....you would not like monotony, would you ? You are bound to be attracted, at the end of it all, to someone, who you never imagined you would...experiment with relationships, experience new feelings, thats the only way to find out...but yes, one I agree with you, the first love will always be the best...

good luck

Answer 6

I wish i knew, I'm going through it too. Split up with my ex 3 years ago, he is now married to someone else but there is still so much hurt there that it has partly contributed to a break up (coming up 3 weeks ago) from the only other man that I thought could be the one for me. people say it gets easier with time, but i'm not sure i believe that. all i can say is that you have to try to find an inner strength to let you accept what has happened & allow you to find love in the future with someone new.

Answer 7

Not easily. You kind to leave the past in order to move forward.
I found my new love on cupid.com
I must admit that I haven't completely let go of the X, but we were married 24 years & have 2 kids & a grandson. I guess he'll always be a part of me.
It sure is nice though to love someone else.
Let go & love again. You deserve to be loved.

Answer 8

You can't find new love if you don't let go of your first! That's the irony. You need to figure out what you liked about that person and apply it in your search for the new love. Remember, the past is the past and leave it at that! You can never go back again (nor would you want to).

Answer 9

This is not unusual at all but please be patient with yourself as you enter a new relationship. Start off as friends and just allow things to progress at their own speed. Don't rush into anything! Always be totally open and honest with your new friend and you're going to be fine. I'm glad you've decided to get on with your life instead of remaining in such a sad and lonely place and I'm rooting for your happiness! Hold fast to the words "The best is yet to come!" and never, never give up on the pursuit of your own personal well-being.

Answer 10

You have to start putting yourself first and do what makes you happy. If you have been lonely for the past 7 years you cant stop thinking about your first love, let them know. My hs sweetheart contacted me after 17 years and we are married now. My life has never been better!