Should I stay with him?

Question

My fiance cancelled our wedding out of the blue after going out together for 9 years. he says he still loves me but cant get married what do I do? I still love him and I dont want to be on my own

Answer 1

Can be a male thing. Don't think it depends so much on how much you love him but how much he loves you. I take it you live together? If you don't I would say it is really a bi problem as it sounds like it's not just the committment of marriage he doesn't want but no real stability in a relationship. Really if that is the case no matter how much you love him after 9 years there's no point in going on like this. If you have a home together and you are sure he loves you, is completely faithful and just afraid of actually taking that what to him is a HUGE step to being married then I think it's worth staying together. Sometimes out of the blue years later these guys just decide to get married. Referring back to your posting I hope when you say he cancelled the wedding it was after talking things over with you? If he cancelled all arragements then told you there is a real lack of communication between the two of you and that in itself should give you cause for concern if you are being treated properly and is it worth staying with him. Good luck!

Answer 2

I know a guy who will never get married. He didn't mention that when I met him. After 2 years, I found out that he had an ex-girl friend who had been with him for 8 years. The girl pushed him many times, they planned to buy a house. However, the guy made excuses at the last minute. The girl finally adopted a child & bought a house by herself without getting married. This story is about "real bachelor" who will never get married.
I left him & I feel so happy to be free. To be alone not necessarily means to be lonely. If you're happy with yourself alone, you can meet someone who want to be with you & committed.

Answer 3

you need to sit your bloke down and talk it out with him, why doesn't he want to get married, is he not ready for the commitment. because if after 9 years he isn't ready, he isn't ever going to be.
i'm sorry but you might need to reconsider your relationship. if getting married is really important to you, you may need to find someone else who shares your out look on life.
when i started to plan our wedding my fiance announced that he didn't want to go through with it,we've been together for 9 years this november, i foundout the actual reasons why, my fiance has really bad anxiety problems and was terrified that we would not be able to get through the vows so we have sorted that problem by having just parents and siblings and his best friend - best man -there when we say our vows and we have a code word that he has to say if he can't get through them and the registrar will ask everyone to leave,so we can complete the vows. the only thing that is bothering him now is the fact that i want to have an evening do, big party with all our family and friends, he doesn't do well with crowds. but i expect with talking and reassurance he will be fine.
i wish you all the best and good luck.

Answer 4

You can't stay with someone because you don't want to be on your own...

Questions to consider:
Why can't he marry you? Have you asked him, what the problem is in your relationship? Does he honestly love you still as much as he previously did?

If he cancelled the wedding to financial reasons - I would fully understand.... If he is cancelling because of commitment issues, I would say talk to him.. If he is cancelling because he doesn't know if he will be staying in the relationship for the long-term, I would forget him!!

Answer 5

Try couples counseling first. There's an obvious reason why your fiance doesn't want to get married. If he hasn't confessed to why then you need to get it out of him. If he won't agree to couples counseling or won't give you a reasonable answer as to why he doesn't want to marry you then you need to look for other options. You may love him but he is obviously having some kind of difficulty and maybe time away from one another can help that issue. There are worse things than being alone. Being with someone just because you don't want to be alone is one of them. Don't guilt him into being with you. It only makes matters worse.

Answer 6

Now you can see he never had an real intention of getting married to you. It hurts. So you gave him everything a married couple is supposed to have... what real reason did he have for marriage? Forget him, he is a loser to string you on. Read Dr Laura Slesingers book- The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives- any bookstore will have it as it was a long time best seller- She also wrote another book on caring for your husband. Move on- read these books and realize there is a more suitable man for you in your life. This time read the books, and do it the right way- Best to you.

Answer 7

You may still love him BUT he has told you loud and clear that he doesn't want to marry you. I don't think this relationship will go far after this has happened.

Hard as it will be, end this pointless relationship and move on.
If you are wanting marriage you are not going to get it here with him. And after 9 years of being together you have given this relationship enough time. Move on

Answer 8

So sorry you have to go through this. I can understand you still loving him, but though it's hard to hear it's better this happened before the wedding. Nine years was a long time to invest in a relationship; I wouldn't have waited that long. Wish you luck, and hope you have lots of support from family and friends...

Answer 9

Did him cancel the wedding after informing both parents and fixing date? If this, is the case, it happened to my friend. She called talked to her parents, who in turn talked to the guy's parents. The both family called the guy to order, at the end he changed his mind and the marriage was held.
If this, is not the case, just move on with ur life, you can't force somebody to love and marry you, else you will have yourself to be blamed.
I know how you feel, but broken engagement is aways better than broken marriage.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Which is the most important? being or your own or loving him. If its the former then you might just have to get used to it. I was in your position once and believe me, you do and its not so terrible....really! Nobody here can tell you how things will turn out. You must obviously talk to him some more, maybe step back a little and give him some space. I do hope things improve though.