A question for parents...more towards dads?

Question

my dad...he cheated on my mom and screwed her over. and told me [13 years old] and my lil sis [5 years old] that he hated us. He talked to his gf on speaker phone in front of us. stole income tax money from my mom. he did so many other things...its SICKENING. I am supposed to see him every other weekend..but I dont want to. and now he's gonna get a lawyer. Chances are..if I tell the judge all these things i wont have to go. My question is though: Would you do this to your children who looked up to you. and waited everynight for you to come home while you were at your GFs house I hate my dad..do you blame me?

My mom never told me anything. I heard theyre conversations when they thought I was asleep. I am just so confused. But thanks for all your kind words=]

Answer 1

it is not your choice whether you spend weekends with your Dad or not, try to understand why I said wrote it like that, if you had a chance and you tell the judge what you saw and heard your Dad saying to someone else on the phone, chances are you will not have a chance to see either Mom or Dad at all, Why? , cause it will appear that Mom and Dad are using you to cause a friction between Mom and Dad. And you may end up not living with Mom or Dad.

Times like this Parents tend to get hostile towards each other and children are always in the middle.

If you want things to go right, let your parents put you with the judge alone and tell the judge to set your parents straight,this is only the beginning, Mom and Dad will play tug of war with you and you will be forced to choose sides.

dont choose sides , give both parents a chance to heal, and let them both know you have a friend on your side "The Judge"

Answer 2

I would NEVER tetll my kids I hated them. Thats just wrong. But it sounds like your mom has not been a perfect parent either. First off, no kid should have any idea about the stuff that has gone on between their parents. Any parent that burdens their minor children with their personal problems is beneath contempt. Some parents do this to get the kids on their side.

I would ask you this...think about what you have been told by either parent. Now think of what you have actually witnessed with your own eyes and ears. Go with what you actually KNOW in deciding if you are doing the right thing.

I can't imagine any father telling his kids he hated them. If you actually heard those words yourself, then I would never want to speak to him again. If someone else told you he said that, then you need to ask your dad point blank if he said that. I can't figure out why someone that "hates" you would seek visitation.

Answer 3

((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry for the pain and anger you are you are feeling and I think you have every right to feel the way you do. Every human being is entitled to feel different emotions; no one should ever tell you NOT to feel a certain way. If you hate him, you hate him. End of story.
Neither my husband or I would do anything this damaging this to our children but...my ex-husband did something similar to my daughter. In our case, she was old enough (by court standards) to tell a judge she did not want to have visits with him. She went on to explain why and the judge agreed that having no relationship with him was more beneficial than having a really messed up one.
Let him get his lawyer...he has a lot of holes to plug up if he thinks a judge is going to dismiss all the sick and twisted crap he has put you, your sister and your mom through. Email me if you need a friend.

Answer 4

I have been in your situation when I was growing up I am now almost 40. I am sorry that you are in the position and more importantly I am sorry that BOTH of your parents put you there. There are some thing that you should not know and that would be in regards to their income tax, I suspect that your mother has told you this. This is wrong on her part. Whatever happened between your parents is their business not yours. Nobody should make you feel guilty for loving your parents. You have every right to be angry with your father and not like him for the things he has said. But you do not know his side and you are only seeing your mother's side. I went 5 years without seeing my father with the last words I said to him were "I hate you and wish you were dead", I found out my father was in the hospital and had a heart attack and almost died. We have tried to repair our realtionship and sometimes it is rocky but he is my father and I can't help but loving him. I married and my children unfortunately had a father like mine. I have never said a bad word to them about their father, but he has very little to do with them. What you need to look at is this: You can be loyal to your mother and stand by her side or you can be loyal to YOURSELF and have a relationship with both your parents. Someone needs to let your mother know that it is okay that you have a relationship with your father. I am very sorry that you are hurting and you should be having a great childhood.

I want you to think about something else (not sticking up for your father because his behavior could be better) when your father said those bad things to you, was he trying to let himself off the hook so you side with your mother? Many men do this when they are in this situation.

Also you do not have to go see him if you don't want to. But if you go in and tell the judge of all the personal stuff that should be between your mother and him chances are the judge will not be to happy with your mother. Good luck and if you want to continue to talk please email me.

Answer 5

I don't blame you at all and I really don't know why anyone would do that to their kids. It sounds like he is immature and selfish and if you don't want to go there, you really don't have to. When/IF a judge gets involved, tell them everything and most likely you AND your sister won't have to go, especially if he already expressed hostility towards you both.
And I wouldn't worry about the politeness issue either. Yes, he is your dad but when someone treats you that way, to be polite to them just a slap in the face to you. When he starts ACTIng like your dad again, maybe he deserves it.
Personally I solved this dilemma by not speaking to my dad again.
That was a very long time ago

Answer 6

I'm a dad of 5 great children, I can't imagine telling them such things. I feel very saddened at your situation.

I agree whole-heartedly with Kelsey, I would add this, however.

While I don't blame you and honor your legitimate feelings, don't hate him. Hate is a self-destructive emotion. You certainly can hate what he did, what he's doing and what he plans on doing, Just don't hate him. Your hate won't bother him and will only lower you.

God bless you.

Answer 7

first my wife an i have 6 liveing childern, an i never ,even dream of doing something like this,,, but honest you kids an you mom , need better,, i say he a fool,an dont know what he miss out on,,,,my 4 boys does give some trouble, but still i never turn on them, an our 2 girls, one which is a daddy baby, i never do that to them, i under stand you say hatr him, an you may do, an realy cant blame you,

Answer 8

So sad honey...I am also a father of two great children...the way you expressed your feelings. for your dad, after reading those lines ..I really felt sad...and I am very sorry to say...if there is any chance to live without him ( I mean for you,your sister and your poor mom) do it fast...escape from this irresponsible man forever...but I am sure his gf is going to dump him one day and he is going to come back...,and I cannot think even a moment without my family...we are all praying to god to give courage to face the life.GOD BLESS YOU.

Answer 9

Nope. I don't blame you one bit. I would hate my Dad if he did these to me. And, no, I would never go and live with him, even if he promised to send me to Harvard or take me on vacation to Hawaii every winter. But, out of KINDNESS and DUTY, I would be polite to him.

I feel sorry for your Mum. I wish her all the very best!