My 11 year ols son sleeps with us and all our efforts to make him sleep on his bed have not yielded any result

Question

Even if he we are able to push him to sleep on his bed..he would invariably come and sleep with us in the middle of the night. Another thing we have noticed is that he sleep walks when he sleeps on his own bed whereas he sleeps wonderfully well when he sleeps with us.

Answer 1

Well firstly, I must say I understand what you're going through.

My middle son was like that whereas my other two were a lot easier to convince (I nursed all mine till they were two so you can imagine how hard the separation was!!)

I understand your need to give in and just get some rest at night, but he's 11 now and you have to start cutting the ties for good.

The "Family Bed" as it is often called by experts is a mistake that a lot of parents make. It's much more common than you think so don't let judgmental people tsk tsk you as they have no idea what it's like especially if you are a stay at home mom and your kids just love you to pieces. It's very difficult when you are exhausted not to give in but the sooner you do it the better off you will be.

What I did with my son was transform his room into something really special that he just loved.

I told him if he slept there for a whole week I would treat him to a day at the theme park.

I had to have several talks convincing him and preparing him for the separation and to help convince him he was big and strong and ready to do this. It took a lot of coaxing and patience and now he is quite proud of himself and doing fine with it all.

I must say when my son was younger he claims to have seen a ghost and I think this really traumatized him and caused a lot of this fear.

He needs the room completely black though...he hates shadows and noises. He is still scared of sleeping alone but my youngest sleeps with him too now, and it's getting better.

You just have to be firm and cut the ties, but let him know you are still "up" and he is safe. If there is something in his room he is afraid of (the closet?) then either cover it with a curtain or ceiling to floor blind with his favourite characters on it or paint it the same colour as his room so it's "invisible". Make his room fun and safe so he wants to be there.

I also put a tv in his room and his playstation so that he enjoys being there in the day too and feels more secure at night as a result.

It won't be smooth for a long while but it will eventually become a norm for him. Invite a friend for a sleepover too occasionally.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe you should talk to him about this. Why does he want to sleep in your bed? Maybe he's afraid of the dark? Is there a "monster" in his closet? You could try putting a nightlight in his room, or maybe leaving the light on until he falls asleep. Maybe he/you should talk to a counselor about this problem, especially if he's sleepwalking.

But he's gotta start sleeping in his own bed or he's going to get teased. He's only two years shy of being a teenager, and sleeping in parents' bed is something for a scared toddler, maybe up to age 5 if they're ill or had a bad day!! Not to mention that it's not good for your marriage if you don't get time alone as a couple, and have a child sleeping in your bed with you!

Also, this might be one of those issues where the child is trying to get what he wants, and it is up to the parents to assert their authority and let the child know he is not in charge and needs to do as he's told.

Answer 3

Put him to bed in his own bed every night. Explain that he is too big and there is not enough room in your bed.
Make him a bed on the floor and let him know that is where he can sleep if he wanders in the middle of the night. He will get tired of sleeping on the floor very quickly.

Answer 4

Wondering if perhaps he has simply gotten used to sleeping next to someone and a body pillow or two might help? Do you have a dog or cat that can sleep with him? ( Just thinking another warm body in bed might help )

11 years old is just far too old to be sleeping in your bed at all.
Not only is is bad for him, but you and your partner deserve your bonding time and privacy !

Answer 5

Try sleeping on his bed for a change and then one by one the parents can move on after a week or two.He seems to feel emotional security with you around as evidenced by the sleep walking when left alone,

Answer 6

Check his emotions requirements. see that he has his activites enough for the day so that he is tired enough for sound sleep Try hot milk hot waterbath some pets some counselling more of love spending quality time Avoid watching late night tv shows or anything which activates his mind You could teachhim yogic exersices which soothes his mind I am damn sure that he lacks emotional security Tell him some bed stories which he enjoys

Answer 7

If he was eating poorly would you continue letting him do that...even if he fussed for weeks about it. You know eventually, he would begin eating healthier. Same concept with drugs, cutting school, staying up too late to watch t.v. etc.

Something I used to get my kids to sleep in their own bed when they were much younger...I would put a sleeping bag next to their bed and sleep on the floor while they grew accustomed to sleeping in their own bed. They had my company...and after several nights of this I would then return to my own bed after my child had fell asleep in their own bed.

You are doing him no favors by not teaching him to sleep in his own bed...especially at 11 years old. If you heard the same from another parent...you would think them odd.

As far as the sleep walking issue...maybe have him put something in front of his own door on his side before he sleeps for the night. Maybe a chair with noisy pan lids or bells on it so he will wake up and go back to his own bed. Sounds to me like ' excuses ' are being made to sleep in his parents bed.

Answer 8

Personally, I'd make it clear to him that he can't sleep with you, put him in his bed and hold the door til he calms down, then leave. If he leaves the room, keep doing the same thing. He needs to understand that it is his bed and he has to sleep there.

Answer 9

Seek psychological assistance. This is very common in young men, but he needs to break the habit before he develops other possibly serious sleeping disorders.

Answer 10

I think he is suffering from insecurity syndrome. You wont be able to get any result by explaining to him. You better consult a psychiatrist at the earliest. Also try to be patient and attentive to him. I know that you are suffering from a lot of pressure but you must be patient for the sake of your child.