Okay so there is this guy that I was dating all through last summer and into the fall/winter. It started off exclusive and then it kinda faded away to a once in awhile dating thing and then just friends. But all through that, we became VERY close friends. Pretty much best friends in a sense. We talk everyday, whether it's just a quick hello or a 4 hour conversation. Like I said, we are close. The other night we went out with some of our mutual friends and we wound up coming home at the end & sleeping together. It was amazing. But he said he wasn't sure he wanted to jump in a relationship again and would I mind being friends with benefits. Of course I said yes but now I am wondering if that is the best idea. See here is the thing, I am completely in love with this guy. I think he may love me too but he is scared to really tell me. He did tell me once that he loved me and my friendship but never the love me romantically way...yet. I don't know what to do. I love being w/ him intimately.
2007-02-18 15:28:52 · 16 answers · asked by L 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe if you "control" the benefits he may come around.........
2007-02-18 15:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Argh. This is probably not a good situation.
The fact that he already told you that he's not ready to jump into a relationship again worries me. It makes me think that he does like you and enjoys the relationship you have (whatever level), but that he doesn't like you enough to commit 100% to you and to forego other opportunities that come his way. Being friends with benefits is fine---so long as one of the parties doesn't have an ulterior motive. Unfortunately, you, my friend, already love him, and in the end, it's your heart that will be broken. I hope that's not the way it works out, but the odds aren't in your favor (based on the limited facts you've provided).
Talk to him. He probably doesn't know that you love him. If he knew, he'd probably never just ask you to be friends with benefits, because he'd either a) have wanted to get back into a romantic relationship with you if he knew you both felt the same; or b) would know that a friends with benefit relationship where there's unrequitted love is NOT a good idea.
Maybe it's just a timing thing? The downside of talking to him: he says he only wants to be friends, or friends with benefits at the most. Upside: he loves you too and wants to have a relationship. Well all of that is already on the table. It's up to you to now find out where you stand.
I hope it works out for you. This is something that happens to even the best of us :-)
2007-02-18 15:43:43 · answer #2 · answered by Amy K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is a big NO! Women are unable to do a friends with benefits things because we get way too attatched to the guy when we are intimate with him. We tell ourselves that it feels good and eventually he'll start to feel the same way. Men never do. Sorry, to break it to you but he will only see you as a booty call. He already told you that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you and you are okay with sleeping with him. Trust me, men don't care how they get seX. As long as they get it. The fact that you are in love with him makes it worse because he will break your heart! Save yourself now and get out while you can. You should read that book "He's just not that into you" It will clear up a lot of things..plus it's hilarious! Move on and find someone who wants a relationship with you and not just settle for a friends with benefits thing. You deserve a lot more than being his booty call. Once he finds someone who he's interested in he will just break it off with you. You should break it off now and let him know that you are not okay with sleeping with him that you want more and since he is unable to give that to you...You are going to find someone else who will...Remember don't waste the pretty! (meaning yourself settling for such a loser!) I've been through it before.........With men..seX is different..you feel that you are getting closer to him, but in reality all he feels is "damn that was some good seX." That's why women are from Venus and Men are from Mars!
2007-02-18 15:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by asiansmile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my suggestion is no..... the fact that you have strong feelings for him kinda ruins the whole perception of having friends with benefits...when you say friends with benefits it means there are no strings attached and in your case right before you're even gonna be involve with a type of relationship like that with someone...you're already falling in love and you're in too deep.... and this is not a good sign specially it is one of the worst reasons why you should be a friend with benefits...
possible consequences is the fact that off course there would be a strong jealousy in your part if he ever flirts with another and you'd probably will think in your mind that it would be inconsiderate of him, well guess what, you're only a friend with benefits, plus i know for sure that it will hurt you deeply in a long run and might even ruin your friendship with him because if you really do love him you are bound to feel enraged and jealous if you see him with another and that might cause so much conflict between the both of you also it only shows your desperation towards him that you'd give your body and somehow hope that someday he will love you, the whole situation kinda makes you look like a free hooker who is just desperate to have this one guy to love you that you will just rather give all of you and make you look easy and cheap...
sleeping with someone doesn't make them fall in love with you... its the connection between the both of you, you're not gonna win his heart if you just sleep with him a lot.... if he really loves you he will show it or even tell you later on (when he finally has the guts) but if he only wants sex, he's not gonna fall in love with you..... a friendship is not a healthy friendship if you guys are friends with benefits....unless both of you do not really love each other and don't harbor strong compassion for one another then it really wouldn't hurt.... but ask yourself this...
where would it go from there? and what if he finds someone he could get involve with? (after all you are just a friend with benefits you shouldn't be mad at him)....and finally, how would it affect you?
2007-02-18 15:51:38 · answer #4 · answered by badluck13b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a try.
I assumed I'd never ever marry my wife (she's a lot older than I am). The relationship went on years that way. And then I wound up deciding I just didn't want to live without her.
The only ground rule you should impose is that it's OK to communicate about your different objectives for the relationship. If talking stresses him, he should work with you to find a way to talk with less stress, rather than shutting you up completely.
You, of course, shouldn't nag or push.
Well, the other ground rule should be no hard feelings if you end it for no other reason than that you want a more committed relationship.
2007-02-18 16:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This one is all up to you, but here's a question for you. How would you feel when, after using you for sex for awhile, he finds someone else he's actually attracted to, and drops you like a hot potato? The other question is, could you yourself handle dealing with the feelings of being used? Because that's basically what a "friends with benefits" relationship is. Friends using eachother to get sexual pleasure, and not anything else.
2007-02-18 15:36:11 · answer #6 · answered by MilitiaMasterV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
regardless of the actuality that I cant advise i might basically choose for to declare how I choose I had a pals with advantages element happening. The word on the line gives you mixed comments on the problem. i'm specific even i might finally end up changing my innovations on the problem sooner or later as are many. Shyts like a river yet whilst he isn't doing properly with the pals element of a friendship w/ advantages then he extra desirable have a huge dick or be relatively stable in the mattress. in line with danger bring about orgasm or assorted or bypass above and previous in offering a extra physically powerful point of delight. ..or maybe then if he's gonna be extremely of a jerk then make urself much less obtainable. See the way it is going....
2016-10-02 09:06:36 · answer #7 · answered by blasone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if you can handle the outcome of never being with him. You have to think. Is he really long term boyfriend material? Just take it for what it is without looking ahead and being able to not look back.
2007-02-18 15:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I woulnd't do it. If you are anything like me, or a lot of other women, your going to get emotionally attached. And it sounds like you already are. How would you feel, if he had another "friend with benefits?" Or he starts dating another girl? Think about that.
2007-02-18 15:35:23 · answer #9 · answered by cruiser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I wouldn't. I would tell him how I feel and tell him that either we can get serious or we're just going to be friends. Cause when it's like that he can just drop you without any regrets, etc, cause he didn't have any ties to you. Ya see? I don't know if I worded that right, but thats my opinion! Good luck!
2007-02-18 15:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by jackichanrules13 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would say no you cant do that,, if u want more he will not give more unless u demand more... guys can go with out the more part and be fine as long as there getting the sex they dont care ,, so i would tell him no u could only be friends unless he was ready for more
2007-02-18 15:34:17 · answer #11 · answered by t_ibrahim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋