My fiance and I are getting married in late spring, and his parents, who are divorced, can't agree on what to do about the rehearsal dinner. His dad lives more locally, so his mom wants him to plan it and she'll give him a set sum of money. The problem is, he doesn't want to agree to what we want, just a simple meal catered by a local cafe. He wants something fancier - but neither of them has the money for that. She would be content with what we want and doesn't want to argue with him anymore about it. He says if she won't talk, there won't be a rehearsal dinner. It's very frustrating, and my fiance and I don't know what to do. Would the best alternative be for us to plan the rehearsal dinner ourselves, say as a picnic or potluck? Or should we just tell his dad, "Sorry, if you're not will to cooperate with us you will have to explain to the wedding party why there's no rehearsal dinner"?
2007-02-18 14:53:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm adding more detail so you know more of the background. Neither of my fiance's parents have much money - a result, in part, of the divorce, and also because he has been having trouble finding a good-paying job in his field. If they could afford something fancy, that would be one thing. But they can't, unless he's somehow landed a big job recently. My fiance and I want something simple because (1) that's more our style, anyway, and (2) the rehearsal would be on a Thursday night and most of the party will have to go to work the next day, and a fancier dinner would be more complicated and drawn-out.
2007-02-18 15:55:02 · update #1
Since the groom's family plans and pays,it should be the grOOmand his parents who make the final decision...
2007-02-24 08:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Juliette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that something like this is causing you an unnecessary amount of stress ... it sounds like it would be a better idea for you and your fiance to plan the rehearsal dinner yourselves though.
The rehearsal dinner is a chance for you and your fiance to thank those who have been with you through everything and are going to be the closest at the wedding. It is definitely a tradition that should be kept ... to show your gratitude to your friends and family.
The best thing would be to plan everything and then take those plans to your fiance's mom and dad. If they want to pay then they can, but if his father refuses, then that is okay too ... there is no rule saying that they have to pay for everything, or anything at all ... especially if they have limited means.
You could also explain to his father that you just don't have the money to pay for a fancy rehearsal dinner ... because you have other financial obligations and so does he. If he doesn't understand now, he will later, hopefully ... good luck with everything!!!
2007-02-19 04:11:45 · answer #2 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It comes down to the check. If you need his parents to pay, then they have to work it out. I recently heard of a bride who allowed the parents to do whatever they wanted and afterwards the bridal party went out bowling.... which worked because the old people really wanted to get home and rest...lol Why can't mom give her set some of money to the groom? Then let dad plan away.... he may come to his senses when he sees the cost. Right now they are arguing in hypotheticals and pushing each others buttons about things that no one knows for sure.(prolly why they are divorced)...I'm not sure what the problem is if he wants to throw you a dinner party that is fancy--its a gift and either way you eat? right? The idea is just to get together and give people an opportunity to visit a little (especially if they dont know each other) and touch base one last time on final plans....have a few laughs.... whats the difference if you do that over china or chinette? I'd say, its a gift...and if its fancier than you thought...how nice. count your blessings he could have suggested an outhouse and a beer ball....or maybe I am just missing something here....
2007-02-18 15:27:53 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got married this past July and one piece of advice is that it is your wedding and hopefully will be your only one. DO WHAT YOU BOTH WANT!! I know it sounds horrible, but I sat both sets of parents down before we started the planning, thanked them both for everything they were doing, and then reminded them that it was OUR wedding not theirs. Believe it or not, we all agreed on most everything! Please have a rehearsal dinner... it's a great time for you and your fiance to talk and thank everyone, because you will have no time at the wedding.
2007-02-22 06:28:44 · answer #4 · answered by reddale2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all - a rehearsal dinner is not required so if you don;t have one - don't blame your dad, that just makes things worse. You need to talk to your dad and your mom. Tell them you would be willing to plan the rehearsal dinner yourself if they prefer (traditionally, the grooms parents plan it but in reality, anyone can even the bride and groom) If they want to do it, great. Either way - your mom needs to say what she is willing to contribute, and then if your father wants to spend a lot more, then he needs to cover that out of his own pocket. If he is willing to do that - let him do it, after all, he's paying the bill, lol. If he can't afford it, he will have no choice but to simplify his plans.
2007-02-18 16:12:57 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. A wedding should be all about YOU. It's YOUR day. YOU should be in charge. It's only a rehearsal. It doesn't matter what the food is. It is about rehearsing YOUR special day. Everyone else should be happy and understand that this is going to be the most important day in YOUR life.
Sorry that I keep writing YOU in capital letters, but everyone seems to forget that this about the bride. Everyone should be doing everything possible to make you happy on your wedding day.
If they aren't, they are selfish and childish.
2007-02-18 21:07:25 · answer #6 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to his dad and say you understand why he wants the dinner to be more fancy, and you appreciate that he cares so much, however, a simple rehersal would be more your style, and you want it to be something that can be relaxing for everyone. Your wedding day will be plenty crazy as it is. He should understand your feelings and accept them. I think he just doesn't want others to think he doesn't have the money. But it shouldn't matter.
2007-02-23 09:23:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, firstly, you and your man should be paying for the wedding, and wedding related expenses by yourselves - then you are not beholden to anyone.
Where we live, the rehearsal party is just held at a family member's house - just drinks and snackies, no need for a full dinner.
2007-02-18 21:55:23 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband & I paid for our rehersal dinner in a small restaurant that we went to when we started dating. We did a pre-fixed menu and only wine & soda. It was fine. I did it when I wanted, where I wanted and how I wanted it. My inlaws were divorced at the time 17 yrs. my father in law would not buy anyone a cup of coffie so he never offered to pay for anything my mother in law did not have the money. I find it best to pay for it yourself and not have to deal with what everyone wants because they are paying.
2007-02-23 08:02:33 · answer #9 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your idea of a potlock or picnic is great. Tell his dad you appreciate the offer but you prefer to plan it yourself.
2007-02-24 14:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by Libby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋