Why is he doing this to me?i lost, a perfect man.?

Question

I asked this guy to a dance and he asked me out at a football game awile later. He was the perfect guy for me, loving, romantic, and treated women with respect. We started going out, never going past kissing. I realized that being with him meant more then the physical side of the relationship. That's when I realized I loved him with all my heart. Over the summer we talked, went to jacuzzi parties and told eachother everything. I felt closer to him then anyone in my life. I got to the point where I was very happy. I wanted to marry him, for him to sweep me off my feet. Then one day he was different. He ignored me and I confronted him and asked him if he loved me. He said " That's a good question, I'll have to think about it" I lost my smile, my appetite, and my romeo. The more I tried to "move on" the more I realized I love him. I blame myself for everything and I dont know how to prove to him I love him and will do anything for him. Any Suggestions,or explanation of what happened.

Answer 1

Very sorry about the situation....

As a guy, I can tell you that there are a few things you can do. I think telling a guy directly that you love him with all your heart will take him by surprise. You don't have to "try" to move on, listen, if it's hard to move on, and you realize you love him, then don't try to move on.

I'm not gonna say "Treat him like he treats you" but try to keep your distance from him for a while. You're very lucky actually, you have a guy who is very honest with you. Normally if you ask a guy whether he loves you or not, he'll say either a yes or a no right away. If he says he needs to think about it, then it means he needs some time by himself, he needs to feel how much he needs you in his life, and he cannot do that if you pressure him by being by his side all the time.

Let him know that he can take some time off and think about it. If he doesn't love you right away, doesn't mean it's the end of the road for you two, sometimes, one partner's feelings mature and grow deeper faster than the other's. And more often, it's the girl's feelings that deepen faster. So hey, give him all the time he needs, let him relax and be by himself for a while, back off a bit so that he can see he's not ok when you're not around. Let him know that if he needs to talk to you or needs your support, you're just a call away. But don't call asking him for a response, and don't try to start a conversation with him if he doesn't want to. He's at a stage where he needs to be alone.

You really have nothing to worry about, trust me :-) Just give him his space at this point and he'll come to you.... :-) Good luck :-)

Answer 2

Well, right up front you probably have the best relationship anyone could possibly have. However… men are as complicated as women are. Sometimes they need time to think, and they are unsure of where they stand in their relationship. Often times they will act odd and need some distance to get their head straight when something blows them off balance. It could have been a dream, or the image of his perfect woman passing by on the street. The possibilities are limitless./ the best thin g to do is give him a day or too then sit down and have a serious conversation on where you stand with each other. Make sure to open up your feelings completely even if you feel it might be hurtful. It could be something on his mind completely unrelated to you that he just doesn’t want to talk about yet, or perhaps its just time to figure out which direction your relationship is really going. I have faced it many times. Sometimes you love someone so much you rather let them go to keep them happy, even if it breaks your heart. But the love I enjoyed the most is the love I fought so hard for and have had for so long I can never live without. Talking is the best thing that –I- would recommend to you.

Only the two of you can truly answer your question, and only the two of you can define where your relation ship is.

Answer 3

Why the hell are you blaming yourself for this? Sounds like this dude just had a change of heart and decided he didn't want to be with you. That's not the actions of a perfect man, sweetie. He's a jerk. He probably saw that you were falling for him and he got bored or he might have met someone else. No one just changes overnight for no reason.

If it's real love, there's no proving required. You're not gonna win this guy back because there's nothing to win back. He might've been with you but he obviously wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were. Lots of guys bail after it gets serious and there's tons of reasons why they do it. It's not right but some do it. It's time for you to move on and quit thinking you can prove to him that you love him. He'd probably love nothing more than to see you make a fool out of yourself proving your love to him. That just shows what a dog he is. Let him go. Move on. Find someone who respects you and doesn't change like the wind. This guy isn't mature and he's not playing with a full deck.

Answer 4

I completely understand your predicament. I'm a woman but my long term boyfriend is exactly the same with me as your wife is with you. I don't know what to suggest but I just wanted you to know that you're not the only person going through this so don't feel alone in how you're feeling. For us too, it was after the kids were born that things started to go wrong so maybe its tiredness or the fact that you have to wait until the kids are not around. I don't know but all I know is that its a sorry situation and I no longer feel that I even know my partner anymore. I don't think he's cheated as he cheated once before and after that he was so guilty that he was all over me so I knew something was up then my friends told me they'd seen him. We've talked things over and he always blames me and doesnt seem to acknowledge his faults at all so don't know if you've tried talking about it properly or whether it would have any impact x

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like he wants you to prove that you love him. Did he question your love? And honestly the worst thing you can do is chase him around when he is obviously being different to you. You didn't cause this. He is the one who changed on you. As you said, one day he was different.
I am sorry that you are going through this pain, but his behavior towards you has changed, and you cannot make him change it back. Maybe he has some sort of chemical imbalence or something. It seems odd that he could be so hot and then so cold.

Answer 6

It sounds like you, and him are a little young still, maybe in high school? He is probably growing and changing very rapidly. He is not ready for an intense relationship. He probably does love you, but him not telling you is his way of creating distance between you.
You have to let him go. My advice: leave him alone. He knows that you love him, trying to do something to "prove you would do anything for him" would only make things worse.
I know it is hard to believe, but if you are young, there will be others, and you will come to love them even more than this guy.

Answer 7

I hate to brake this to you, but he's got himself another woman.
If this is so and i think it is, then you just play the game. It will hurt but understanding him will only strenghthen your bond and chances are that he may come back to you, that is if it doesn,t work out with the other woman. Thsi doesn't mean he's picked you second best.
There is no easy way out.
As a man my self sometime a guy has to find out thing a little different. With you as a lady you girls clig onto men to quickly and for to long. Unfortunalty you girls are sincer with your feels.
Guy don't do this so easily
Don't see thing to harshly. And yes it does hurt, love. It;s just like that. It has its good and unfortunalty it comes with its bads.

Answer 8

You shouldn't blame yourself for anything. It appears he met someone else and doesn't have the heart to tell you. I know its hard for you to accept since you thought he was perfect for you. If he was so perfect, then why did he cheat on you?
You need to go out and do the things that interest you. Soon you will have forgotten about him and who knows, you might even find the real Mr. Right.

Answer 9

As a mother of two, I suggest that you think about (1) how long you want to wait for him to start thinking the way you do or (2) moving on to the "next". The answer also depends on your age and how mature you are.

Answer 10

Welcome to " Guys are jerks 101". Some guys just want a fling, they will treat you great for a while and then dump you. It's the old "He never called me back" senario. I don't know why they do this, I could never figure it out. But take heart, your not alone, it happens to everyone and you will find the perfect guy for you someday.