I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't ***** to my girlfriends about the size of my br$xsts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.
And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two bxlls and stand when I p$$.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
And now it's time for a rebuttal
I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my £r£ctions.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like sh a g carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two bxxbs and squat when I p££.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then scr£w you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old p£ n is envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my d £ ck.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
2007-02-19 03:52:42 · 25 answers · asked by Tink 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I think you are brilliant Tink. Two very funny yarns and of course ,very close to the truth (in both stories) I certainly like your style.10/10
2007-02-19 04:07:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant! I love 4, 14 and 20. My dad has an effective one - he asks them their name and the purpose of their call, then goes on to ask them how long they have known the person residing at this address, have they ever made contact with them before and would they be prepared to come into the the police station to give a statement? He then explains that he is Detective Chief Superintendent X and that a murder investigation is being carried out at that moment in the house. They never call back!
2016-03-29 02:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by Susan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bloody brilliant!!!! where on earth did you find that little gem? I am going to email it to everyone i know - fantasticly hilarious (and dont worry about the length - it was well worth every word!!!)
2007-02-19 04:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by littlekitty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
couldnt be better tink and all very true full marks 10/10
2007-02-19 05:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
balanced argument no bias here ...you would never get a job with the BBC lol
2007-02-24 23:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by The Fat Controller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good all true 10/10
2007-02-21 21:47:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long but, i read every word and i loved it.
2007-02-23 23:14:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emailed it to everyone I know! sheer brilliance
2007-02-22 09:39:54 · answer #8 · answered by JJ J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL
9/10
Keep smilin'.
2007-02-22 08:37:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha
2007-02-19 03:59:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋