My boyfriend verbally abuses me when he drinks& when he's sober he treats me like a queen i need help!!!?

Question

I love him to death ... but I'm tired of him calling me disrespectful names and i'm very depressed and I tried to talk to him about it but I never finish what I have to say because he gets so mad I don't wanna leave him but the verbal abuse is weighing me down I need help I have no one to talk to about this. I welcome all comments thanks in advance

Answer 1

Strange that first sentence in your question.... You 'love him to death'.... Stay with him, and you just might get that... death!

There are stages to physical violence... and you're in the first one! Verbal abuse is the first stage. Get out before it's too late. And by the way, it's not you who needs the help, it's him!

Answer 2

Listen I was in the same situation and stayed for 5 years...one of the worst mistakes of my life!!! Please pick yourself up, realize you are to good for him, and walk out! If you stay the love you have for him now will fade in time and you will be left a shell of a woman, since he has cut you down repeatedly. Your boyfriend is no man, so to make him feel like he has power over you he disrespects you. It doesn't matter if he only does it when he drinks, just b/c he is drunk does not mean that he doesn't mean what he says. Sooner or later the verbal abuse may come when he is sober and than the physical...don't let this happen. Get out while you still can...there are plenty of descent real men out there! :)

Answer 3

There is a good book called, The Verbally Abusive Man Can he Change? A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Go or Stay by Patricia Evans. She is often on Oprah. It has a good definition of the problem and many suggestions and resources for change.

Just remember this is the standard mode of operation for an abuser, the Jeckyll and Hyde persona. They are always sweet and then suddenly out of the blue they spew horrid insults and profanities and talk to you like you are the scum of the earth. You need to get help.

Answer 4

I was in the same situation but I married the guy after we got married he changed he showed his true colors, he was a heavy drinker and smoker something he was able to hide from me before the marriage, I hate to tell you but men like this do not change you need leave and do it fast the verbal abuse could become worse. You deserve better than this and believe me they're are good men out there willing to share a good life with you, please leave even thought it will hurt like hell but a few years from know you will realize that you made a good choice. As for me the marriage only lasted eight months. I was embarrassed with friend and family but i feel safe and happy.

Answer 5

both, more beneficial verbal than actual, besides the undeniable fact that the actual has got here about too. i do not fairly prefer to get into what he has done or suggested the following, yet believe me you're not any further on my own. have you ever left? If no longer you want to. i understand, trust me, a lot less complicated suggested than done. After 12 lengthy years i ultimately made him go away some weeks in the past. that is troublesome to do besides the undeniable fact that it receives a lot less complicated on a daily basis. basically be particular you've some tremendous associates that can help you through. no matter if or not they are there with you or maybe associates from the following, you want a help equipment. i have were given some outstanding associates the following which have inspired me helped me possibly more beneficial than they understand. e-mail me in case you want to communicate or want any help, the link is in my profile, do not enable him do it to you, there are more beneficial advantageous adult men obtainable who understand the thanks to address a lady actual, you don't want to take it!

Answer 6

Abuse is abuse, whether it's physical or verbal, and both types of abuse can cause lasting damage, either to your body or to your self-esteem. If your boyfriend is verbally abusing you when he drinks, the abuse will eventually become physical. I know because I've been in the situation you're in. I thought my ex-boyfriend would never physically hurt me until he did. And just like your boyfriend, my ex treated me very well when he was sober--for a while. But just as the abuse went from verbal to physical, the abusive behavior went from only occurring when he was drinking to happening when he was sober.

I wish I could tell you there was an easy answer for this, but there's not. If your boyfriend doesn't get help for his problems with alcohol (and if he becomes abusive when he drinks, he has problems with alcohol) and help with anger management, he won't get better--period. If you can't talk to him about this, then he's not ready to get help and every moment you stay with him you are risking your self-esteem and physical well-being. Many women are killed every year by men they love, men they think could never hurt them. You need to remember that alcohol lowers inhibitions--that's why people do lots of stupid things when they're drunk, like kill the people they say they love. Prisons are full of people that have committed violent crimes while they were drinking.

I'm sorry to write so much about this, but I know how you feel. Please remember that love cannot solve every problem. You need to get away from this man before you get seriously hurt or worse. If you insist on staying with him, please consider seeing a counselor or going to a domestic violence clinic. You could also join Al-Anon, a group for families and others close to alcoholics.

My prayers are with you...

Answer 7

If he is just Boyfriend and not a Husband then GET THE HELL OUT!!! PLEASEEEEEE!!!
I have been there and verbal abuse after marriage WILL Garantee turn to Physical abuse! And he will hit you and if you have a child he will abuse it too. He will call you ugly, he will be excessively jealous, he will just pay less and less respect to you!
His abuse will escalate. Please get some articles on abuse and learn about "Cycle of Violence". He is like Dr Jackyl and Mr Hyde. Good one time bad the next... Do you want this in life?

Answer 8

It sounds like the old saying :the truth comes out when people are drinking:.
It seems like he knows how to play the game, keep you there to take the abuse by using alcohol as an excuse as to why he's an *** at times.

Answer 9

if he gets mad at you when you're trying to talk to him about this he is NOT treating you like a queen.
he knows how he behaves towards you when he's drunk, so if he really cared he wouldn't get drunk.
its a lot easier to say when you're not in the situation, but i'd suggest you leave him.
you will find someone you love just as much (if not more!), who treats you with the same love and respect.

Answer 10

Some of the answers you have received are good and correct...I will add my two cents. NO one should physically strike another.... especially guys punching gals....tell him immediately that you will dump him if he ever hurts you again....and if he does, DO dump him ....After he receives help, if you want, give him one more chance but don't be a victim of more abuse because, as another wrote, you may end up dead!!!

Answer 11

I know you don't want to leave him but honestly, you don't have much for a choice if you want to be treated right. You've tried talking to him and he gets mad about it. That's immature. A mature person would accept the fact that they hurt someone, own up to it and try to change it. He's not doing any of that. Verbal abuse almost always leads to physical abuse and once it gets to that stage, there's no turning back. Think about it, if you love someone, you don't disrespect them. There's no exceptions to that. He doesn't love you or his version of love is really messed up. You're not going to change him by sticking with him. He's not going to change unless he realizes he can't be allowed to hurt the ones he loves and have them stay around. My advice to you is to end things. No ifs ands or buts. He's going to beg you to come back to him but that's not enough. He needs to go to counseling and admit he's doing these things or it's never going to stop and odds are, it'll get worse. Unless you want to be his doormat, that's the only option here. If you choose to stay with him, don't complain about the way he treats you. You have a choice here. Someone will only treat you as bad as you let them. Take control and demand the respect you deserve.