Our parents are living longer. With proper medical care, it is not unusual for one or both to live well into their nineties. This can leave a surviving spouse living alone, faced with lower income, while still trying to maintain their home and way of life. Trips to church, grocery shopping and doctor appointments become difficult. House chores like cooking, paying bills, doing laundry and yard work become challenges. Even personal hygiene can pose risks of bathtub falls or scalding. There are many assisted living options out there but most of the elderly don't trust institutions after hearing horror stories of abuse from staff and abandonment by family.
How willing are you to see that your parent is protected, comfortable and supported in their declining years? Do you feel it is your responsibility or is it up to a relative or sibling? Should you contribute financially to them if they need it?
2007-02-19 03:45:15 · 9 answers · asked by Jack Tax 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am responsible not only for my 2 parents but also my husbands. I'm pretty sure his mother will eventually be living with us as will my parents. I will make whatever accomodations I can to ensure they never have to go into a nursing home. My mother and father took care of their parents and I cherish my memories of them living so closely to us (they live in a duplex my parents owned on the edge of our property). However, when one grandparent got to sick to take care of, we did have to put him in a full-time nursing place after his needs became more medical. In my family, if ever anyone has a problem, our parents are always there for us, financially or emotionally. I feel that it is my duty and privilage to take care of them. My sisters and brother will shoulder some responsibility - I watched my mom and dad do it by themselves and carry great resentment towards some members of the family that didn't feel they needed to help and I will not let that happen.
2007-02-19 04:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by mel m 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm already an orphan.
Taking care of my parents was one of the most challenging and rewarding things I've ever done.
In your story, you say, "Living Longer", but I ask, are they "Living Well"? In most of the geriatric cases, they have severe handy caps like Alzheimer's, or a Physical Handy-Cap like "Oxygen" or "Broken Hips".
When the parents get to ages like 94, their children (around 74) may not be capable of taking care of them let alone themselves. Those who live near the centary mark are genetically superior. Many of the centuriens are women who smoke; therefore I can only conclude that they're genetically superior. So, the grandchildreen at ages of 54 years of age) will be responsible if not the great-grandchildreen 34 (years of age).
How can society support these with a declining population? Since the advent of the birth control, the population looks like an inverted pyrimid; with the elders outnumbering the young. Each year, the gap widens. So, traditional methods of taxing the working won't work (pardon the pun) ... however, the only solution is to create a higher "Death Tax" so that when the elder with money pass away they can pay for the surviving elderly. I worked in a mutual fund back office, and you know where the money is? It's all in IRA's and a few "Trusts". So, wealth is there to share, but the trusts & IRA's are keeping wealth for the suavy elderly only.
However, I have a feeling that a pandemic like the bird flu will force us all to handle the large population at once.
2007-02-19 12:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My siblings and I did (until their deaths while we were very young adults, we were already on Active Military Duty) always rotate to come back on the weekends to do the chores that needed to be done around the home for our parents. We would send them things, we would fix what needed to be fixed, we did the lawn work, the bushes, just about everything and anything (and our father was a paraplegic WWII Veteran).
I'm now an Empty-Nesting Single Retiree, and have always been an independent person. I STILL do all my own chores, and I do mean it, and my income is my own ... I EARNED my pension through my hard work, and am glad I was able to keep it all even though I ended up divorced (from a short disaster of a marriage to a violent, abusive sociopathic ex-husband).
My children are young adults, and still in that 'selfish-me-first, nasty attitude problem' stage of life ... where the hormones are raging, and they are just focusing on themselves. This is a sad commentary on today's society -- because no matter how much you try and do provide a good example of caring for others to your children, your children, when they become adults, CHOOSE the actions that they want to take for themselves.
So ... This Empty-Nesting Single is going to age in place, and yes, I have siblings .. but being the eldest of the siblings, I am the first retired, and keeping VERY ACTIVE ... so that I can stay active well into my 60s 70s 80s, etc ... and this means doing my lawnwork (myself), doing my chores, paying all my bills (by living within my means -- and yes, the children demand $, but at this point, they need to take adult consequences for not budgeting themselves properly, and I need to allocate some money for renovations to age in place), and doing for myself .. which is a PLEASURE ... being the ONLY person in MY HOME is a joy .. even with the chores.
IF our parents (the parents of my siblings and I) still lived, they would be very comfortable ... in any one of our homes, and we would be very willing to fly them between our homes for visits. We would have had no problem providing them with food, or shelter or help ... that is what family does.
2007-02-19 12:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When my parents get to the age where they can't take care of themselves then I will step in and take over and give them all the help they need. I look at it this way. My parents supported me for 18 years, I can do the same back, it's just the right thing to do. I don't plan on putting them into a nursing home unless I have no other options, but if it comes to that, I will make sure they are in the best nursing home and make sure that they are happy with the nursing home choice that I would have to make.
2007-02-19 12:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal A 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally feel responsible for my 90 yr old parent, however she is not nearby and will not consider living with me or near me. One of my siblings feels no responsibility whatsoever and I am not sure of the other two who live quite near her. She is still doing OK alone in her house, but I can't figure out what to do because she is very self-willed and will not face the future. Now, her neighbors seem to be helping more than the family which makes me feel ashamed, but I am 4 hours away, whereas my siblings are 4 minutes away. I guess this isn't much help.
2007-02-19 12:22:34 · answer #5 · answered by Aunt Carol 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I honestly don't care what happens with my parents. They moved away years ago to be away from me and my sisters and now they will have to figure out what to do for themselves when they are incapacitated. They chose not to grow old around their family and meet their grandkids so as far as I am concerned they can buy their own Life Alerts necklaces...Since my sister kisses their behinds she can assume responsibility for them. They abused me and my sisters for years...they are on their own.
2007-02-19 12:08:51 · answer #6 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
even my father treat us so badly(some what he still) but i can't leave my parent away ,i will took care of them even they will reach 100
2007-02-19 12:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by hena 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll be there, but I'm not changnig an adult diaper. If I won't change a baby, what chance does an adult have with me?
2007-02-19 11:48:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Fu*k no
2007-02-19 11:48:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋