Help with sister-n-law and neice.?

Question

A few years ago my sister-n-law, lost custody of her 6 children.
Yes, you could call her trailer trash, but still, she's family. As you may probably already know, most of these children have different fathers (or no fathers).
The two oldest were living with their father and his new wife, and were having a very difficult time. So much so, that he brought them to me to care for.
I treated them like my own children ( i have 4 of my own). They loved me just as my own do.
But there is no greater love than the love you have for your own mother. We felt sorry for her (my husbands sister). We knew that losing her kids was hard.
After some time (3yrs), and phone conversations, the father decided to let them visit their mother, then finally live with her again(against the court order).
11/2yrs later, the kids are put through the same thing again. But now that the oldest wants to come back, the mother is jealous and angry at me. What do I do?

There is sooo much more to this...
These kids have had a terrible life. There mother, as much as I love her, is unstable and sickly. It's because of this that the kids wanted to go home to her in the first place.
Yes, she took that gift for granted again.
Yes, my neice is selfish, and a brat.
But I have compassion for the both of them. I have sympathy for all of them. I understand why my neice is a brat. I understand why my nephew is a mamma's boy. I don't blame either of them for this. I am confused and worried about their mom.
I am also worried about another neice and her homelife. But the other three are in very good hands. They were adopted by a very loving family. We don't see them, but we know that they are happy.
The mother and my neice are fighting (fists, words, and the police have been called a couple of times).
This morning my sis-n-law called me yelling at me, "You want the @*_--, she's all yours @**#!!"
Please don't be cruel with your answers.

Answer 1

I'm sure you love your s-i-l, but her feelings & what she wants doesn't matter when it comes to the children. The state knows this, that's why she lost them to begin with. The difference is, you are family & you're involved personally in this.
Let the child live with you if that is what she wants. Her well being is what is most important. And if she's bratty, well look what she's been through.

Answer 2

It is hard not to be a little bit cruel when you see so much stupidity.
You can not live someones life for them, you can not, especially a so called adult.
your sister-in-law has made her bed, sounds like many times, now she needs to deal with it whether she wants to or not.
You need to stop bailing her out and making excuses for her.
excuses are like butt wholes everyone has one.
if you want to take the kid make sure it is done in court so she can not come back later and say whatever she might come up with.
Stop feeling sorry for her, why are you after such a long time? Please do not use the family excuse.
You all sound codependent and need to make the break for good.
Tell her to get help as you will not longer bail her out of what ever crap she has gotten herself into. Do not call her, go by, or anything else. she does not deserve people who are so nice to her for so bloody long.

Answer 3

Let her come to stay with you. It's not fair that she has to suffer because her mother is sick the girl isn't going to pitty her if she doesn't care proper for her. You can't pitty you're sis think of the child's well being. Her being sick doesn't give her the right to be hateful and a bad mother. Besides the courts took her kids and it's hard to prove a mother unfit. So she must of really messed up I think you should take them back. Good Luck I'll keep you and you're family in my prayers.

Answer 4

Remind her that children are not disposable. Remind her that SHE is supposed to be the responsible party and she is falling painfully behind. People that can have children and then abuse them, physically or emotionally turn my stomach. Who cares if she is mad at you...who cares what she thinks at all.

Think of the poor kids, be there for them, but I would cut the sister-in-law off completely. Hopefully your husband feels the same way. Don't enable her to continue to act badly.

Answer 5

cope together with her with comprehend such as you may the different individual, and attempt to get to comprehend her a sprint extra advantageous. i'm confident *she's* depressing and feels out of place besides. Write letters to her, enable her get to comprehend you. What does it harm to characteristic one extra niece to the equation? If everybody asks or cares, you could in basic terms say you do not have the possibility to work out her usually. How do you deal with your different nieces? How do you cope together with her in yet differently? i assume you may hug the 1st and in basic terms nonchalantly say hi to the 2nd? you do no longer *have* to handle her any specific way, whether it stands out as the type and compassionate element to do. Gosh, in case you think of it is undesirable sufficient having a sister-in-regulation with all those issues, think of if it is your mom?! I additionally think of that your SIL feels judged and out of place at family contributors gatherings (whether you at the instant are not meaning to, she in all threat feels accountable, and etc). So the slights to her daughter are incredibly painful, by using fact it is yet another guilt that she takes upon herself, on suitable of all the guilt for the concerns she's brought about and for dropping her daughter. it would be a kindness to make extra effective a loving hand on your SIL and according to threat take her out for lunch each and every now and lower back.

Answer 6

You have to work things out with her, and you have to talk it over and it's not going to get anywhere if you don't talk to her. You also have to talk to the kid that wants to come back to live with you.

But do your best to get them kids into a better living situation.

Answer 7

Tell her to bite you, if she were any kind of a decent mother she wouldn't be having these problems. She self-inflicted this on herself.

Answer 8

what is the question?