GF and I WOW I just made a BIG CHOICE! leave me your thoughts?

Question

ok, last time i told all of you about my gf. if you don't know what im talking about, i wil explain again. ok this is how it goes, my gf whos 23 years old, i been dating for a while now. anyway before she dated me, she had a ex bf, and they made the choice to have a baby, but broke up a few weeks later. anyway she told me she was going to have a baby thats not even mine!. we never had sex, and she said shes going to keep the baby. anyway i came here and asked for advice, and i told her how i felt. i said im glad shes keeping the baby. im 18, and my 23 year old gf is having a baby thats not mine. i got a job, and i can help her if she needs it. were not getting married, and she said shes never going to see her ex again. So i will break up with her, i have to face the fact im this 18 year old guy whos pretty much clueless and has no idea what hes doing. but i will help me if she needs it. so i want to ask you guys and girls what are your thoughts? did i make the right choice?

Answer 1

I think you did for a few reasons. First, you seem really hung up on the fact that she is going to have a baby that isn't yours. The news flash is that the ex-bf will be in her life forever once they are bound by a child, so he will be a constant reminder to you that she had a baby that wasn't yours. She can SAY she's never going to see her ex-bf again all she wants, but the truth of the matter is the as the father, he has legal rights and responsibilities to this child. If they both made the choice to have a baby, what makes her or you think he's just going to fade into the sunset once it's born? Maybe he doesn't really want to be a father deep down, but it's a sad fact that children are an excellent vehicle for making an ex's life miserable. He can do it to her and she can do it to him. Secondly, it's really unfair of her to even think about burdening other people with the financial responsibilites of raising a child she deliberately created just because she doesn't "want to see th ex-bf again." Don't take this personally, but she sounds very immature and irresponsible herself. I think she's in for a huge reality check when she finally finds out what being a parent is all about. Thirdly, after she becomes a mother, she will need to devote herself to her child ... at least for the first few years ... which means less time and attention for you. Yeah, you did the right thing ... for sure.

Answer 2

You are extremely young, and if being a father figure to this baby isn't what you want right now then, yes, I think you made the right decision for you. It's nice that you are offering her help if she needs it, but how will that make your girlfriends feel in the future? I don't think it's a good idea to persure contact with her if you don't intend on being with her. Of course it's good to be supportive for her in this fragile time, but how would you feel if she does go back with her ex?

If this was my boyfriend in your situation I would ask him to quit it. It's not your baby, and I know that sounds heartless ... but will you really want to still be hearing from her when the baby is a child in school?

What I'm saying is, just give it some more thought ... and do what you really feel is the right thing.

Answer 3

Most 18 year olds are not ready to have a family, never mind on that is not theirs. The 5 year age difference between the two of you bothers me a lot. I feel that she is using you because you are not mature enough yet (I know you are legally an adult) not to be manipulated by a conniving woman who sees a meal ticket. Make the break a clean one and do not help her (that is what her parents and the baby's father is for).

Answer 4

Well first and foremost, let me say that you sound like a great and supportive boyfriend to have, especially at such a young age, and she is probably going through a lot of emotion difficulties right now. Secondly, I think that while it will be a huge challenge to raise a kid (this may be sacrificing money, time with your friends, etc.), you will definitely be prepared later in life to have kids when the time is right. Also, be prepared to ask questions about being the "daddy", etc. Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you, your GF, and the baby! ;-)

Answer 5

I don't think there's a right or wrong choice in this situation... it's what you feel. No one can blame you for not wanting to date her. Afterall, it's not your child... and when she does have the baby, she'll turn to you for all the support and "daddy stuff." She should file for child support from the real father. But if you do want to stay with her and help her out, then good for you! Either way, it doesn't really matter. She's the one who got herself into such a mess. It wouldn't hurt to stay her friend though and be there if she ever needs it. But, it's your call.

Answer 6

My thought is that if you are breaking up with her, which you should, you shouldn't help her with a kid that isn't yours. You're 18. And if her and her ex made a decision together to have this child, chances are he'll still want to see it, so him never seeing her again is pretty much out of the question. I think you should find a way to move on and get your own life going, and started with someone who will want to have children with you someday.

Answer 7

You said you will break up with her. Well I think its a wise choice, do you want to be left looking after someonelses baby?. You know as the child grows up and only knows you as dad, and at some point you decide you don't want to be with this girl anymore you will screw up that pore inocent kid. Make up your mind really well as it's not just about you and her, but that child as well. At 18 you will want to go out to clubs and have fun do you want to look after a baby taht cries and need to be changed and be feed??. if your answer is no then you know what to do. but if you say yes then it is a long term commitement that you are making because like I said this kid is going to grow up and see you as his/her father and for you to leave it's life will be cruel. Think very hard about that.

Answer 8

well yes, i think u made the right choice...the baby's not urs..and ur only 18! u have yet to experience everything u want to before being tied down! and just think, THE BABY'S NOT URS!!!! I dont see why you should have to support the gf and the baby!
i think shes kind of old for you (at least for now). shes more experienced and thru more things. i think she should go back to the ex boyfriend to step up to the father role...and not expect others to take action of their mistake.
good luckkk :)

Answer 9

Yes you did make the right choice. You are only 18yrs old and have your whole life ahead of you* Your life is just beginning* You can be a GOOD Friend to this girl with her baby...and at times.. perhaps help her out if you choose to financially...but it was HER choice to have this child...and it is the babys father who should support the child.. She may never see him again., but she should seek help to have him have to help her out financially to raise that child.
Your heart is in the right place....to try and help her...but like I said...You're only 18yrs old and have your whole life ahead of you...Tell your friend to get legal advice and just be there as her Friend, not her sugar daddy (to pay for her to raise her child).
GOODLUCK*

Answer 10

If you love her yes, but if you two have only been go out for a little while, no she just a little to old for you anyway. you mature a lot during those years. and don't feel like your leaving her with a baby to have and raise. you didn't make that decision. live life while you can! You didn't get to help make that baby.