Why am i ruining my own relationship?

Question

I get mad at my boyfriend for things that in that moment seem so important but when I think about them later I feel so stupid and they seem like the least important thing. He thinks i just look for things to get mad about so i can intentionally start a fight but i really dont think thats what im doing or at least i dont want to do that. I've been going through depression/anxiety/a lot of stress at this point in my life(I'm 20). I'm starting my career as a hairdresser which is really hard. i really think he just wants me to be happy with my life and especially with him. and i do to but he thinks i should just b able to snap out of this mood or go get some medicine. i dont want to be a zombie or feel fake happiness on a pill. i just know i love him more that i probably should and i am willing to do anything to be happy with him. i just dont know if where on the same level. any advice will help

Answer 1

"Seems so important" might be the clue. It sounds like you might be too judgmental. This can be a very hard habit to break, but at least you are young enough to attempt it. Better now than when you are 40 years old and married.

It is a good sign that you can understand that you are doing this to yourself. You might also find that you are too judgmental about yourself. This habit must be broken first. Learn to accept yourself as you are. Then you can make a choice to change.

Physical activity might help you control the stress better. This might give you the time necessary to catch yourself getting mad or anxious BEFORE you do anything you might think is stupid later.

Answer 2

Let it, let it , let it , let it go. And I am not saying this for your boyfriend or your relationship but the stuff which irritates you.
We all have one life which too is unpredictable so dont waste whatever special & precious time you have. One life is too less for fights, depressions, stress etc. It is not easy to work on ur weakness.........as it is not a nice thing to know about urself so try work on good things to make a better life. Spend more time with your bf doing activities which makes both of you happy & ignore annoying stuff.
Sweetie, you are just 20 but you wont be 20 again. You might think its not easy for you .See from others' eyes & you will know what you have. Make the most of your life. ANd for that you only have to work.........nobody else can do it for you, even if they want to.
Never say die & never give up. Come out as a winner & not just a survivor.

Answer 3

I think he cares about you. He wants you to snap out of it, he doesnt want to leave. I chose your question cuz I'm actually in a similar boat with my man. We have just been fighting almost every day, and you know when its frequent like that, it's over dumb things. What I found is that maybe you just need a break from each other. Not a break, like a break-up, but like take a solo vacation over the weekend, or he can and you stay home, but you need just a little time apart. It's a good thing you realize that what you argue over is dumb. That's a big step, realizing that. And there's even a good chance you'll catch yourself in the next squabble and stop arguing. Honestly. I hafta learn to shut my mouth when the time comes too. Hopefully by you asking this and me answering this we both can make everything okay. We know what we gotta do. It's true. Oh, and you go girl for jumpin into your career so early! Just be able to see him as your stress reliever from all that instead of adding to it. ;) Good luck.

Answer 4

You are depressed and things aren't easier said than done, you need to talk to a Dr and consider taking medication. I am on medication and I have been on it for 14 years and I am not a zombie I am a happy go lucky get along well with everyone type of person. Noone would ever know I was on medication if i didn't tell them, but I am a very honest person and have been through several depressing things in my life and i need the medication so I have accepted the fact that I need it and I take it as my Dr prescribes it. My Dr keeps a close eye on me and the meds that I take and I get counseling and therapy to make sure I am doing fine and it works for me it could work for you, it's not all bad being on medication for depression. Give happiness a try it could be worth it. It sounds like he really loves you and he deserves a fair chance to.

Answer 5

First at 20 years old your too young to be in a serious relationship, as is he.
Second, since you won't believe that, you getting angry is like a employee getting angry over not having a parking spot near the door to work. It's not the parking space that's the problem. Something else is driving your anger.
Third. It's ok to get angry, those are your feelings and your entitled to them. What's not ok, is to take it out on him. If you can't discuss your differences in a calm rational way, then again, you've got bigger problems than whatever it is that may have irritatied you.
So, step away from the unhealthy relationship, or get some professional help with your anger management, see a priest, minister, shrink, someone. Good luck.

Answer 6

I get mad at my boyfriend for the crappiest reason too! And uni's been pretty tough - it's a rough patch I'm going through in my life now. But I do know that effective communication always helps. Try to communicate the stress you have at your work to your boyfriend. And regarding the psychiatric help thing, I think he's just trying to solve the problem the way he sees it, but that doesn't mean you have to. Maybe your venting frustrations at him and being snappy is a subconscious way to getting out your feelings of stress and anxiety. Well, maybe you can try channeling these things through a sport or yoga, and the two of you can do it together, to increase romantic bonding at the same time. All the best, girl! (:

Answer 7

The answer is very much in your question read it again & again. Try not to be temperamental. Self talk can work wonders for you.
Dont react control your temper,the eaisest way to do this.Take long breaths. count from1 to 100. Just laugh it out.Ha ha ha ha.
Nothing is good or bad thinking makes it so.
It seems fear of the unknown has griped you.Its all in your imagination. Lot of things we worry about do not happen. See what can be done if they really happen.Best of luck

Answer 8

I would take a step back and look at your relationship, because you may not be trying to pick fights but you might be not on purpose. What I have seen with all my friends and my life this is a sign the relationship is not going that great even if you think it might be.

Answer 9

Always think before you speak. Imagine being him. Imagine having to deal with you. Not fair is it?
Put yourself in his shoes. Before you say anything, imagine him saying that exact same thing to you. How would you react?
Now, if it is something you must make clear to him then find the right words. Be kind. Use the right tone too! - THats very iimportant! Open your heart and just be hones, but in a nice way. Talk to him, the way you'd like him to talk to you if he ever has to tell you he doesnt like something - and im sure that day will come - no one is perfect.

Answer 10

it seems like one of those times where you just need to renew that spark that you once had with him.

The time you started dating must have been such a happy time, magical but maybe iti seems faded now.

try just spending some good quality time, like another "first date" go to the beach (if you live near one) walk around. have fun, try to create memories that will last, those memories will always replay in your head and should keep your relationship afloat.

good luck