I have a serious problem-only honest answer please. I seriously need help.?

Question

I am a shopaholic and can't seem to stop. I am always late in making my mtg. pymnt. I am afraid of losing our house and I don't know how to tell my husband. I am always borrowing from one acct. to pay the other. I do pay them but just never on due date, I always use the grace period allowed. Please help. My marriage is also drowning. I am a friggin mess. I don't want to try those credit repairs because my friend did and she is now in more of a mess than before.

I want to thank all of you for giving me your time and advice. THANK YOU for all your wonderful advice and feedback. Believe me all your feedback made me cry and has helped me make this decision I have never tried ebay but I will now. Thank you "kissmymid", I know that the marriage right now is secondary and I will be working on that issue also. I don't know how to or where to send you email for future contact.

Answer 1

First, the good side of your story is that you know your problem : you can't stop buying more and more stuff you CAN'T AFFORD.

You work hard for your money, and as a relief for working so hard, you spend, and spend, and spend....

A few things :

- Keep an up-to-date list of your debts and assets.

- Pay urgent things first. Urgent for your credit score, not for your friends or family. That means you can't pay back a friend (if it's the case) before the bank.

- Paying a card with another card is not bad, as long as the full amount is paid back within a month.

- Grace periods are for real badlucks. PAY ON TIME.

- Lower down your expenses, your lifestyle. That means : bring your lunch at work, sale your car if you have another transportation options, stop buying clothing and accessories for a few months, never buy a drink (but at home), choose cheap activities for a while.

- Consolidation may be a good idea. Ask your bank. Do not enter a program with a company you don't know.

- Talk about it to your husband. You'll have the perfect reason for not being as attentive as you may have these last months. Don't tell anything before you have a plan and budget ready. You'll look confident and competent to get back on the track.

Good luck !

Answer 2

With respect to the shopaholic part, I would cut up your credit cards and leave your debit card at home, this way, there is no 'available money' no shopping. Use only cash when going out to the supermarket and getting other necessities, it will force you to budget. I know I have also rationalized keeping some of the credit cards with the "in an emergency" answer, but how many times have you used the credit card in a real emergency. Your husband probably has credit cards, so in an emergency, call him.

With respect to the mortgage, see if you can set up an automatic bill pay with the bank or mortgage company, whereby it takes the money out of the bank account. If not, get a BIG calendar and write or tape the bills that are due 1 week before they are due. Put it somewhere visible to you so that you see the absolutely last day to send a check.

With respect to your marriage... well that's always difficult to say not knowing what the issues are. However, the two main reasons for divorce are arguments about children and money. Keep the financial part under control and hopefully it will alleviate a great part of the stress in your life.

I hope this helps, it is at the very least what I would find myself doing in your situation. Good luck!

Answer 3

You are in the process of destroying your credit rating (and probably already have with all of those late payments) with a very real possibility of losing your home and your marriage.

You obviously know you have a problem because you are on this board asking for help. That's the first step.

The next step is to stop shopping. If you need help in doing that, then get help. It is like any other addiction and there are shopaholic groups out there just like there are AA and Narcanon, etc. Find one and go to the meetings.

You need way more help than this message board is going to be able to give you so do yourself and your family a favor and get it. It is highly unlikely you'll be able to stop all on your own without some support.

Answer 4

DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND!
Hide it from him as long as you can.
Hell your marriage is probably the reason you are a shop a holic.
I believe that you are shopping to fill a void.
some people eat, some use drugs, some use sex or alcohol, you shop.
FORGIVE YOURSELF!
Shopping is obviously bringing you some joy...we all want to feel good about ourselves and right now shopping does it for you.
try to find out what other things bring you joy and try to replace the shopping with that.
I too was a shopaholic.

I decided that I would not go to the mall for 6 months.
It was hard at first but now I dont miss it.

once I got ahold of the problem my best friend and i returned all the things that could be returned. That was embarrassing as hell but i was able to 'recover' $550 bucks from stuff that I bought on impulse.
I started selling off the things that I could not return on ebay. I was able to get another $450.00.

To fill the void (and to zap my energy to shop, I started selling my plasma~ that netted me $250 in an agressive month and left me way to tired to shop...While I was laying there I kept thinking that I was saving a life or two with my blood!!!)
Lastly I got a zero interest for 12 months free balance transfer credit card.
That helped a great deal on getting caught up.
I applied for the transfer late in the month so it was like getting a free payment (example~ credit card one with a 2k balance was due on the 20th. I transfered that balance on the 19th so I didnt have to pay that card (transfer 'paid' that) and the new card's due date was in 30 days from the date of the transfer!) that was enough to give me breathing room.

I think that the reason that you are late is due to the shame of what you think you did and the dread that you will be caught.


Call bank of america TODAY and apply 1800 732 9194. My credit was not great at all and they gave me 8k limit.

Once the stress of meeting the minimum payments left me I was able to be less stressed in the marriage. WHen I took control, I was able to start taking responsibility for my happiness.
Now any 'extra' money gets split between me and the credit card. If I sell two dresses on ebay, I keep $20.00 for me and send $20.00 to the credit card.
I dont get rich on my ebay sales but i can make 200 or so profit each month. That plus my regular interest free payment is really helping.
Even if I am not completely paid off by the end of the 12 months, I will have saved over 1k in interest payments alone. I dont know how to get in touch but if want to chat we can just let me know how to reach you either by email or phone.
SOmetimes it helps to vent to a stranger that you never have to see or that you can tell the whole thing to without fear of being looked at differently.
The marriage is NOT great by any stretch but I dont need him or shopping to fill the void!

Answer 5

First - tell your husband what is going on. He will find out and that will be worse. Also tell your family and friends so they can help you with this addiction, support you when you have the urge to shop and make sure not to tempt you.

Second - close all the accounts and cut up the cards.

Third - budget budget budget see what is coming in and what is going out. You may need to pay minimums on some cards so you can work towards paying off others. Payoff lowest balances first so the extra can go towards other cards.

Third - Try selling as much of the stuff that you bought that you can. E-bay, consignment shops etc. You can sell used DVD's and CD's to shops that specialize in this. Sell what you can and apply it to the debits.

Answer 6

First,tell your husband you are a shopaholic and you NEED his help to break the cycle and get out of debt. Second if you are not working,get a job and help pay down the bills.If you do work and your husband is willing let him control all the finances in the household aside from your personal money.And remember nothing good will happen if you are not serious about wanting to change your life.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I think this is way more complex than stopping the shopping (which you need to do)! I would be honest with my husband but before telling him about it figure out a way to pay it such as getting a job or an additional job. This will not only help you pay your bills but take up your shopping time. I would also seek proffesional help with your shopping addiction.

Answer 8

First, and seriously, STOP SHOPPING. Then, get a pen and paper, calculator and all your bills, and work out how much you need to make all your upcoming payments until you have apid everything off. If you can't make the first few payments without a lot of trouble, try selling some stuff off on ebay, it sounds like you may not really need all you have been buying.

Answer 9

Be honest with your husband about the situation. Have you ever thought that maybe your shopping and lucid spending is part of a deeper problem , such as depression or bi-polar. Set your bills as a priority before shopping. If neccesary set aside money orders for the amounts that are required to pay your bills. If you do not have that money readily available maybe you wont be able to spend it

Answer 10

Well you obviously know what your problem is now all you got to do is (this will sting a bit) lay out your credit cards....all of them pick the best one put it aside take the rest to the desk were you will find the scissors now dont you whimp out your a big girl you can do it....START CUTTING and dont stop in time you will heal youll stay married you wont be broke and you may even thank me but dont you buy me anything