did my supervisor have the right to ask me why i wasn't wearing my wedding ring?

Question

my spouse and i recently separated.

Answer 1

Nope. Out of bounds. If he/she is asking personal questions go to HR or contact the EEOC in your state.

Answer 2

If you live in the US, he/she has every right to ask you this.

Whether it was appropriate is an entirely different matter.

Depending how it was asked could be akin to borderline sexual harassment. Obviously, it affected you, or you wouldn't be asking this question here. Separating from a spouse is no small matter. One more complication that obviously stems from it is the lack of a piece of jewelry on your hand those close to you (co-workers as well as friends) are used to seeing. Your supervisor could have not been in the know... realistically though, he/she probably had ulterior motives. Some practical advice:

Probably not something you want to think about while going through the emotional pain of being without your spouse, but from a pragmatic point of view, I'd spend a few minutes thinking about what to tell people when they ask about that or other things that will indicate you and your spouse are separated. It's not easy, but it's something you can't easily ignore. As far as your supervisor goes, keep things professional, and if he/she asks about it again, simply tell him/her it's not something you'd like to discuss.

Answer 3

I don't agree. An employees well being is very important to job performance. If you are not wearing your wedding ring, there is a very real possibility that you will be leaving your job also.

If I were your supervisor, I would have stated it differently.

"I noticed you were not wearing your wedding ring. If this means you are moving on, I do hope you will allow me the courtesy of 2 weeks notice. If you are staying here, we should talk about getting you set up as head of household. Dependents you will be deducting from your wages. Your IRA contributions. Your medical insurance?

I mean, whats all the fuss, it will be appearing in the newspaper for God's sake. Every one of these answers goes over the line if you ask me. Which you did.

Good luck with your life from here. I do hope you are not terribly displaced and that this doesn't mean you are going to give up on love. Hearts do heal.

Answer 4

If you and your supervisor frequently shoot the breeze about personal, non-work issues, then the question is not out of line. It is out of curiousity that the question was asked in the first place, I'm sure. If you don't feel comfortable talking about the situation, then tell that person the truth ... there is no need to go out of your way and contact HR, etc. The work place is supposed to be a professional place and causing trouble might make it an uncomfortable place to be.

Answer 5

Yes he didnt, whether you want to show you are married or not is your decision.If you have been wearing a wedding ring for a time and suddenly stopped somebody might ask you out of concern.

You are just going to have to live with it and dont blame your supervisor for asking a simple question.

Answer 6

Not really, but if your supervisor is a friend or aquantance who is interested in you or your personal life, it's not completely unacceptable to ask. Maybe your supervisor has a romantic interest in you or maybe you talked about your married life so much at work that he or she wanted to know what was going on! It really depends on the nature of your relationship with your supervisor.

Answer 7

Yes and No.
It will all depend on how you took this question and how you plan on answering it in future.
If you're offended, then they had No right.
If you felt it came from a place of caring, curiousity, nosiness or wellbeing in the place of work...then thats another answer.
Are you embarrassed because you are separated??
You have taken off your ring, the symbol of your union with your husband, you're bound to get the questions.
I don't think it came from anything but just making sure you're ok at home.

Answer 8

is your supervisor of an opposite sex to you? If of the same sex you need to know that your supervisor gets the first hand information about you from your co-workers (mam gobozi - gossipers) and is wondering when are you going to tell him/her officially about your situation. By asking you about your ring may be a way of seeking information. If is of the opposite sex the same may apply. But then you can make reference to previous comments made to you to determine why would such question be asked. How about that your supervisor was asking innocently and just because you are going through rough time you made conclusions since you never shared your situation with anyone. To be safe regard that question as any other question that anyone can ask unless it is repeated twice.

Answer 9

Has there been a change in your work performance? Are there visible changes in your mood or personality since the split?

You supervisor may have noticed something and rather than confront you about your work opted to take a more personal approach so you wouldn't feel your job was in jeopardy. The question may have been one of concern rather than interfering. Let it go.

Answer 10

Maybe, maybe not... depends on how close you and your supervisor are. If you're friends or whatever and you guys joke around all the time, no. If the only time you ever talk to him is when he's giving job assignments, yes. I know if my boss(es) asked me that, I wouldn't think twice about it... the owners of the store I work in have been friends of my family for about 10+ years.

Answer 11

No not knowing him/her it is hard to tell if he/ she was just being nosey Or if he/ she was concerned for your welfare. maybe your work as been suffering.
i often don't wear mine. No one even notices. If you don't want people to know, tell them you took them off to clean them and forgot to put them back. (I really do that or i take them off when my fingers swell.)
You can always tell the truth. It's a private matter and I would like to keep it that way.
At my work when someone (not the boss) ask a question that they dont' want to answer they in turn ask what are you writting a book? well leave this chapter out. :) kind of harsh though.