He has hurt many women in the past, broken many hearts ( we are talking about 1700 women ). The reason he is heartless is because he was sexually and physically abused badly when he was a child. But because of my situation he feels sorry for me and that is one of the reasons he is with me altho because I have so many probs he is weary of marrying me. My boyfriend is handsome, incredibly fun ALL THE TIME, nice, patient, giving, protective, etc, its just that he never cries, laughs at peoples' problems, used women fror sex ( altho he said he loved every single one of them ). I put alot into the relationship. He is very complex. How do I get him to the altar ? Any advice ?
2007-02-19 04:19:37 · 34 answers · asked by Kendra H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Please! Get some professional help!
2007-02-19 04:22:41 · answer #1 · answered by I See You 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to marry someone who has loved 1700 times. They were a phase and maybe you are too. You say you have a lot of problems, is the way you value yourself one of them? You admit that he is with you because he feels sorry for you. I've known a lot of people who were abused but none have ever been around town like he has. Complex is not a good adjective for this guy! Good luck and if you two get married, I hope I don't see you on the Jerry Springer or Maury Show!
2007-02-19 04:30:22 · answer #2 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very simple: Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free.
On the other hand, why do you want to ruin your life even more by marrying a heartless man? You, no matter how much love you give him, will not correct the problems from his past but you will get hurt. I would not want a man who had been abused as a child to be the father of my children because without trying he would be sub-conciously drawn to treat them as he was treated and could harm his own offspring.
2007-02-19 04:32:12 · answer #3 · answered by Aunt Carol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG - what's wrong with YOU? Why on earth would you be with this loser? Do you plan to marry him and then spawn some poor children who will be messed up too? Some people are better off alone and he appears to be one of them. I understand that you may feel that you can save him, but you can't. Personality traits like his are ingrained and will never be fixed. He has serious emotional issues and will hurt you greatly if given the time to do so. You had better pick yourself up and get out of his orbit before you get in serious trouble. Pull yourself together and find a man who can support you emotionally. You can't make a man marry you and why would you want to? People marry because they want to. If he wanted to marry you instead of use you he would do so of his own free will. You are being a fool and I hope that our warnings to you will be enough of a wake up call for you.
2007-02-19 04:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a whole lot of drama issues to me. He obviously isn't heartless if he is nice, patient, giving and protective. He just has alot of issues that causes him to restrain certain emotions. I think he is confused on what love is if he said he loved so many women.
I would get out of it really. Doesn't sound like he wants a commitment of any kind. Do you reall want a man that pitys you becuase of the problems you have. He may relate in ways but you said he is with you because he feels sorry for you....he pities you. I don't see how you could want to continue the relationship if that is what it is.
2007-02-19 04:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
someone with this many issues is not easily fixable - if at all. If he hasn't sought out counseling to deal with his past, he'll never be able to move on to his future. If you know that he has a habit of hurting women he's in relationships with, what makes you think you are any different than any of the 1700 others?
It doesn't sound like this is anyone you would ever want to make a life with. Unless you are after a life of unhappiness.
You need to let this 'fish' go.
2007-02-19 04:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to marry a heartless man? You should really want him to get help for his issues - that will help him find his heart again - THEN you should want to marry him and he will most likely feel more comfortable with the prospect of getting married.
2007-02-19 04:25:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jacki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kendra,
I don't want to "stomp" on your heart, but, I know what it is like to come from a family who endured both kinds of Abuse. You don't want to get this guy to the altar yet, take it from me! He needs alot of Counseling and healing first! He has to be able to talk about his past in order to heal those "wounds" first of all, YES, first!
The fact that you said your bf NEVER cries, laughs, and just used Women for Sex, the man is scarred inside and is keeping the past problems buried which is a bad, bad sign if he doesn't get help for this, believe me!
He won't be a WHOLE person until he deals with his past! See, if he would marry you, I guarantee you would not be happy with this man!! He's damaged inside and he needs to get his past dealt with before he can live a happy life and, ALSO, he needs to ask GOD into his Life, so with all of these to work toward, you should STAND BY him since you have put ALOT into this relationship with him, and your Love will see him through this!
Just don't rush marriage as he already has alot "on his plate" right now, ok?
I've been there and is why I'm telling you all this!
Be positive and you can have the life you want with him!
In time!
My Blessings.
2007-02-19 04:37:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really doesn't sound like either of you are stable enough for a marriage. Divorce would just add one more thing to both of your problems. I don't know what your issues are, if he (someone that has been abused and molested) feels sorry for you, and that's why he is staying. It sounds like maybe you both should seek counseling both individually, and together at a relationship counselor, and see what path works out for you. Right now, I don't think there is any reason why you should be rushing to the alter, especially in this situation.
2007-02-19 04:25:26 · answer #9 · answered by sjhockeyfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you two are not ready for a relationship. Y'all need help. There's no way you can expect something to work out with so much luggage on both sides.
So you want to marry him knowing well he's with you because he feels sorry for you???!! What in the world??!!!
Another question: How does he have "fun all the time" and not smile??!!
You just said he USED WOMEN FOR SEX!! Do you honestly believe he loved each one of them?!!...Goodness... You're just blinding yourself......and that really is sad. Even sadder.... You want to marry the guy!!
My advice would be leave him and solve your own problems before you try to solve others'.
He's obviously not over his trauma, so he needs to do what he needs to do to become a better person...... Sounds like he has nothing good to offer you or the people who surround him at this moment and he needs to work on it, just like you need to work on yourself.
2007-02-19 04:32:33 · answer #10 · answered by Java Chip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you nuts? the guy admits he has used thousands of women for sex-now really, how old is the guy? cause three a day is about a thousand a year...why would you want to marry a heartless man who feels sorry for you?
Run, Sally, Run!
2007-02-19 04:24:13 · answer #11 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋