Getting Engaged?

Question

My friend and her boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. She is 19 and he is 20. She has been really upset the past couple of weeks because she wants him to ask her to marry him. I try to tell her that maybe he is waiting until he is done with college, but she says she doesn't understand because being engaged doesn't mean you have to get married right away. He talks to her about wanting to start a family and get married to her, but he hasn't popped the question yet. She said everytime she brings it up, he says he's sick.

She's also been upset because for Valentines Day he didn't get her anything. She went over to his apartment the weekend prior to Valentines Day because his college is an hour and a half away. He knew they were celebrating Valentines Day then, but still didn't get her anything. She wanted to go out somewhere, but he didn't want to. He told her that he sent her a card in the mail, but he sent it to the wrong address. She has been very upset and depressed the past couple of weeks and it is hard seeing her like this.

What do you think he is waiting for? What is a good age to get engaged?

Answer 1

The right girl...........

Answer 2

I was engaged when I was 20 to a guy I had been dating since our senior year in high school. We were engaged all throughout college (six hours away from each other) and he stayed home. We completely grew apart because we did not have the same experiences and only saw each other once a month. I was not the same person when I left college that I was when I entered. Another thing that I'm not proud of is that we both cheated on each other because of this. Once I graduated college and came home for more than three months at a time, we both realized it was a big mistake and said our goodbye's. He ended up marrying the girl he cheated on me with. I just recently got married 11 years after this happened to a great guy and my ex is still married, so it was the best for both of us. I don't think there is a good age to get married, but I recommend waiting until you have been through college and your early 20's. Each person and relationship is different. You change too much when you are that young and marriage is forever!

Answer 3

Some guys just aren't ready to commit that heavily at that age. I am 21 and am engaged to someone who is 20. Some guys are ready for it, and other aren't. He might not be popping the question because he wants to make sure that he is ready for it. There is so much to worry about in college. He may be waiting until he is done with college so that he can focus on her and their relationship together. He may have ideas about a perfect ring for her and just can't afford it right now. Tell her that she can't pressure him into doing something that he isn't ready for. It's like pressuring someone into having sex when they aren't ready. If they do it too soon, and are not ready for that kind of committment, they may regret it and run the other direction. I know it's hard to wait for something like that, but she will have the rest of her life to be married! Relax and have some fun while they are young!

I know how she feels about the whole Valentine's thing. I didn't get anything either! I made a whole barbecue rib dinner. Guys just don't see the big deal about Valentine's day. Give him a break. He will redeem himself!

Answer 4

First of all I dont think that they are too young! I am only 24 and I have been with my partner since I was 18. If she is sure that she really does want to marry him, why not ask him herself? Thats is what I did!! He said yes and it turns out he was a little scared about 'popping the question'. He may have doubts but if he doesn't want to marry her then he will just say No. Either way she will know where she stands and whether to move on or not. Make sure she mentions that she is not trying to get married next week or anything, she would just like to be engaged. Hope this helped!

Answer 5

They started going together when she was 16 and he 17 - high school sweethearts. Now he is in college. He is growing. She is two. They are not the same people they were at 16 & 17.

Chances are he isn't going to ask her to marry him. He's going to have sex with her as often as he can (which at his age, if he had a free weekend, would be once every hour or two), but his long-term plans are unclear even to him. All he knows is that he doesnt want to marry her. He keeps dropping hints, and she keeps missing them. It must be like driving a dull nail through a thick plank, to him. Not planning ANYTHING for Valentine's day? I bought my wife a pound of See's candy and a $35 bottle of red wine for it, and we've been married 30 years. When I was 25 I was composing sonnets for the lady I was courting, and buying her flowers. He is either dumb as a doorknob or he is trying to tell her something.

A good age to get engaged is 24 or 25. Most people are finished with college or the military or trade school by then, living on their own and have their careers started. Men are as mature as they are ever going to be by then.

Answer 6

The era which you're making plans a marriage is engagement. So while you are going to get married, you have been engaged. whether, you do no longer could do the whole ring or occasion element. that's own selection. in basic terms tell your mothers and fathers around now which you're making plans on being married in a pair of years, yet do no longer desire an engagement ring or occasion. i'm confident they are going to comprehend. ~ A ~

Answer 7

Obviously the guy is telling the girl what she wants to hear. Maybe he thinks he wants to marry her, but when it comes right down to it, he is not sure.

Honestly, it's a little young, and your "friend" needs to relax. The pressure is going to scare him away.

And maybe your "friends" boyfriend thought that being together on V-day was enough. Girls expect way too much for V-day, and always end up getting hurt because it wasn't as romantic as it could have been.

Just relax...it's hard when you want to marry the guy, but you both have to be ready. If he is getting sick everytime it's mentioned, then he is not ready. Don't expect it anytime soon! It's time to have the talk-seriously. Both need to be completely honest!

Answer 8

Wow, 19 and 20... It's a bit young.

Your friend says that "getting engaged doesn't mean that you are getting married right away". That is true- mostly.
Getting engaged is alot of commitment too. He may not be ready for the stress of it. Also, you're right. He could be waiting until he finishes college. And like your friend said "getting engaged doesn't mean that you are getting married right away", but it is a bit ethical to wait after college to get married.

Also, another reason he may not have proposed yet; He might not be able to afford the engagement ring!

Oh, and another reason for not getting engaged; His parents may have some doing in this. After all, it is usually the parents who pays for the wedding. They may actually want him to wait after college too. (remember, it's more ethical.)

I'd say you should wait until they are out of college, whatever age that may be.

Good luck to your friend!

Answer 9

your friend is acting like a child...sulking about no valentine's gift? upset becasue he hasn't proposed? ...this just shows she is not yet ready to be engaged OR married...and he definitely isn't. you can't rush a guy on these things. i mean, for god sakes he's only 20...and she's still a teenager!

3 years is not that long when you are only 19 and 20.
she needs to be patient and do a little growing up first.

to me, being engaged means you are ready to marry the person...if she is confident that he is the right guy for her, then what's the rush?

Answer 10

maybe he's waiting for a good time to ask her parents about it. now i know not all guys do this (mine didn't) but it could be he's more traditional. or perhaps he's trying to find a good way that's super romantic to aks her. or like you said, he's waiting till after college. someone can talk about getting married and having children, but it doesn't mean they are emotionally ready to start taking the steps to get to that future. my best friend who's 20, as is her boyfriend, have been together for five years. they aren't engaged, but it'd general knowledge to all of us that they will someday get married. it's all a matter of patience. and valentine's day isn't all about gifts and candy and stuff. she should be happy that she got to see him, and enjoy his company. she has got to learn to be patient with him, guys are not as quick to jump on the engagemtn badnwagon as women are. also, maybe he's waiting till he can afford a ring...college is expensive and it's not gonna be easy to afford a ring....anyway, why doesn't she ask him? proposong can be done by either one of them!! and being 19/20 is a good age to be engaged in my opinion.....i am!

Answer 11

I really believe that her boy friend is not ready for that kind of commitment.He sent her card to the wrong address??? come on.He needs a chance to grow up and live a little before he will ever be ready to settle down with anyone.Tell your friend to just be patient and see what happens. Both of you need to get out in into the world and see it, explore it and expereince life before you even think about about spending your life with another person.

Good luck.