can you help me with an relationship advice?

Question

hey everybody! I need an advice about my non-existent relationships... so well, I am 19, and I ve never had a boyfriend, and I just don't have anybody...Now in a psychology course i am taking, it says that the one achievement of early adulthood is to learn to establish intimate relationships...but for me, it just seems that I don't know how to do it!Frankly, I do not know what my problem is...Am I not sending the right message out? Am I boring or something? Have you ever known anybody who has the same problem? I am just so worried that I am just going to stay single and alone forever this way! or maybe i am just too desperate? ~sigh~ anyways, i really hope that somebody more experienced can help me here..after all I am just looking for love. I just have no clue as to how to establish relationships! :(

Answer 1

Begin with friendship, and work your way up. I know, you're in college, no time to go out and meet people; well, that's not all that true, if you know how to prioritize. (I'm only guessing here, since you haven't told us about your habits.) But if you get out and meet enough people, be it during class time or otherwise, you'll improve your chances. But as to this psychology thing: ONE achievement is establishing intimate relationships, not THE ONE. To me, THE ONE achievement is establishing your own identity. So don't take all that to heart; as you grow, you'll learn better.

I'm saying this because I was a lot like you when I was your age. But I learned by experience that patience is the key. If you rush, you make more mistakes than if you take your time. I'm talking about looking for love in all the wrong places, doing things that you'll regret later, and generally tripping yourself up. So relax, keep your eyes and ears open, and wait for an opening. In fact, go and check out a football game or the like; broaden your horizons, and you'll be better for it in the long run. But most importantly, relax! Okay?

Answer 2

I am in the same boat.. well.. I was. I didn't know how to establish relationships with the opposite sex and I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I realized this year, that men and women are the same.. just with some minor differences. Talking to a guy is just like talking to a girl..maybe even a little easier. How have you started conversations with girls before? In your classes just start talking about things that have happened in the class and before long you will have established a relationship. With my romantic interest, my friend started the conversation between him and his friend. We started hanging out more and more and now we're best friends! Building a relationship.. especially one of romance.. takes a while to build. Relationships don't just start out of the blue. If you think you are going to be too shy to start up a random conversation with someone, ask a friend to help you. It's always easier when friends are there anyway, it eases a lot of the pressure off!

Answer 3

Let me get this straight: You're a *woman* and you don't know *how* to establish a relationship? lol

Boy, and here I *thought* I had problems before I married five years ago...

The trick *isn't* to establish such a relationship just for the sake of having one born out of just love. Many such things aren't easily established. Most women spend their lives looking for "Mr. Right" and end up with "Mr. Abusive and Drunk on His A$$" half the time. :0)

Finding the right guy means looking into yourself for the same (or similar) qualities that you would find enamoring in a potential boyfriend and future mate.

Looks are so 80s, and money isn't a factor anymore. However--these days--women are content in being single and pursuing a successful career than they are trying to settle down, and bearing children.

And at your age, I would suggest you hold off until your late 20s--early 30s. *Seriously*.

This way, you can establish a foundation for the life you want to have--rather than make a rush judgment based purely on desperation. And given your state of emotional development, I wouldn't add marriage in your life's equation until much later--when things have had time to run their course and settle down.

I'm not saying this to be mean, but to tell you that getting married young is the *worst* idea in the long, sad, history of bad ideas.

My 2 brothers married in their late teens and their divorces 5 years later where *extremely* messy and painful--with both wives cheating on them and not the other way around.

They both voiced deep regret for what they did. But their hormones did them in. Me? I didn't get married until I was 28. My wife was 32.

I waited because my life was hell. And I was not in a stable living situation where I could begin to put down roots.

My finances were fluctuating like crazy--as I went from one job after another--and I couldn't begin to harbor a relationship until I had something solid going.

Oh, I had a couple girlfriends here and there, but my relationships never lasted long.

But when I met my future wife, we got married because neither of us knew if the other would live long enough to see another day. Her ovarian cancer is what spurred me to push up our marriage plans, and we never regretted it.

In a relationship, love and sex is only a secondary need. (As my wife said about the latter.)

You need to find someone who will be a good and solid balance in your life. It doesn't have to be a perfect marriage, but you must have something more than a physical or financial attraction in your partner--or otherwise, you're going to be miserable and lonely for a good part of your life.

And that's the honest truth.

Answer 4

Dont worry ma dear love is a hidden treasure before the eyes of God ur man is on the way there is nothing u can do to make someone love u unless u use Love portions and i can't advice u so well when it seems u have come to an end of u thats is the beggining of the coming of christ so be patient have peace and be flexible things will be ok!

Answer 5

Love is not something that you can snap your fingers and make happen. It takes time and in time you will find the right person for you. I'm 19 and just found my first true love so dont think that it wont happen because it will. I use to feel the same way. Sometimes the person you don't seem too interested or dont seem to notice is the person who stills your heart.

Hope you find love!

Answer 6

You have to invest time with someone in order to develop intimacy. Sounds like you haven't met someone you really want to invest in yet. And what do you really want in a boyfriend? Once you figure that out, it's easier to sift through any potential candidates. Besides that, the Bible says in Proverbs 31:10 - A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? Be a virtuous woman and the right one will come to you....you won't have to go searching for him or settle.

Answer 7

Be more outgoing! throw on a little extra lip gloss before you go into your pychology class, talk it up, go out to the local bars and clubs, you'll have fun and possibly find love or atleast an intimate relationship

Answer 8

Don't live your life by what a " Textbook" says. Be your own woman. I think your a bit of an " Egghead" and guys think woman that are smarter than they are ,are a threat. Don't : dummy" down either...I'll find you and slap you silly..LOL..Mr. Right is out there and he may be watching you...you just don't notice. Hang in there Lady..it will happen soon enough.

Answer 9

well, you have to make the move, if you not busy all the time at work and went home, not going out... then that is a plm.. If you want to find someone then you need to go out there find one. or go on website post your picture and see how many guys respond. But remember there are players, cons, stuff like that play games with you... and Seem that you are Virgin that will be hard to find a guy... Guys found out you are virgin then they will want to break it and the disappared so ... really, you have to go out there and if guys want to ask you on a date not hurt to go out on a date to learn...

When you learn mistake you know not happen again... I have started dating when I was 13 years old and I have learn so much every relationship I been with and I learn cheating, lying, so many of them.. when I met my second wife I work very hard to make it work but didn't work then Divorce then met second wife who I first broken my Virgin with and 5 years later there she is and we knew that we met for each other so ... 9 years and 3 kids... I have done so many thing though now I know what it like and Knowing that I won't be doing that with my wife now.. and mykids...Yes we do have up and down we commucate. and you need to find a guy to commucate what life you guys want and you can tell him that if you cheated on me or what ever it is it over peroid and.. My wife said that to me and I made the choice to not marry her or marry her... So I chose marry her, she told me that Her life and future kids life in my hand that how much she trusted me. That even blow me away knowing how much she trust me.

So, you have to learn first date and learn from it I had like 20 ex girlfriend and 1 ex wife and now 1 married with my wife... so, you have to learn to do things. if you don't then you will be single for a long long long time so guess you have to be a nun... smiling.

Also, be yourself and be who you really are... don't try to be like someone that you are not you.... I marred my wife because that who she is and I love her about it... If you try to be like someone later you willgo back who you are and then man will see ohh, then dissappead so I guess you being you and let them see you and believe me... I just being me and everyone love about me and my wife... I always make sure my kids being themself...

Answer 10

dont worry about anything like that cause i was worse than you girl. theres nothing wrong with you, i mostly blame it on us men cause we always think were gods gift to women but in reality its women that is a really magnificent gift, so go like that walk around campus with that kind of confidence feeling like your gods gift to men and you'll find Mr. Right well actually you might find a few:) your 19 so uve got plenty of time and dont rush things. good luck.