'Break' or Break-up?

Question

I've always laughed at people posting relationship issues on here. But, here I am. But, this won't end in anything resembling "but duz He lyke Me?!?!" promise.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. He's 25, I'm 20. This is the first serious relationship for both of us. He's not been financially stable, but I've been (emotionally) supporting him it's getting better. I've never been head over heels for him. Our feelings have grown over time and he's my best friend and someone I care for deeply.

Still, there's never been that 'spark' or 'click'. He's wonderful but I can't say for certain that I want to be with him over anyone else...there's no 'other man' but I can't say with certainty that he's the only one I want.

I'm moving across country for 1-2 years in September. Asking a grown man to go long distance with you implies something big (like a white dress). We're having fun now, but I don't know if this is what I want for the long term.

I suggested breaking up. He sees no point in breaking up now over doubts about 6 months from now.

I feel that if I'm having these doubts I shouldn't be wasting his time.

The reason I don't take a 'break' right now is that I'm in a small college and there's nothing 'to see' here. I'll be out of school and actually have something to compare my feelings to.

Should I:

a)Continue, since nothing is really 'wrong' and I do care for him...and see if my feelings change

b) Just stop this altogether and call it off now.

c) Stay in the relationship but make it very clear that I intend to take a break and see other people when I move.

Answer 1

Move across country and break it off with this guy. Find a man who IS financial stable, and who doesn't drain you with his constant emotional needs. You're not all that into him anyway, and it's only been 8 months.

Answer 2

Well the truth is you want to date other people, don't you? If that is the case then break up don't do him wrong. Now, you may end up regreting it. Why would you like to mess up something that is good? Well you don't love him enough obviously. Long distance relationships are not impossible. They take a lot of commitment and patience and love. Leave him, don't hurt him by cheating on him or keeping him around cuz you feel sorry for him. He can get something better and odds are he will and you will too.

Answer 3

In your case, unless you ask him to come with you, whats the difference between taking a break and breaking up? And, if you really dont feel like the romantic aspect of your relationship is going anywhere, and you could see yourself preferring someone else over him, it is probably time to call it quits. Moving might be a great way of breaking the news while trying to hold on to the good friendship you two do have. Be sure to make it clear, however, that friendship is all you are looking for. If he thinks you are leaving room for his discretions as far as coming with you or not, you may get an outcome (again involving that white dress) which you werent hoping, nor alluding to.

Answer 4

Tell him what you will be doing. Ask him for good luck. Maybe he'll volunteer something.

If no spark exists, maybe you have been trying out love instead of doing love. Being a best friend is love, and spark is overrated. What is important is integrity, commitment, truth, honesty, integrity, and a feeling of warmth. Sex is so overrated and is not love. IT cannot make a relationship work,

Do not hesitate to date others far away. You have no commitment, but understand that 1-2 years makes people wander.

Answer 5

so you questio is werther you shoudl break up now, before you move away so you can keep your options open when you get to your new local?
tough one. if this is your first relationship, you are probably wondering what you could be missing in a sense and want to shop around. nothing wrong there. I think that you should tell him that it might be easier for the both of you to keep to more of a friends relationship while you will be away, and that maybe you could get back togther in the future. This way, you are free to try new things and meet new people without feeling commited to anyone that might not work out in the long run. good luck.

Answer 6

I think you should break up with him when you move. If you don't feel that spark now when you're together, it will be hard to continue your relationship when you move cross country.
Maybe you can stay close friends when you move away, or maybe while you're away you'll decide that you can't live without him. If your heart isn't in it, it's unfair to both of you to continue to string him along.
good luck!

Answer 7

I am guessing it is time to get out of this relationship. "Taking a break" is never a really good sign. Also, don't you want to be with a man who has ambition and a stable financial future? Plus, don't you want to be 100% sure he is the one for you?

Answer 8

it sounds like your feelings are "mild" in this relationship and if thats the case i dont think it would be a good idea or fair to drag him cross country if youre not feeling him..he sounds like a good guy & you sound like a reasonable person but you cant make fire without any sparks..good luck on your trip..

Answer 9

you go first and see how it works for you. if you miss him alot ask him to visit and take it from there. I feel you should feel something more. Just don't settle becouse it is comfortable. This could be a great chance for you to decide what you want. Good Luck

Answer 10

but duz he lyke u? lol! I'm thinking break-up. You know it, it looks like you know, you just want some reasurrance that it's the right thing, but you don't need us. Listen to your heart!