Why am I here? Why do I feel so bad?

Question

All my life, I have been on a emotional roller coaster, yet always hiding it. My friends don't even know how much I hurt inside. I love the phrase "last guys finish last" because that is how I feel. All my life I have always put others before myself. But I have never gotten anything from it. My father died when I was 6, and ever since then my mother has fought to keep our house and to put food on the table. All throughout high school, I had to work, to be able to help out around the house, and to pay for college. I am currently in college right now. I am always stressed out, and always feel like I just can not take it anymore. The only friends I have, don't care. I don't want to turn to my mother, because I don't want to upset her. I feel like I have no one to turn to for help. My question: Why does this always happen to good people? I am not suicidal, I have thought about it before, but could never carry it out! I just wish that I could go "home". Why does it have to be this way?

Answer 1

You aren't alone in that boat pal. It's time to reconsider your life and do something to change your situation. Seek help as well, there are untold millions of us out there. You can make it.

Answer 2

You have had more than your share of difficulties to deal with for someone so young, I am so sorry. It sounds like at a very young age you were cast into the role of careGIVER, and have not had anyone to take care of you, and have not learned to do that yourself, which is entirely understandable for someone trying so hard to be responsible. But the time has definitely come for you to think about yourself. You DO matter. Your life matters, and even though you are not feeling that way right now, with some of that weight off your shoulders, you will begin to appreciate the kind, responsible person you sound like you are. I strongly encourage you to find someone to talk to. Sometimes when you have been the strong, mature responsible person, people your age do not understand you and are unable to help you. It is probably more this than that they don't care. They just haven't lived the life you have and lack a certain amount of depth in these areas. But help IS available. If you do not have a doctor you can go and talk to to get the ball rolling, I urge you to go to the student health center at the college you are attending and talk with someone there. You are NOT crazy -- you have just been carrying too much of a load for too long and have depleted all your emotional resources. If you do not have a church your are connected to, I would also encourage you to consider one. They have pastors and laypeople who will talk with you and connect you with help you need. It is also a good place to meet some friends who can encourage and support you. I will be praying for you. You are obviously a very caring human being and with a little love and care, you WILL make it and be able to help others by what you have gone thru. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds as if you are very depressed right now--perhaps you have been depressed for a long time. You say that you have always put others first but never gotten anything from it as if there is some sort of cosmic reward that you will get for doing the right thing. There isn't. Having had a difficult life may make you a bitter, angry person or it may open you up to working to alleviate the suffering of others. Either way, if you choose to become and stay bitter and angry about your hard life, the hand that you've (cosmically) been dealt, or if you choose to be able to see it as a way to become a more loving, compassionate human being, it's up to you.

Look at it this way--you are fortunate to be able to go to college at all. Some people in bad situations throughout their live never get the opportunitunity for higher education. You are fortunate that you can go to college.Although I think that it is also important for you to see a mental health professional (preferably a psychiatrist who can give you medications if you need them), I think that it is also important for you to learn gratitude. Contact the behavioral health department at your college's student clinic and make an appointment. In the mean time, try making a list of the many things in your life for which you should feel grateful. My guess is trhat there are more than you could imagine.

I was a single mother to my first son. I had him while I was going to University. I reared him alone, and it was very, very difficult at times because I refused to ask my parents for help. But he's 25 now and doing great--I am SO proud of him! One of the important aspects of our relationship was that he always felt that it was okay to come to me with any of his problems, even issues such as being depressed about his sometimes-difficult life.

My guess is that your mom would actually appreciate the opportunity for you to share your feelings and thoughts with her, not that they would over-burden her. Your mom sounds as if she did a great job rearing you because she taught you to be self-reliant, to be a caring and responsible person from early on. Talk to her, express your gratitude to her, and let her know how you are feeling now. Good people NEVER finish last because at least they can sleep at night knowing that they have done the "right thing" whether or not they feel rewarded for

Good luck, and don't forget just how much your mom cares for you, too.

Answer 4

All college campuses that I know of have a mental health/counseling center available to all students. I highly recommend checking it out. If you don't like it, no harm done. It helps to be able to talk to someone who is willing to listen and that is what couselors/therapists/life coaches are there for. Don't give up on yourself. Have faith that you will get through this. If you have felt like an "emotional roller coaster" all your life, it would probably be very helpful not only to speak with a counselor/therapist but a psychiatrist on campus as well. Usually there is either no cost, or very minimal. Have courage. You can do this! You are in my prayers.

Answer 5

Sai Ram. Pronounced as Saayee Raam, it is a greeting, a mantra and also a blessing for you. You are going through all these problems so that you get toughened and emerge stronger and kinder. When you grow up and succeed in life, remember the others struggling like you and help them.

I am glad that you are thinking of going home in mind only and not by jumping out of the body (suicide). Stay with it and it will become better. My blessings to you (physically I am much older to you). And my hearty congratulations for being so brave so far.

If you can do it, meditation will work wonders for you. And prayer too. To your Higher Self, which may be given any name. Sai Ram.

Answer 6

I have been suffering all my life (57yrs) with anxiety, depression, agorophobia, being scared of every one and everything for a long time, but thanks to God i found a Mental health specialist in my town, (24 yrs ago) that helped me descipher my life. There is no shame in having any mental problems, there are millions of us. letting this consume us inside, It is about time you find some relief. Find a mental healt counselor at college, or simple call your towns MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION, I don't know where you live, or I would find it for you. With God's help, you will find the help you need, don't put it off any more. you'll feel much better once you are able to talk to someone, and perhaps be helped with some medicines and talk therapy. IT WORKS DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR THIS HELP!

Answer 7

I think you should talk to your mother about it. You might feel better when you do, and you will be suprised how much talking to her will help you out. She is the only one who will listen to you with love and care. Sometimes we just need our loved ones to listen to us.

On the other hand, it is normal you are stressed out-you work and go to school- it shows you care. But the day you graduate, you will be so happy and so proud that after all you have gone through, you accomplished your goals and succeded...and made yourself and your mother happier. --- I have been there. It happened to me.--

And better days will come your way, and you will appreciate them so much more. Resting after hardwork is one of the greatest experiences!!! Hard work does pay, believe me.

Answer 8

I feel the same way sumtimes. My dad got sick because of when i was about 5 and it was horrible to see but sometimes i wonder why did he have to get sick and why did i have to see it? Also my grandfather had a stroke about 2 years ago and he is completely different.

Why do bad things happen to good people no1 will probaly ever kno but the way we handle thing is up to us. try to make new friends and maybe just talking to your mom in general might make you feel better.

good luck and i hope you feel better

Answer 9

every person has his own problem and agony in life. secretly and publicly. some wish to express their sentiments so others can hear them and help them while the rest just hide these ill thoughts in their hearts and minds until someday they just explode and go crazy.
do not be likethat. it is not good.
try talking to a shrink or anyone (most likely a friendly STRANGER) to express yourself. this is most helpful if you cannot tell a relative or a friend

Answer 10

i feel the same...