promiscuous teenager?

Question

After finding out that my 15 year old daughter is promiscuous I am ata quandry about exactly what to do. Because she is my step daughter I have limited authority. My husband just gets really mad and hurt when this subject is brought up and her mother just seems to yell alot and then take her shopping. I wan to know what I should do that would be truly helpful. When I've brought up the subject with her before she just denies everything but I know it's true. I read her myspace messages. She is very bold and tells guys she will do favors if they come to visit. I know this is a self esteem issue and I consider myself pretty smart and understanding but when it's you own kid....it's really hard to fugure out the right path. If I had control over the situation, she would just not be allowed to go anywhere or be anywhere without supervision. But I don't have that authority. I also don't want to just tell her no and not get a better understanding of why this is happening. Any real insight?

Answer 1

I agree with elite_women. You need to sit down with her father and make him understand why you are concerned. He needs to be on your side before you deal with your step-daughter.

When you are dealing with your step-daughter don't take a disciplinarian role, since she is likely to rebel against someone acting like that. You will want to be the caring parental figures. You need to make your point about the hazards she is facing (STDs, pregnancy, AIDs etc.). You also need to give her information to back all this up (pamphlets, books etc.) which you can look over with her. She may not stop being sexually active but at least you can prepare her and make her aware. You could also let her know that you are there for her, if she ever needs to talk - or even if she needs someone to get contraceptives (i.e. condoms) for her.

It's better that she keeps herself safe, than rebels and does something stupid.

Answer 2

You know, your daughter reminds me alot of myself at a time in my life when I was lost yet thought I knew all the answers. Firstly it is evident that you care and love her a lot otherwise you would not be concerned.You don't say how close you guys are but in regards to that sometimes as a step parent all you can do is just be there.Be a friend(without compromising your position)until such a time that she acknowledges that you are indeed an integral part of her life and let's you resume that role of mother.Forcing it may only widen the gap between you if any exists.

I feel as though her father may feel angry and hurt when the issue is brought up because he feels it reflects badly on him as a parent. If his daughter is acting like this, does that mean he has failed her as a father? He needs to understand that there is no manual for parenting and yes parents do make mistakes.Often we as their kids do things in utter rebellion or to 'hurt' them if we feel they've hurt us in anyway, maybe she feels that she has been hurt (through her parents not being together, her dad moving on etc)It could be a series of things. I would recommend they spend more time together and maybe even go for councelling to understand each other better.Maybe she has a lot of unanswered questions about her parents' relationship and once she knows the hows and why's will be able to understand better and let it go.I don't know the full extent of the nature of your past/family setup so I'm just going on what I have here.

Lastly your daughter also needs to be accountable for her actions = tough love. Let her know what it means to be an "adult", (if she wants to behave like one), give her more responsibility around the house and very little time to herself.If she complains tell her that that is the life of an adult,filled with responsibility and if she wants to be treated like a teenager & enjoy her younth again she needs to start bahaving like one & leave the adult stuff to the grown ups.

Also take interest in her activities,interests and strengths, build on those,give her attention and praise where it's due.By re-enforcing those values you are sectretly letting her know that there is more to life that boys and she has more to offer than just sex. Any young man that can see & respect that is worth her time and effort.

All the best.

Answer 3

Have you even considered the possibility that the things she says online may be a teenage girls way of getting some male attention. Seeing what kind of reaction she gets. After reading some of the absurd questions people ask on here, the things that are obviously said for shock value, nothing would surprise me. This may not be the case at all but try to remember that things are not exactly as they seem sometimes. Good luck.

Answer 4

First it's unrealistic to think you can watch a teen 24/7 or prevent them from going anywhere nor should you. She may be just trying to impress people on myspace and it may not be true. I think you should discuss and help her obtain birth control just in case to include condoms for any possible partners. To be sexually active or not is hers and no one elses choice to make, but you can insure she has protection and facts needed.

Answer 5

If her parents don't want to face the fact that their daughter (not your daughter) is being promiscuous, then all you can do is be quiet. You have nothing to gain. When the hubby's little grandchildren start joining the family, make sure you are not the one stuck with the child care and babysitting. Let the real grandparents have this job. p.s., I would insist that my husband get her on birth control.

Answer 6

Its hard with a situation like this but all of you ( mom, dad, you and daughter) need to sit down and come to a conclusion. She needs protection and she needs to know rules. She needs to be set straight so that she knows what to do when to do it and if its safe. She also needs to be reminded that she is still young and has a whole life ahead of her and she doesn't want to put that on hold if she has a baby.

Answer 7

She's seeking the attention she craves.
She's not getting what she needs from her dad and biological mum so she's acting out like this.
The people shes sleeping with are a reflection of what she craves from her dad and thats love and affection and someone to listen.
Try not to control her, but get into her world and dig deep underneath. Her dad needs to get involved without being made wrong - he's defensive as he's hurt and just wants the best for her.
Everyone is totally confronted here.
Do this with absolute love and patience
and your result will come and come great.

Answer 8

You need to discuss this with your husband...show him the myspace messages, and point out how STD's, and babies could ruin Prom dates, graduation ceremonies, and just about everything except a spot on Jerry Springer's stage.

Get him to help you out here, and accept the responsibilities of parenthood.

Answer 9

you have more control than you tink, being her stepparetn also gives you guardianship if she lives with you..you need to take her to a family health clinic where she can get protection as well as be taught about the dangers and options..you need to make the dad understand if something isnt done he could be a grandpa in 9 months or worse she could get a disease

Answer 10

When teenagers won't listen sometimes it very helpful to send them an e-mail or a letter. Say all the things you think she needs to hear and then after you think she's read it ask if she'd like to talk to you.

If she doesn't at least you've tried.

It wouldn't hurt to send one to her father and mother also.