I'm thinking about having another child, does anyone have any pros, cons or opions that should be considered?

Question

I have a 13 month old son, and my partner also has a 6 yr old son who stays with us 50% of the time and a 10 yr daughter who we see fornightly (both from his x-wife).

I'm really wanting to have a daughter (though obviously that can't be guarenteed) (and of course if I have a boy I'd love just as much).

The pregnancy I had with my boy was filled with nausea, and I had a lot of trouble breast feeding him, dispite help from midwves etc.

Up until recently I've been in the mind set that I didn't want to have another child, as I had a full load looking after the one I had and working. But recently the idea of getting pregnant and having a baby has been a tempting one.

My partner would love to have another one, and so would I, as I'm worried it would be too much to handle, and stress. Also I work in an animal center, and being pregnant would severly impact on my work.

Does anyone have any suggestions, opinions, pros, cons in relation to this?

Answer 1

I have been thinking about having children close together as well, I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old, and have talked with my husband about trying for a 3rd after our youngest's first birthday.


In your case (from what you've told us) things to consider would be:
- Is there going to be enough space to live comfortably, and if not, are you going to be able to put up with the lack of space in your home?
- Am you willing to sacrifice a good nights sleep for another year (or more)?
- Are you aware and willing to accept the increased workload?
- Is your career very important to you in this stage of your life? If so, that might be a major deciding factor. If the only thing that worries you about it is the type of environment you work in, consider changing positions if possible, or taking an early maternity leave.

Some people might bring up whether or not if you can afford it. Personally, I think that financial worry shouldn't have a huge impact on your decision. It's your given right to bear children, and as many as you want, but it's up to you whether being able to provide them the extras (much above and beyond the necessities) is really important.

I'm worried about being pregnant again too, my last was an extremely easy pregnancy, and I keep thinking there's no way I'll be that lucky twice in a row. But then I think, if I chose not to have another based only on that, I couldn't help but feel selfish, and probably regret not having another child all because I was afraid of how sick I might get or how much pain I might have to go through.

In terms of stress, it's undeniable that it will be stressful at times. Have supports in place, consider taking an anti-depressant if it came down to it, and find some stress management techniques that work for you. It's scary to think about having children so close together and the workload involved, but personally, I love being a parent and no matter how mad or stressed I get, I always get through it and manage to make my kids happy in the process.

Having kids close together means a close bond between them, sharing of clothes (if you have the same gender), sharing of toys, and not having to get used to all of the stages of development again (i.e. in 2 years, I'll have to remember how to potty train my daughter all over again)

Don't let environmental factors influence you too much (work, money, etc). If we all waited until we could afford to have kids, or until the timing was "perfect", alot of us wouldn't have more than one child, and some wouldn't have any children at all. Do what feels right, and go for it!

Good luck :)

Answer 2

Hi... You might want to consider waiting....your plate is full now. Another baby , your 13 month old, other children, and you working , is a lot to deal with ! This might put a strain on your finances as well. You will have that "baby" urge. Let some time pass until you decide to do this. I had one child and never regretted not having another one. Her Dad is a trucker and was on the road during the week, so I had a lot of responsibilities. She is 22 now and doesn't regret not having a sibling. I hope this works out for you.

Answer 3

You have to know whats more healthy for yourself, not anyone else right now. Are you willing to go through a pregnancy and stay home for a while to raise another baby? Will you be able to give yourself to this child and the others? Or is your job wonderful and by pushing that aside you could become depressed or overwhelmed. The way you've written it seems as though you should wait, if you both are financially set, I would say go for it, but as for now you already have a young child and you are working, thats rough.

Answer 4

wait until your child grows up a bit more as i had two children close together and my boy missed out on alot of quality time with me when i was pregnant and after i had my girl i was busy with the baby, sleeping or cleaning and cooking. But everyone has different experiences and only you know what is good for yourself. Good luck and i'm sure you will make the right decision.

Answer 5

If you want another child I say go for it!
Considering the age of your son he'd bond more with a sister (or brother) closer to his age.
I have a sister almost 3 years younger than me. We shared a lot of the same experiences growing up and now that we're adults talk about them with fond memories. Siblings get a head start on interacting with other kids sooner than if they wait till they go to school, ie: sharing.

Answer 6

Well, you couldn't be in radiation or anestthesia anymore...........could someone else take over your surgery and radiation duties?
You don't state your age, but I'm sure if you are under 45 and you and your partner are both ready to deal with the challenges you may encounter, you will be fine. I'd suggest an amniocentesis (if you're over 35) and other than that, just leave it up to God.