wedding who pays for what?

Answer 1

I just got married recently and I had NO idea about this either so my mom got me an etiquette book to spell it out. I will post what it says here but I have to say that it didn't turn out like this even remotely for us. My Husbands mother is sort of, well, lets just say "not working and on a limited income due to poor personal choices" so he and I paid for the stuff she was supposed to and my parents paid for a lot and so did we so it sort of just worked out. Remember that no rules are set in stone and that you should just do it your own way regardless. The "rules" are there just as a guidline and not something to be treated as law.

Anyhoo according to my etiquette book it goes like this...

Expenses of the Bride and Her Family:

Services of a bridal consultant and/or secretary
Invitations, announcement, and enclosures
The bride's dress and accessories
Floral decorations for ceremony and reception, bridesmaids' flowers, bride's bouquet (sometimes paid for by groom)
Formal wedding photographs and candid pictures
Videotape recording of Wedding
Music for church and reception
Transportation of bridal party to ceremony, and from ceremony to reception, if hired cars
All expenses of reception
Bride's present to her attendants
Bride's present to groom, if she wishes to give him one
The groom's wedding ring, if it is to be a double-ring ceremony
Rental of awning for ceremony entrance and carpet for aisle
Fee for services performed by sexton
A traffic controller (if necessary)
Transportation and lodging expenses for pastor or rabbi if from another town and if invited to officiate by bride's family
Accommodations for bride's attendants
Bridesmaids' luncheon

Expense of the Groom and His Family:

Bride's engagement and wedding rings
Groom's present to his bride
Gifts for the groom's attendants
Accommodations for groom's attendants
Boutonnieres for the groom's attendants
Ties and gloves for the groom's attendants
The Bride's bouquet in some instances
The bride's going-away corsage
Corsage for immediate members of both families
The minister's or rabbi's fee/donation
Transportation and lodging expenses for the minister or rabbi if from another town and if invited to officiate by the groom's family
The marriage license
Transportation for the groom and best man to the ceremony
Expenses of the honeymoon
All costs of the rehearsal dinner
Bachelor dinner
Transportation and lodging expenses for groom's parents

Bridesmaids'/Honor Attendant's Expenses:

Purchase of apparel and all accessories
Transportation to and from the city or town where the wedding takes place
A contribution to a gift from all the bridesmaids to the bride
individual gift for the couple
A shower and/or luncheon for the bride

Usher's Best Man's Expenses:

Rental of wedding attire
Transportation to and from location of wedding
A contribution to a gift from all the groom's attendants to the groom
An individual gift to the couple
A bachelor dinner

Out-of-Town Guests' Expenses:

Guests who come from a distance pay their own transportation and lodging expenses. The parents of the bride or from should assist their relatives and friend by making reservations of sending them hotel and motel information, and may offer to pay any expenses they wish to assume, but are not at all required to do so. They may also accept the offers of local friends and relatives to provide accommodations for out-of-town guests in their homes.

Answer 2

There are great answers above about the traditional way of splitting. I just wanted to add that those rules came up when weddings were much less expensive. Today, people get married later and we're more influenced by celebrity weddings, so the costs of weddings have soared. Putting all of the costs on one side doesn't really seem fair, so you have to evaluate your own situation.

For me, my fiance and I will have high-paying jobs when we get married. We're asking our parents to pay for their guests' food and alcohol consumption (just a proportionate division; no calculating how many drinks each person consumed). My fiance and I will pay for everything else, since we're the ones choosing to have a more expensive wedding than is minimally required. We're also asking for cash gifts (which is perfectly acceptable and quite common in our culture), which we estimate will make up for most of our expenses.

Just an idea, in case any of it works for you.

Congratulations on the wedding!

Answer 3

In days of yore (okay, as recently as the 1980s), the rules about who pays for what were much more strict. The bride's family footed the bill for the invitations, announcements, wedding consultant, gown and accoutrements, reception (including site, food, flowers, photographs, videographer, and music), and transportation for the wedding party. The groom's family paid for the marriage license, officiant, bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon. Today, the division of financial duties is far more fluid. Maybe one side feels strongly about the flowers, while the other side feels strongly about the band -- so go ahead and split it up that way. See what's on your agenda, then find ways to make it even. Feel free to come up with a game plan that works for you!

Answer 4

Whoever can afford it pays for whatever they are willing. The crap about the bride's parents paying for everything is a load, based on antiquated, aristocratic tradition. If the bride's parents can afford it and are willing, then good for them! Take it if you can get it. Ah, but most of us live in the real world. In the real world you pay for your own wedding, and anything anyone else offers is a gift. There are no REAL obligations on anyone. If you don't want the in-laws meddling in your business, though, I personally suggest paying for as much of it as you can yourself! Worked for me and my wife. Her parents and my parent helped where they could, but ultimately we paid for everything that was important. I have yet to meet a person who had a smoother wedding than we did. If you want it done right, you do it yourself.

Answer 5

Bride

Groom's wedding ring

Groom's wedding gift

Gifts for the bridal attendants

Bridal attire and accessories

Wedding consultant

Bridal luncheon



Groom

Bride's engagement and wedding ring

Bride's wedding gift

Gifts for the groom's attendants

Marriage license

Officiant's fee

Groom's attire

Boutonnieres for groom's attendants

Honeymoon expenses



Bride's Family

Wedding invitations and announcements

Transportation of bridal party from ceremony to reception

Wedding reception

Florals for ceremony, reception, bridal bouquet, bridesmaids' bouquet, corsages

and boutonnieres for family

Photography

Videography

Musical entertainment



Groom's Family

Rehearsal dinner

Boutonnieres and corsages for immediate family members



Attendants

Rental or purchase of wedding attire

Travel expenses to and from wedding city

Wedding gift for the wedding couple

Bridal/Coed shower

Bachelor/ette party

Answer 6

Getting married now adays is not like the 1950"s, I think if you are getting married and have the money to pay for it yourself do it. Plus there are so many ways of having a dream wedding without the blowing your life savings. But also if your parents want to pay for it or hers let them, just don't go over board.

Answer 7

yeah, it is suppose to be the parents of the bride...but now-a-days, with such change in the world, in so many aspects, that can be really really hard to always expect from everyone..

I would try to see if any company can help to sponsor your wedding, such things as your cards, your cake, your flowers, your tables, the place you are going to have your wedding (if it isn't going to be at your Church, or just don't want to do that). Example, for hte cards, the company will normally print their name and logo and such on the back of the card, things like that... big deal!, it saves a Ton! of money!, and the wedding can be the "Something To Remember!" . Not the not ending, everlasting bill of the Wedding and such instead....

Just a thought!

Good Luck!,

Holly :-)

Answer 8

It's hard to say anymore... we got married last summer and even though my parents paid for the major things-reception, photographer, dress, video. My husband's parents gave us money to use as we wanted and we picked up the balance of everything else, putting in about $7,500. What we did was sit down with my parents and see what they were willing to pay for and went from there. It really worked out well and there were no issues with anyone.

Answer 9

These days, with couples working, they totally pay for their own wedding, and have the type of celebration they can, according to their budget.

Answer 10

sometimes the bride and groom end up paying for most of it because their parents can't afford it. or the bride's parents may contribute a set amount such as $3,000 but not pay for the whole wedding and reception. just something to think about.

Answer 11

With me, my parents and my lovers parents are splitting the cost 50/50. Haha, the bride and groom paying for everything? Yea, right! I could barely afford a city hall wedding then. Ah, thank god for parents with money ;) It was their gift to us. We didn't ask. They offered.