I have a 9 year old son that his father has never seen and doesnt want to see but how do I tell his family?

Question

I got pregnant after having a one night stand many years ago my son is now 9 I met up with his dad again 2 years ago and he told me if his side of the family ever found out he would stop maintanance payments,after a long time on the net I have found where his parents live what would b the best way to get intouch and tell them they have a grand son?

Answer 1

You would be starting up a whole lot of trouble. If you want his parents to know and he doesn't it is very difficult. Do you want to lose maintenance money? I realise it's unfair on your son to miss out on grandparents and them to miss out on him. A shame you got pregnant by such a dead beat...

Answer 2

Well first of all to the ones who said "why would you disrupt the Fathers life" Im laughing my *** off trying to figure out why he disrupted his OWN damn life. Now here's the thing, he CAN NOT quit paying you unless he wants to go to jail. If the payments are NOT court ordered, do this immediately, then you can have the money taken straight out of his check. Secondly I wouldn't tell my son anything UNTIL I talked to the grandparents and make sure they want to be a part of his life BEFORE you change his because you don't want him feeling rejected if they choose not to accept him. I would also make sure the grandparents know their son has told you if you come forward he will stop with his payments, maybe if they are compassionate people they will figure out a way to either help you with their son (the low life that he is) or they will keep your secret safe. I think it is sad that your son and the grandparents have wasted 9 yrs without knowing one another. I think though it is a much sadder situation that you have tried to deal with all this alone. But I would also like to say you are a fine person for raising your son alone. There are so many others that would have aborted or adopted out their child. You are already a step ahead of so many people. Good Luck in whatever you choose!!!

Answer 3

Why would you want to hurt someone else's family? If you don't want the maintenance checks, and don't mind either way how your ex-partner feels about this, then go ahead and contact them.

Just because they have a grandchild, don't assume they will be happy to know. And try to also consider your son's feelings in this - they might reject him.

Let's face this - you screwed up 9 years ago, you let yourself get pregnant. You decided to keep the baby. You are extremely lucky that the father is happy to help out with some money. What gives you the right to go around disrupting his family even more than you already have done?

Answer 4

Well you have a decision to make. Child support payments or the kid having relatives. You call it. It is important to have family. BUT will the father NOW deny the kid and will the family accept the kid IF the father Deny's him. Will it become a legal hassle for you as well as the kid? I mean it is a tough decision on your part. If it turns nasty, do you want to put a 9 year old kid through this? It's your call. I myself would leave things as they are for the present time. Later in life you can address this. But for now let it lay. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 5

Not to be mean but dont you think you should have found them before your son was 9.?

There are your sons family and just cause his father has never met him and does not pay for him does not mean that these people are might be wonderful people to bring in to his life.

Answer 6

Well i am in the same position as yourself my boys dad didnt want to know but i'm not even getting maintenance. My son asks about his father and family + i try to be as honest as possible. The thing is though even though i've thought about tellling his family many times i know that it would just create a whole lot of trouble in my life so why bother.
You need to ask yourself why you now after 9 years want to tell them? is there any need? does your son ask for them or need them in his life? or are you just doing it to get back at the father?
if its the last one then i wouldnt put your son through it.or you, imagine you told them and they hated you for not telling them sooner and fought for custody or something. i would advise you to think very very strongly before making any decision.

Answer 7

Its not up to you to tell them! I know this sounds harsh but it has to come from him not you.
I went through the very same thing with my ex, his brother & sister knew but he couldn't tell his parents because he thought his mother would have a heart attack!
Which was all well and good (though it totally wrecked my head) until his mother saw him and our daughter coming out of the cinema together and all hell broke lose!
I know its hard, my daughter still asks me questions about her "other family" because the relationship is so strained but really if you tell them either a) they won't believe you or b) they believe you and fall out with their son over it which won't do your son much good!
By the way he cannot take your maintenance from you, if he is the father of the child he is legally obliged to pay maintenance in respect of the child!

Good luck!

Answer 8

I have a friend who has been through this whole saga and to be honest she wishes she had never said anything her and her son's life has been ruined by the Grandparents and father. Best left alone I would say Good LUck hope whatever you do works out.

Answer 9

Be prepared for the consequences.

You could just phone them or write them and perhaps arrange to meet without any commitment on their part.

You will not only need to consider their feelings but your sons too. If you can arrange a meeting without your son knowing why or who particularly he is being introduced to it could save any upset or embarrassment, should the grandparents decide your son is not there grandson for whatever reason.

The grandparents may ask to see the birth certificate. Is the father named on the birth certificate. Is there a resemblance to their own son. Would you be prepared to DNA test for instance.

Of course good for your own son to be reunited with his grandparents, painful to him that his own father doesn't want to know. The grandparents may wonder why it has taken you 9 years to let them know.

All questions / thoughts which may need to be considered.

Answer 10

you've tried distinctive issues which have not worked... i respect your perseverance. the first ingredient you want to do is get him off the drugs and alcohol. positioned him in rehab. at the same time as he receives out, that is an finished new international of supervision and self-discipline. Do you've a brother or cousin who might want to furnish solid male administration for him? or maybe a pal out of your church? unmarried moms want help to develop their youngsters. Supervision, supervision, supervision! in case you won't be able to be there 24/7, make some arrangements so as that there is someone to observe him. Is he interested by any activities or sports? He desires an outlet for his means. self-discipline, self-discipline, self-discipline! What are the outcomes at the same time as he behaves violently? at the same time as he cusses at you or everybody else? eliminate each little thing from his room except the mattress. at the same time as he misbehaves, he is going to his room. If he places a hollow contained in the wall, make him patch it and paint it. over and yet back if needed. i in my opinion imagine ADHD & bipolar are over-clinically determined and the drugs they use to administration those ailments at the on the spot are not efficient in any respect on sufferers who do not fairly have the disease. have you ever regarded into decision drugs? Has he been examined for allergies and nutrition sensitivites? Oppositional defiant disease is only a posh call for saying that your infant does no longer know authority. that is no longer an ailment and can't be dealt with with drugs. Counseling a 13 year previous purely enables if the newborn is cooperative. Yours isn't. think ofyou've got to positioned your individual training on carry until eventually you get this boy lower than administration. i will repeat. start up with rehab...once he's off the drugs and acohol, deliver him homestead to a international with consistent supervision and many self-discipline. search for help with this...you won't be able to do it on my own. sturdy luck.

Answer 11

You need to inform this child's father that he has no choice in the matter as far as him paying or not paying. the courts will handle that,you would probably get more then he's offering now anyways.As for the grandparents,I would send them a letter explaining, {with proof} who you are and who the baby is,add pictures of the two of you together,{you and baby}explain to them that holding back has been hard for you and why they weren't told.They can only do one of two things,say that your lying and refuse the child altogether or they could offer your child more love and all the spoiling he deserves.Let the father wallow in his own lies!! I would want to know!!!!!!!!!!!