There is a girl I really like, but her father really hurt her and her mother, so she has went out of her way to form bearriers around her heart, so she will not let any guys in, even though I mean nothing but love for her. I need to know how to break down these bearriers so that she will let me in, and that I can show her how much love and support she has from me, so that I can become something more of a friend to her. Please help me. Her heart has been hurt too much, I just want to mend it. Please give me ways to do this gently, and so she trusts me more and more. Thank you.
2007-02-18 16:52:04 · 15 answers · asked by luv_shak_man 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just be there for her when she needs you. Listen to her and give her a hug..Sometimes, that's all a woman needs. It's hard for a person going through these kinds of things to trust anyone. With time and patience you can break those walls down. I'm glad she has you as a friend. Respect her and her wishes..do not be pushy...Give her time and space when she asks for it because she will appreciate that from you.
2007-02-18 17:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by asiansmile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all there is something you need to understand, it is not your job to make things better. I know that seems like a harsh thing to say, but it is the truth. The biggest thing you can give her is patience and a shoulder to cry on. I have many many friends with this kinda of problem, and it has taken me quite sometime to realize all they really want is someone to trust. Trust is a big thing for a person hurt by the father. As to what you can do to make her see that you are there for her is to tell her so then follow through, but be patient. I tell certain friends who are in the same kind of pain of the heart that I am here for them wether they like it or not and they really cant get rid of me that easy. And she will try to push you away and she will be mean and hurtful, but remember she is scared to trust anybody and you told her she could... this will not be an easy thing. The other thing you need to do remember is that this is a long a journey, and for some it is a journey that never ends. You have to be willing to go her pace, as time goes by she will reveal to you what she can and wants to and you have to be ok with that. Something i used to tell my friends when i reached a wall of theirs was that i understand that this is hard for you and i am gonna sit outside this wall until you are ready to let me in. (Metaphoricaly speaking) So just be patient and understanding.
2007-02-18 17:08:38 · answer #2 · answered by Smurfy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is patience. Always be there for her. Sometime an opportunity will present itself to you where perhaps she will come to recognize that you are there for her.
Show her how meaningful she is to you. Remember what songs are meaningful to her, what food she likes, etc. If she is one to accept letters/notes, those can be super meaningful. And, in fact for me at one time letters were almost the only way I could communicate the way I felt when I was feeling very hurt and wounded, because I could gather my thoughts together in my own environment. And when that guy wrote letters to me, they meant so much more than he realized and in fact helped me out a great deal. But I also know people who don't like those, so you'll have to write a couple and see her reaction and go off of that.
I hope this helps you a bit.
2007-02-18 17:03:28 · answer #3 · answered by Laurel W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a trust issue. Being consistent in what you do and say will show her that you're sincere and trustworthy. Rome wasn't destroyed in a day and neither will the walls around her heart be. In the meantime, patience, understanding, and perseverence will go a long way in the process.
2007-02-18 17:15:35 · answer #4 · answered by graphitegirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be her friend. Don't break the barriers down, not yet. She needs someone to confide in, and if she gets it, the barriers (certain ones) will fall. You need to make sure she doesn't start trusting her parents, just the people worth trusting. It sounds like you really do care, and if she realises that, you'll be fine.
2007-02-18 17:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by Crappy Haircut Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no quick answer to this. You just need to be supportive and hang in there. it may take a while which is what she may need. I would say let her know you are there and love her and offer your love and trust then let her make up her own mind to trust you in time and with some history with her of support and love..
2007-02-18 17:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by senacia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had someone like that. Her dad and mom abandoned her and i tried to help, but she had the opposite attitude, she needed a different guy every minute.you need to let her know that you're not just some random guy out to hurt her, you feel different, special to her, that you want to be part of her life, and there to help her. it's very hard to break that kind of barrier, but with the right words and emotions, i know you can do it.
2007-02-18 16:58:19 · answer #7 · answered by Logan H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush her.She will come around as long as you don't push.Talk to her and just let her get things off her chest.Hold her and tell her how you feel for her and let her come to you.Eventually she will let you in.Good luck and remember to be a good listener you have to be patient ,kind and give her your undivided attention.
2007-02-18 17:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by Heather T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her and let her know she can count on you and you will always be there for her. In time she will trust you, give it some time. Good Luck
2007-02-18 17:00:31 · answer #9 · answered by Lace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's recovering from an abusive past, try to get her and her mother into counselling.
2007-02-18 16:57:49 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋