My friend (who's 6 years younger than me) has just broken up with ther other half and is totally heartbroken. How do I cheer her up/ make her feel better/ just lighten the mood? I feel really bad, cos she's really really upset over it but I think anything I might say will only make her worse!! Cant bring her for a drink cos she'd probably get worse with alcohol in her, and I'm really stuck!!
NO SMART **** ANSWERS PLEASE THIS IS A GENUINE QUESTION
2007-02-19 03:35:27 · 22 answers · asked by ruthieelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
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2007-02-19 03:39:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you're right. Saying anything to her will probably upset her more. When someone is first going through a break-up the LAST thing they probably want or need to hear, is how the other person wasn't meant for them, there are more fish in the sea, and he's just an idiot for giving her up.
The problem is, when the break-up is fresh, that's WHY we're upset - because we thought the world of this person, and now they're gone. It's like talking bad about someone that we loved, who has just died.
The best thing you can do, is just be her friend, listen to her when SHE wants to talk, and try to help her get out in the meantime. It's going to take time to get over it, so don't push too hard. If she wants to stay at home and cry, let her do so for a SHORT while. Anything more than a week, and it starts to become unhealthy. But give her that time to grieve, first.
Then slowly invite her out for little things. Work up to a good "girl's night out" so she can see that her friends are still there for her - but again, work up to that point slowly. Don't expect her to be ready for one within a few days. And if she is, great - jump on the opportunity!
2007-02-19 11:44:35 · answer #2 · answered by ltygress 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right to exclude alcohol. If she is a friend, you obviously have things in common. You must like to do things together. Do them. Go places, hang out, try and be non-judgemental. Take cues from her on what she wants to talk about but steer conversations away from hurtful or angry paths.
The best thing you can do is just be there for her. A loss of a significant other by break-up is similar to the loss one feels from a death of someone close. Friends oft times stay away because they don't know what to say or how to react. The person with the loss feels abandoned by the very same people she has come to trust. Be the friend that sticks around even if it feels uncomfortable for you.
2007-02-19 11:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by David B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do, she needs to wallow for a while, wallow with her. Sit in your PJs, eat ice cream, watch crappy movies, and just be there for her, listen to what she says, an have a lot of tissues to hand.
But dont let his go on for too long, a week at the max, then you have to take her out, not the pub, try walks in the park, cinema, amusment arcade, keep her busy so she doesnt think about it.
Then when you are exhasted (which you will be from being cheerful all the time), go out, not on the pull, but to show her how fun single life is, then it will probably take ages for her to want to date again, so i wouldnt push that side of it.
I hope it helps!
PS Do not belittle or bad mouth her partner, because they may get back together, and she may not feel she can turn to you, or she could tell him everything that you 2 spoke about!
2007-02-19 11:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by natasha * 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go out and do something fun that she has missed whilst she has been in a relationship:
1. Go bowling - you cant not have a laugh wearing stupid shoes and flinging balls about
2. Go window shopping and try on the worse clothes in those cheap shops - 100% polyester
3. Have a day to spoil yourselves - go and get your nails and hair done - if money is a problem, see your local colleges for times when they are having salons (dont worry about them not knowing what they are doing - most already have jobs in salons and no one is allowed on clients without continual practise on each other first)
4. Be there for her so that she can cry for two days if that is going to make her feel better, but dont allow her to wallow in self pity
Good Luck
2007-02-19 11:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just make sure she knows that you are there for her, and ask her if she wants to talk it over with you, or if there is anything you could do to support her in this heartbreaking moment. If she really doesn't want you to do anything you have to accept that, and leave her alone to think things through, and resolve things in her own way. If all else fails, ask her if she should think about counselling? Do what all friends do as well.. once its all out in the open, try and get it off her mind, talk about other things that aren't guy related, don't keep reminding her about it, or it will feel to her like you are rubbing it in. Hope it's all ok! Xx
2007-02-19 11:42:33 · answer #6 · answered by Soph 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing much you can do, other than lend her a shoulder to cry on. You know how it is, we've all been through it and it's horrible. Take her out for a meal, shopping or to see a film. Try and make her laugh. You could both go for a 'revamp' too. It's going to take time but I hope she'll be okay. You must be a very good friend.
2007-02-19 11:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by Sandee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I"m sorry to hear about your friend that's a bummer to have a good friend sad. I would probably try some little things. Maybe surprise her at work w/ her favorite food like my b/friend loves bigmacs and DR. pepper so I would take that to her. Or bring it to her house on her day off. Maybe take her somewhere like the zoo for day or show up with some movies (comedies) one night and bring a few friends. Take her to get her nails done or whatever she likes that would be a treat for her. I hope this helps and good luck..
2007-02-19 11:42:14 · answer #8 · answered by Chrissy #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than talking about it, I'd probably focus more on keeping her mind off of it by spending time doing other things, shopping, dining out, etc. Knowing if there were bad circumstances to justify the breakup or not would determine how to talk to her about it when SHE wants to talk. Assure her that she did the right thing and how her life will be better by making the break.
2007-02-19 11:41:33 · answer #9 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to grieve. She will be going through a period of emotional swings and she needs to let it happen during the grieving process. She can't fight it off. During this time she will need nurturing and will need to regain her sense of self worth. Rejection from the other half is hard, but when she gets through this she will be a much stronger person. There are books you can buy for her to read when she's alone. Seeing a therapist will help because they are able to help hash out any issues. Just be there for her and listen when she needs it. Good luck.
2007-02-19 11:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋