advice pleeaassee?

Question

im in a long distance rel for the last week my boyf had been ignoring and not returning my calls when he said he would,his phone was switched off on valentines and he said he was in a meeting he was coming down on friday but txed to say he couldnt make it,i had a bad feeling all week and told him to come or it was over,he turned up,i asked him if there was any1 else and he denied everything,in the morning i went through his phone and found some flirtasious messages,i didnt mention anything but asked him again if there was anything i should know,he denied it again,he says he'd never cheat but does have girl mates,i felt guilty and last night i told him i went through his phone and what i saw,he says ive betrayed him and these girls are just mates,it all seems too dodgy,he says he needs to think about our relationship,i do care for him but i dont know what to do.im not a bunny boiler and atleast i was honest.

1 message said for him to come over and chill watch t.v,another happy valentines to you too hun and another saying shes blushing..what do you think?i didnt go any further than that.

Answer 1

get rid of him.

Answer 2

Hey hun, It sounds like you are feeling guilty about what you have done, but personally I think you have done nothing wrong. Me and my partner were together for 2 years,and then he went to Canada, so we carried on doing a long distance thing. Eventually the kind of behaviour you described started happening. People who dont return your calls when you are far apart are playing games. Especially on Valentines. Texts on his phone like you mentioned, probably dont mean he has cheated, but that he is not acting like he is in a commited relationship. To many people, long distance is just an excuse to have the single life and a girlfriend at the same time, for his convenience. All I can say is , that if I were in your shoes, i would show NO regret for looking at his phone. If he can be trusted he wouldnt care if you looked through it. My ex didnt care if I went through his phone ( he had nothing to hide..) like the other girl said, men are usually snappy when they have done something to feel guilty about.
Do not feel like you have done anything wrong you havent. Refuseto put up with this kind of crap. Ask him straight out, if he wants to be in a fully commited relationship with you and just you, or if he would like to see other people. Tell him your instinct has been telling you there is something wrong, which means either he IS doing something wrong, or he isnt reassuring you as he needs to do, when your in a long distance relationship. I really hope he is just missing you, and trying to fill in the gaps when you are not there. That could be the case.. Talk to him, make him tell you the truth, and explain your feelings. You are not in the wrong here. If you can sort it out do, and tell him tio have a less flirtatcious realtionashiop with these so called 'girl mates' and ask to meet them the next time you visit, so they realise he is attached to you! This sound like he is being an idiot and messing you around, trust your genuine feminine instinct, you'll know what to belive, and if you still have doubts, get rid of him honey!

Answer 3

It sounds like he wants to break up but wants to make you make the decision by making you suspicious and treating you badly. He's probably doesn't want to hurt you but is going about it all the wrong way. You need honesty.

Judging by the content of those messages I'd say there's definitely something fishy going on. Also if his phone was switched off on valentines day then how come he must have sent this girl a message saying happy valentines for her to have replied to him.

If he's so quick to call time on things just because you've read his messages then he obviously wants to split. I think it would be best to end this one. Long distance relationships are tricky at the best of times but without trust they're impossible.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be better off without him.

Answer 4

i put a lot of faith in the power of a woman's intuition. i think you already know what's going on but you just don't want to accept it. he's obviously conflicted if he told you he needs to think about the relationship. long distance relationships are hard. my experiences with them unfortunately never worked out. first of all, none of this is your fault. the way you're feeling is understandable and the way i see it, those feelings are totally justified. us guys aren't very good liars (the truth has made my life so easy). i get the impression that when you confronted him, he got defensive. think about it, if everything is all good, why act like that? i don't agree with you going through is phone but i understand why you did it. he could've put your heart at ease as soon as you told him about the phone but instead he turned it around on you. the first thing you should do is either take a break from the relationship or end it. a relationship without trust and communication is doomed. you deserve to be happy and if you love him, wouldn't you want him to be happy with or without you? the person you need to take care of the most is you. let him know that the relationship needs to be put aside for now but in order to salvage your friendship, he needs to tell you the truth, if he ever loved you, you deserve the truth. it'll be hard at first but in time it'll be all good. the best revenge you can give is to live your life to the fullest. good luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like he pays more attention to his "mates" than to you.... You deserve much better than that. You don't need the continued heartache and heartbreak that being with this guy brings. Believe me, what you are going through is not normal in a healthy relationship. Yes, it takes two to make a relationship work as well as to break it up, but, when you are in the situation you are in, and feeling that you need to go through his phone to find out things that you should know about without having to ask, obviously there is more going on with him and he's not commited enough to keep you informed, so I am sorry to say, but I think you are way better off losing the "Joe". You will be glad you did - especially when you find that great relationship and you realize what its like to get the attention you deserve. Good luck, and hang in there, because it won't be easy! But don't doubt your decision....if you end it.... you will find better....

Answer 6

Long distance relationships rarely work. You should discuss this with him, ask him if he wants to or if he is seeing other women. No sense beating around the bush, tell him be honest and that you are an adult and can handle it . If he is fooling around with someone else, then he should be honest and end it, let him know you can handle it and will understand due to the pressure of being apart. Life is to short to sit around and worry about someone that is miles away, because if you feel that something is not quite right, then there is probably something wrong.

Answer 7

Obviously i cant be certain, but it sounds like he is having second thoughts about the relationship,he may be a little mixed up about what he wants right now,he probably still loves you but is unsure of how to make it work because of the distance.I would give him the option of ending the relationship and see what he says,but in general i feel long distance relationships cant work,even if there is love because without the physical contact,you are both going to be very lonely.

Answer 8

Well I've felt the same way all I can say is talk to him and he should understand that you what you did was because you care about him..and if he hates you or dislikes you for that then that's not a good relationship because you did it for the right reasons..but keep in mind if he forgives you, you need to trust in him from now on....

PS- Not all guys cheat and ask him usually you can tell just by the way guys answer you know that feeling...also if you know this guy inside n out then I think you'll know if his cheating?!

Answer 9

happy valentines to you too hun?? this means he spent at least a few secs to wish to another girl, but he didnt have the time for you (even if there was a meeting)...right? is that the person you want by your side? and besides, the whole "i need time to think about our relationship" attitude is typical (for both sexes); it is like you have given him an excuse to follow his own path. i can understand that this is not what you want to hear right now, bcs you seem to be in love, but he is not treating you right....right? if you understand that yourself, then you know that you can find a more honest partner. dont let him treat you this way!!!!!! but if you really want to see what is going on, what not let him think that you have calmed down, and do him a surprise visit? it may be a bit bitchy, but you will immediately know if he is happy to see you, and you will get to meet his friends. (in general,it is not bad for a guy to have girls for friends though.... but it could be so in this case). anyway, good luck with whatever you chose!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

i think most girls especially get paranoid and the temptation to look through a partners phone can leave you feeling sick inside. most of the time they are innocent but now he knows the truth [and good on you for being honest about it!] express to him that you are just scared of losing him and his distance gave you grave reason for concern.
the way he has treated you over the last week is not acceptable...the valentines day thing would upset anyone but remember some guys don't see the big fuss over valentines day!!
just keep your eye on him but don't pressure him too much or he wont open up to you.
good luck hun!

Answer 11

of course your not a bunny boiler, why should you sit back and be made a fool of and let someone walk all over you, no one should ever let someone make a fool of you, always stand up for yourself especially when your feelings are on the line.

i think his not been honest with you and he says he feels betrayed because you caught him out and is turning it back on you. i would not contact him again i know this is hard but you deserve to be treated with respect and loved the way you love him so i would just leave, it will get easier after time and i know you don't believe it now but its true.